What's New Sunday
It's nearly 2 a.m., I tried to sleep, but can't. Knee hurts, mind is thinking way too much, crunching numbers (and that hurts, because I was never good at math), worrying about the future, what might happen with work, what is happening with my finances, how will I survive, should I put my condo on the market, I don't really want to but if I start job hunting and get a job out of town, then what do I do with the condo? Houses aren't selling in Michigan ... and newspapers aren't hiring anywhere. So you can see why I can't sleep.
I talked with my brother Gary today and told him all my troubles. I still owe him from the cruise/vacation: $84 plus $10 for the cancer relay for life; I wanted to send him $20 this week but I needed it for gas and I just have to hope that will hold me til Thursday. He understood and says he isn't worried about getting the money. I just don't know what I can cut out. I've already decided I'm cutting out ceramics; I love doing it, but I don't really like some of the women in the group -- they are extremely biased people. And with the cost of gas, it's a little far to get out there, plus the $6 for the class, plus the cost of greenware. I was using this as Christmas gifts, but my one brother and his wife have said they don't want ceramics for gifts because they don't have room for anymore in the new home they will occupy with Margaret's mom; my mom doesn't want anything she has to dust; and I doubt my sister likes anything I make. So that leaves Gary and my niece and nephew. I could probably do this at home, just bring the greenware over to get fired and paint at home for less. But the class was social at least. Don't have much of that in my life (other than you folks).
I'm thinking of cutting down the cleaning lady to once a month ... I really need her though at least that much because with my knee and back, it's too difficult for me to do much cleaning. This place would be a pigsty (and was a mess) without some help.
Sorry for complaining so much. I just needed some place to put my thoughts in print. Sometimes that makes things a little clearer for me. You folks are a good sounding board.
I had started recording the Olympics for the morning, figuring I wouldn't stay up to watch the men's basketball gold medal game, but the way I'm going now, well, who knows? I may bake for awhile. It'll take my mind off things. I got a bunch of blueberries and some zucchini from my psychologist (she likes my baked goods too ... even with the Splenda and protein powder!)
So ... if I can wipe the tears from my eyes and put back my cloth Siamese cat that Diva knocked down from the top ledge of my computer desk ...yes, Diva was in here while I was typing, of course, she has to be everywhere when I'm awake ... Scooter's my nighttime buddy, but Diva likes to be around when I'm awake, to make sure she doesn't miss out on any meals or coffee. .. Anyway, where was I? Oh ... so I guess that's all for now. Have a good day. What are your plans?
our minds down...when I first retired and wasn't on social security yet, I wasn't sure I could stay in my duplex or pay all my bills....but you know what? God came thru for me,
as He always does, and I found if I just quit worrying it
all worked out for the good. I will continue to pray for
you in all things, and you pray too....He will answer in His
own time and His own way. I love you, my friend....sending you cyber hugs.
Will we see you on Friday for a few minutes??
Sitting here sipping on a strawberry smoothie made with
ff milk, frozen unsweetened strawberries, and a big scoop of protein powder.....yumo!
Off to church pretty soon....then nothing really planned
for today. Still haven't heard or seen anything of Floyd
and his wife, so don't know if they are stopping by or not.
Have some chicken thighs thawing in the refrigerator and if it's not too hot today, I'll get out the charcoal grill and
cook them outside, otherwise they'll go in the oven.
Sure was hot here yesterday.....didn't venture out except
to grab the mail, and quick trip to grocery store to pick
up a couple pieces of cooked fish for supper last nite.
Heard it raining and thundering sometime in the nite, but didn't even rouse up and check what time it was....just glad for a little rain, as we haven't had any down here for
a long, long time....yard is completely brown.
Hope everyone has a blessed Sunday....
Pat R.
(on MySpace, MSN, Web pages, Blogs...)
Done! Your Ticker:
1:00 behavioral group - lasts 1 1/2 hr. and 2:30 P.A. and
then we will getting the heck outta town...before the rush!
If I don't get to see you, at least we will have lots of time together at the GTG in Frankenmuth!
Pat
(on MySpace, MSN, Web pages, Blogs...)
Done! Your Ticker:
Good morning, Eileen and all my OFF sisters and brothers. I hope that today proves to be a wonderful one for you all.
Eileen, I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this right now. I know that things are scary but remember that you have us. Please know that you can come on here and together we can help you to figure something out~even if all we do is listen. We are a group of listeners and we do that well. Know that we love you and things will work out. You have to do what you have to do to survive and know that things are not forever all the time. Things change and so do cir****tances. Please just put your trust in God and know that He is there right beside you helping all the time. He is there even when you don't think that He is. You know that old saying "When God closes a door He opens a window"? That is one of my favorite sayings and I know that it is true. Sometimes we just fail to see the window because sometimes it has blinds on it. lol Well, a friend of mine has something that she adds to that old saying. She says "When God closes a door He opens a window but sometimes there is hell going on in the hallway". You must be in the hallway right now. Know that the door or the window is there. I promise it is.
I have the church service at the state park this morning. I am meeting Mildred at the church parking lot at 8 this morning. I was going to do the service on emotions and changing them in a positive way but that is changed. lol I couldn't get my printer to work last night so I am using the one I did last time in church on forgiveness. Maybe for a reason huh? I figure that I am never going to see these people again. It isn't like they are my church family or anything. lol But then again people at the church are still talking about that one too. So who knows? I should be getting ready but I needed my OFF fix for the morning.
Things have worked out with Shawn. We had a long talk and now we are all on the same page. He said that he always thought of me as the baby's grandma. That is why he said that when he called to tell us about the baby that he said that we are going to be grandma and grandpa. I know that Bill's cousin who is a **** stirer started the whole thing with the step stuff. He admitted that to his sister Trudy. Trudy told him that he started something that almost had dissastress results and he better watch out. He did tell us that he was sorry and that is something that usually Danny doesn't do. He thrives on starting stuff because his own life is so miserable. He knows that if you plant a seed of something in Bill's head he thinks about it and soon he is off and running. I told Bill that it worked out this time but it might now next time. I told Shawn that I didn't want to overstep my boundaries with the other grandma's, namely Linda. I would like the baby to call me TuTu (thanks Maui Karen) and told him what that means. I think he thought I was nuts but that isn't the first time and I doubt that it will be the last. So things are looking good right now. We have a date of around April 14th and they are treating the pregnancy as a high risk one since the medical problem she has with the I think endometreosis. Keep Carol and the baby in your prayers please. I just want this baby so bad. Even if things didn't work out I wouldn't want anything to happen to the poor little thing.
I guess I had better get going. I have to leave in about an hour and it takes a long time to get this face looking halfway decent. I wouldn't want to scare the poor people at the campground!
I am sending lots of love and hugh hugs to everyone. I am keeping you all in my prayers and special ones are going up for those in need of them. Thanks to everyone for just being the wonderful people that you are. I am blessed by being a part of you all.
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived.
I'm so happy that things smoothed out for you.
Aloha nui loa,
Maui Karen
I am glad you sat down and talked with Shawn; despite the problems you had last week, he sounds like he grew up a bit last week. That's good. That was a mature response to a difficult situation. Tutu is a good name, regardless of how Shawn reacted to it ... doesn't matter if he thinks you're crazy; you're not stepping on any toes by being called Grandma. Like I told you, my sister-in-law is just called Margaret by my niece's kids, but I know they consider her just as much their grandma as they do their "real" grandma ... probably more so because Margaret gives more real love. Just as I know you will, too.
Thanks for your kind words ... I was thinking of that saying too ... but I was thinking of I would probably jump out the window at this point. Like, who is going to hire someone in their 50s? Newspapers are notorious for hiring younger people right out of college to pay lower wages; it's why I got out of reporting in the first place (one of the reasons) because I found they weren't hiring experienced reporters, but they were hiring experienced editors. Now they're not hiring experienced editors, either. As a friend told me, I need to reinvent myself. Or go on disability. Well, thanks for the prayers ... my mom is rattling her rosary beads, too. I can use all the help I can get.
Hi Eileen
New here although a lurker and I can relate. I still work have 5 years to retirement but worry about the REST of my life ... This is new to me as I just starting thinking along these lines.
I am 5 years out RNY ,just turned 55 and cant believe that I am 55...LORD where has the time gone.
I am headed to church in a bit so I will add you to my prayer this .... I know it will work out ofr us but in the meantime we can sure spend countless nights.'Hugs and Blessings to you
Shirley
I am 4 years out ... but with my Chap. 13 bankruptcy, I have two years to go, so I haven't been able to put anything into my 401 (k) for the past three years and now another two years. I'm barely squeaking by now financially and really need to look at getting a part-time job, but my pain issues limit me to something that I can sit down at, and I work evenings so I'm limited there, too. Plus I'm just too pooped to do a whole lot. I probably won't be able to retire til I'm 75 with all my financial woes. I have changed jobs too much and worked at some pitiful places that didn't pay diddly squat and with no retirement benefits over the years, so I don't have much socked away ... plus I was never a good saver. I thought when I got here nine years ago, I had found my final job, so I bought a house ... now I don't know. The newspaper business is so unstable now. It's all I've ever done or wanted to do. So now I'm getting very worried about my future. ... work somewhere else, sell my condo (and they're not selling), file for disability (would I get it?) ... I don't know.
Thanks for the support.
and then--didya ever try to repaint just patches on a wall? and didya use the very same (can of )paint?? well!!! it was waaaaay darker!! and we bought the a new can of same stuff from the paint store and it is waaaay lighter!!!!!sooooooooooo we now have to repaint the entire kitchen and living room and hall...which really isn't a bad thing it just wasn't in the plan physically or money wise toward selling the house! dang it! i have done enough sewing and crafts to know about dye lots etc but i really am discouraged that a paint would change so much in the can -new! from 4 years ago! shouldn't be but i am!!!
and a lot of our issues would be som much simpler if i had any clue as to where we want to live once we move- as to what to get rid of etc! i have muchos more to say but i will hold my tomngue-too many ppl read this if ya know what i mean!well- maybe you don't know what i mean...the walls have ears??? um...flies in the corner???? never mind!!!!
eileen...i know that your problems are very very real and that you spend every waking -and sleeping- minute worrying and that you are the only one who can do this ...however- your worrying is going to kill you as it is killing michael...he doesn't sleep and he argues and he frets and he makes everyone else miserable because it seems like he is buying trouble--
the buyouts--are they geared specifically to certain depts and jobs???it seems like they should be and you keep talking about how they are offering to ppl in their 30's--i would think that the age of the ppl has nothing to do with anything-that it is their job that is being done away with? i'm not trying to make light of this- oh my no!!! i can feel the tension in your words and i know all too well what you are talking about -specially after what michael and i just went thru yestertday here...and what i go thru daily at my own job...i am sorry- i am not trying to upset you with this- i just think that somehow you need to understand that you are buying trouble and find a way to get some peace- a prayer or something- wish i could help more and please don't be angry with me! i focus on the serenity prayer-and i break it down into phrases when i need to --and focus on one phrase..it helps me...
as for your job-can you talk to a super and ask what kind of courses maybe you could take to learn teh new style of editing-the computerized version- if you don't already know hwo? and maybe the paper could find a way fo ryou to learn since you seem to be very competent in what you do i would think they would try to find a way to keep you up to date on technology and help you to remain vital to them! just my thoughts..
brenda- you go get em!!! and congrats for talking to shawn..i knew there was "the rest of the story" to be told!
pat r-i thought floyd was coming thru NEXT week? maybe on your end this week? i dunno i got very very confused by his post and i was ready to meet him LAST thursday nite til he corrected me! men! chicken on the grill sounds great! i need to think of something for tonite's dinner.
well- hugs and prayers....
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White
