Taking the Bad with the Good - without Food

I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend.  I had a hard day with my 89-yr-old mom yesterday.  She spent the afternoon with us and the dogs and was fine until I took her back to her assisted living facility.  Then she started worrying about where her car is (she hasn't owned a car in at least 15 yrs) and where her keys are (she doesn't need keys now - no car, no apartment, no luggage) and where does she live (she didn't recognize the assisted living facility) and what is her apartment number...I felt like my sharp old mom is disappearing before my eyes.  All I have now is her ailing, feeble body - the old Mom is receding and I'm having trouble dealing with the new Mom.

So, I was really depressed when I got up this morning.  Went for a 40-min. walk and felt a little bit better, but still down and listless.  Went to church and felt a little bit better.  This afternoon, I had a book signing for my novel at a local art gallery, sold a whopping 4 books but enjoyed interesting conversation with the folks who showed up (all church members). 

The point of this post isn't to whine about my life (but thanks for listening anyway).  The point is that we had 2 kinds of cookies and SF fruit tea at the book signing, and I didn't eat a single cookie!  I had planned to eat one as a treat, but when I saw them all sitting out on plates, I thought, "It's just not worth it."  I had 2 glasses of fruit tea, enjoyed the conversation and the beautiful artwork surrounding me, and came home.  The day's not over yet, but so far I survived a bad day without using food for comfort.

Jean

(((jean))) i can sympathize with you on this sickness your mom has....my soon to be ex husband had some dementia like problems awhile back and now has some other brain problems due to radiation of his brain...my heart goes out to you and we are here to listen when ever you need to vent or whatever you want to call it...you did good on not having the cookies too!!! (now if it would have been me i would have eaten a few and then feel guilty after the fact...)

hugs

Jean,
So sorry about your mother. 

I didn't realize you were an author what kind of novels do you write?   I am going to an author's convention/workshop or something like that with my daughter in Sept.  It was going to be in Kentucky at first and now they moved it to West Virginia,  I am not really sure what it is, just that my daughter invited me to go with her.

It is a milestone not to turn to food when he have had a stressful day and especially when they are sitting right in front of us saying "eat me"

Barb

Barb,

I write "mainstream" novels.  That is, novels meant for the average American woman.  Not romance, not mystery, not science fiction, not suspense, not military, not anything but...mainstream.  You can PM me for more info.  OH won't let me post my website address.

thanks,
Jean

Jean,
Good for you - you made a good choice in a difficult situation. Those cookies would not have solved a single problem.

This is hard but you WILL manage. Try to find another way to "treat" yourself.

Hi Jean,  I hope it helps that others understand what you are going through. We have a very similar situation with my mother in law, except she is too the point we cannot take her out of the nursing home. We went to see her Friday and she was having  good day , she knew all of us, something that happens less and less. Hugs, Paulette

Paulette,

Thanks for the kind words.  I guess you have to take the good days, when they know you, with the bad, and be grateful for the time they spend on earth taking care of us when we were too little to do it for ourselves.

A friend of mine spent 10 years taking care of a mom with senile dementia - couldn't tell one of her 9 children from another - and has no regrets now.  I've only been doing this for 2 years.

But as think I've said before, sometimes I think this is payback for all the times I was a brat as a child...

Jean

Hi Jean, my mother in law was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2003, but we could see signs back in late 1999 and early 2000 that something was changing her personality. when my father in law died in May 2005, my husband assumed responsibility for his mom, none of his 5 brothers or sisters wanted or could do that, unfortunately we were only able to keep her her with us for 5 months. She just couldn't adjust to being here and kept trying to walk to her home in Florida. I think sometimes it is easier on me than my husband seeing his mom this way. It is a shame because she was always the backbone of their family.   I have learned so much more about my mother in law in the last couple years though, we had the responsibility of selling their home and going through all their things. I learned that when she was in high school she and many of the same interests I had as a teen, literature and drama. I wish I had known that years ago.  I'll keep you and your mom in my prayers, but I don't think it is payback, I think its just a time to care for them as they cared for us.........Hugs, paulette

Jean...I will keep your mother in my prayers....you too!!

Hugs, connie d

Hi Jean,
Wow- you did great. I know I've said this before- grief brings all persons together. I can feel the grief as you deal with your mom's decline. It sounds like you are taking good care of yourself during the process. Hugs to you.
Julia