Family Says I'm Too Thin

Even at 56 I'm still wanting my mother's approval. She did not want me to have WLS which was OK. Now, 10 months later I've lost more than 100 pounds; had a total hip replacement; and am using all my tools and have my life back! Last Saturday I went to a family reunion and saw my extended family. My sister introduced me to everyone as her "half sister". When I talked to mom yesterday she said that my brother (the "golden boy") said I was too thin and she agrees. My brother and sister-in-law lost weight by going to Weigh****chers. My God, I've done that route several times to reach my goal 3x only to gain it back again and again. I needed something different and WLS has been my answer.

I went home from work last night so upset that I've worked so hard for 3 years to qualify for the surgery, have worked every tool possible and to have my family discount my hard work makes me feel/no realize that I can't count on the people I love most in the world to support me and my decisions. I'm so frustrated and would just like some recognition for my hard work instead of people thinking I'm anorexic. I'm 5'8" and weighh 148 - I'm in the middle of of normal for my BMI and wear a size 10 comfortably. My initial goal weight I set for myself was 155-160 so I'm 10 pounds less than that, mostly because I walk 2.5 miles daily and work out doing all my physical therapy exercises in addition. I feel fantastic and am eating 50% more calories than while I was losing. Why do we still want that approval from our parents and siblings????

My husband is the best. He knows more than anyone how hard I have worked. At first he didn't want me to have WLS but when he attended my first informational class with me In January 2007 he got on board and has supported me all the way. I love him so much and how he understands me. I know that all of you out there in cyberland understand me also. Thank you for being there and letting me vent.  All of you provide a place of comfort for our "special needs" when most of the world doesn't understand what we're going through.

Much love, Kathie

Kathie....don't let them get to you. Family is always going to say you are too small. They are always the most critical too.
At your weight and hieght and a size ten you are not too small.You must look pretty darn good.
Some people are jealous and that is why they say the things they do. How many of us have tried other diets and have gained, lost, gained, lost and gained even more. These people see your success and are probably worried that they might gain their weight back and that would make them look bad.
Also...don't give them that power over you. You are the only one that can make yourself listen and believe their chatter. Believe in yourself. You have done an awesome job..be proud. Prove them wrong that WLS is a bad choice. 
We have to get thick skinned because we hear so many rude and senseless remarks. Just thank them for their concern and let them know you and your doctor are working together on this. You are at a comfortable weight for you. You feel healthy and strong and leave it at that.

Have a good day....hugs, connie d

Hi Connie,

Thank you so much for your support. I am so humbled by everyone's support at this site and knew you would help me through this.

I love your comment that we need to be "thick skinned" regarding rude and senseless remarkes. Maybe that's one reason we don't loose all of that sagging skin in this process. I certainly have a lot of skin. I think I'll think about that whevever I complain about my loose skin on my arms, legs, butt, tummy...it's there for a reason to help me with those rude remarks.

Thank you again. Kathie

Sad but true, you cannot pick your family.  So, your stuck with them.  Just do like me and let it goin one ear and out the other.

Hi Jeannie,

Thank you for reminding me of the importance of friends. I recently had a very good friend retire and I prepared a beautiful video for her with photos from the past 20+ years. At the end I had a quote that basically says that fate chooses your family and you choose your friends. It's ironic to me that I get so much more support from my co-workers and casual friends than I do from my family members.

Thanks again for your support.

Kathie

Believe me..I am not as thin as you and I have gotten some remarks...especially in the first year....it is such a shock to them to see you and when they have not seen it happen gradually.....also your face sometimes takes awhile to catch up to the weight loss and you look real thin in the face...and of course all those wrinkles that our fat little faces filled out appear ...just to haunt us.

The nice comments I got was "Are you wanting to lose anymore?...I hope not"...well I just say "I'm not sure...I didn't want to argue......but now no one says that anymore, they are used to it and I need to lose at least 25 -30 pounds to be at a good spot.

My son-in-law said to my daughter last week when they were looking at some movies of the children....."My gosh, I can't believe that is your Mom...I am so used to her now..I can't believe that she was really that big!"...and my sweet daughter said "and sooo miserable"..remember!!

Keep thinkin' the good thoughts! Marti

Hi Marti,

I'm sure you are right about the first year being the most difficult. I hadn't seen my brothers since April (the day before my hip surgery) and I was 174 at that time. The last 25 pounds really made a big difference since I went from being a little overweight to being a normal weight. My husband reminds me that I probably have about an extra 10 pounds of excess skin on me so that I need to take that into considertion when looking at charts. I admit that I look older because my face no longer has the fat on it. But I know that I've tried so hard this past year and my #1 goal right now is to be healthy by walking, exercising, and eating right.

Thank you again for all of your amazing posts. You always have something that is very thought provoking to share. You're awesome!

Kathie

Kathi,
God gave us two ears for a good reason:
That is so we can let those comments go in one ear and right out the other.

If they don't see you every day, a hundred pound loss makes you look much different. That does upset the family pecking order doesn't it?

Either give them time to get used to the NEW YOU, have a heart to heart (if that is possible), or try to ignore the negative remarks.

Many people don't understand obesity OR WLS. Should I say MOST people? We understand though.

You are doing great.

Annette

Hooray for a supportive hubby. Alas, you are probably stuck with the family and their comments.

Hi Annette,

Thank you for suggesting a "heart to heart" conversation. I sent an email to my brother yesterday and know that he's on my side. I went through my process and reasoning again why I choose WLS instead of traditional dieting again. I have yo-yo diet my whole life and I just couldn't bring myself to do it once again knowing that I would regain it in the end. I needed to get off that cycle and do something entirely different. I love my WLS and wouldn't change one thing about the process that I've been going through for the past 3 years.

Yes, my DH is the BEST. He understands me like no one else and supports me 100%. But he hasn't gone through this process which is why I know that people like you and the rest of the OFF understand me. I hope to join you at one of your "retreats" sometime and meet some of you face to face. You're awesome!

Kathie

Kathie, im 55 yrs old and ;ike you been dieting all my life if their was a new diet pill i got it and tried curves , weigh****chers x 3 or 4 and all came back and more i weigh 275 lbs more than ever weight in whole life.. worked as lpn till i herniated disc in neck and back.cant work anymore.i go for rny on sept 2 nd am afraid thinking this will be another failure.my problems is sweets and have diabetes in family.do you think i can do this?