Why are people mean?

Could it be that we are unhappy with ourselves and take it out on others?
Or could it be that we do not want to fix our problem so transfer frustration to others?
Or could it be we are too lazy to face our problem so we take it out on others?
What satisfaction can we get out of being mean to others? If we do it is temporary at most.
A mean person must feel miserable inside.
Any thoughts?

Alice

Alice....I think you have answered your own question.

People are sometimes just so unhappy with themselves and their own lives that they feel that they need to share those feelings with others. If they are miserable ....everybody should be miserable.
How sad is that!!

I try hard to show compassion and caring for others no matter how I feel. Sometimes making others feel good makes us feel better too.

Hugs, connie d

I totally agree with you Connie. I was reading the message board on the main rny and someone told a pre-op she doesn't belong on the board till after surgery. Very teritorial. She made that pre-op feel unwanted.
I often wonder how others view all my questions but I need to learn all I can to make my journey successful. Everyone on this board has been more than kind. I feel very at home here.
Thanks for responding.

Alice

Alice:

Ask all the questions you want. As a former reporter, I know there are no stupid questions, only stupid people who won't answer. I used to be a sports writer, and when I first started covering sports I didn't know well (like volleyball, football, wrestling, etc.), I would ask questions and start the question like this: "I know this is probably a stupid question, but ..." A lot of the male coaches would grimace and then answer the question with this look like, "God, this dumb broad!" The female coaches would usually be very nice to me and say, "No, that's not a stupid question." And then they would educate me about their sport. And that's how I learned. There was one male coach, in basketball, who took the time to teach me about his sport, never treated me like I was stupid, regardless of how stupid my questions might have been. He treated me like a student ... because he was a teacher. I respected him for that. We all are learning something, and we should never treat anyone as stupid. Please ask all the questions you need, because this is a big step for you.

Having been the fat kid that was picked on by others in school, I wondered this many times. Never did come up with an answer. But I always went out of my way to be extra nice to those who were teased or picked on by the bullies. I knew how it felt ... to be ridiculed for my size, my speech impediment, my ugly orthotic shoes. I lived it my whole life. I think people want to feel superior to others ... they see their own problems and then want to take it out on others who they feel are inferior. But you know what, they are the inferior ones for doing that. I don't know what happened to you, Alice, but I know how hard it is to put up with cruelty. There is no satisfaction in the long run. They are sad individuals inside, really.

I believe that all of us who were/are overweight have had to deal with the stares, ugly comments, and embarrasment
our whole lives and how it made us feel......unloved, ashamed, and inferior. Fortunately now for many of us
after WLS we can feel the pain of others more and we
must reach out to them with our love. We've been given
a new life ......why not throw out a life line to some one
who so desperately needs it. I know all about the meanness ......I have experienced it for a whole lot of years and why do some people act that way? They just
don't care how they treat people and I think underneath
there is an underlying reason that we will probably never know. I'm sad for them..... The Bible tells us to "love one another" and "treat your neighbor as yourself"....it also says to love your enemy. Somedays it's pretty hard,
but when all is said and done, if we can reach out with love, we've helped someone else and in the end have
helped ourselves as well.

My thoughts..............when someone is mean and says bad things..........I think they feel very inferior and that is the only way they can build themselves up.
I have tried over the last few years to find something good about everyone instead of focusing on the negatives about people I tried sometimes I have to try really hard to find something good about them.   And let that person know they have good qualities.   Everyone likes the hear something good about themself.
I know when I am *****y and crabby to my family I feel miserable inside.
barb