Enduring Discomfort

Missing Our Old Habits

Whenever we make the effort to free ourselves of an addiction or a habit we no longer need, we are often surprised to find ourselves missing the old pattern as we would a familiar friend. This sounds counterintuitive, because we think we should instinctively gravitate toward that which is good for us. And yet, it makes a lot of sense when you consider that we humans are creatures of habit. This is why we gravitate to people and places—and patterns of behavior--that make us feel comfortable. Therefore, many of the habits we form are not conscious and are based instead on learned behavior from role models who were not always making the healthiest decisions.

Most addictions begin as a way of avoiding feelings that are extremely uncomfortable, so it makes sense that stopping the addiction means, for a time, a fair amount of discomfort. The same, of course, is true of habits that we have developed over time that we are ready to release. Just knowing that this is hard, and having compassion for ourselves as we work through this process, can help us to stay the course when we feel the urge to backtrack. It’s also helpful to remember that in time we will establish new, healthier patterns, and the yearning for the old ones will disappear. Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and the longing for positive change may form the basis of a new habit.

The only way to get to this new place is to endure a time of difficulty, which is a challenge we can confidently handle, if we remember that it will lead to the change we seek in our lives. Our bodies, hearts, and minds always need time to adjust to a new way of doing things, but they will adapt, and even become our allies, if we remain true to our vision of a new way.

Wow.... did *I* ever need this now!

Thanks Darlene... It has been weighing heavy on my mind (and hips, thighs, belly, etc) that I never did "this" the right way...

I was given a great tool to help me lose this weight, and instead of using it to it's fullest advantage and changing my lifestyle to one that is healthy, I just leaned on it like a crutch and lost some weight but never changed my head... which is where the real problem is.

I read Dr. Phils books... and he states that you can't remove a bad habit... it has to be replaced with a good one.

I am going shopping today... and for the past 3 weeks have been eating, but NOT replacing all the crap in my cupboards and fridge... and it's all gone now. I have also renewed my YMCA membership, and start again tomorrow. I have to have knee replacement pretty soon, so I can't do the treadmill but will do what I can. I think it's important to just GO there, even if I can't do all things I think I should... the fact that I went means my head was in the right place, if only for a little while.

I am going to work on the habits this time... who knows eh.... maybe if I just refuse to give up something might click in my widdle bwain and I will finally get on the right track.

Marc, if you act as if it will come to be. So if you do what you need to do to get to the destination it will come to be habit and habit is what we are striving to do. Just change the bad habits with good ones and act as if. We just have to keep trudging the road to get to our destinations. Notice I said trudge and not run and jump and hop and skip. Trudge means something entirely different but it is a good thing. When we work to get to where we are going we appreciate it so much more and work to keep it. Since we have to work to keep what we are so lovingly given. You will do fine and remember we are here to help when ever you need us. We aren't just a group of beautiful and sexy babes ya know~we have brains too.

Thanks so much for posting this. I am seeing myself slowly going back to some of my bad habits and I need to catch them before I go all the way back. I refuse to go back to where I have worked so hard to leave. I can't quite figure out how you know just what to post each time you do. It must  be God working to get something through this hard piece of cement that most people call a brain. lol I am so glad that God and all of my OFF sisters and brothers don't give up on me!

Thanks for the wise postings.  I think it was Dr. Phil who advised that it takes several weeks of replacing the old habit before it becomes the new.  I'm trying to focus on the benefits of the new habits and truthfully see that the old habits didn't serve me.  The surgery is a dream come true but we still have to do the work if we want to truly be healthy.  Caring for our bodies is a lifelong commitment.
Hang in there, CV Linda

Thank you Darlene...this is a great reminder for all of us!!

Hugs, connie d

Ok Darlene, you've brought up some feelings and thoughts I didn't conciously think were there.
I've been living in a fog for so many years...just existing.
I look at photos of me that others take and I kringe.
But now, I look at them as being part of my past, one that I'm never going back to. I wear a photo name tag at work, the pic is of course many months ago. When I put that tag on every day for work I used to say "yuk" to myself but now I'll be looking at it feeling that I really don't look like that person anymore and soon others will notice that also as my wt drops.
I can look at it and know that that is the "old me" and the "new me" is a work in progress.I guess I have to know where I came from to know where I am going. (hope that makes sense to you). This is the first place ever in my life that I've been able to admit that "I am obese, and I need help" without feeling any judgement against me. You all have been such kind caring friends and if it weren't for you I'd be headed to an early grave. You've been the support I've been looking for for soooo many years. It's kinda funny cuz I've never met anyone of you but I feel so close to you all. Thank you for all your support. I'll be hanging around this forum as long as I'm alive.
I know my upcoming surgery is risky but trying to live without it is even riskier.
Thank you so much friends for all your help and thank you Darlene for your philosophical insights.
Alice

I've sat here at my computer since I posted my first reply and cried.
My counselor calls it "peeling away the layers". I've hidden alot of discomfort over the years by eating. I realizing that that was the wrong choice. It was what I needed to survive at the time cuz I could not endure the pain so I buried it. I'm learning to face the hidden pain one day at a time....I have 56 yrs of it stowed away. It may take alot of time to unsurface and face the pain but it needs to go as does the weight. Just knowing my path now makes me feel so much stronger and healthier. For me, it's so much more mental than physical that I'm starting this wl journey.
Thanks again,
Alice

Oh no, I did not want to make anyone cry....I am so so sorry.....I need to be more selective I guess in my postings.......

Darlene , from another Darlene im having surgery in the am and your post to educational.im going to use it fro guide line to make new habits and get rid of the old.