Had my second psych visit today.....

Well,,,,,,she gave me the results of the testing I did a month ago....got some probs....Dah!! Low self-esteem is the top one.....but I knew that already. I'M FAT!!!!!! Since I seen her last I've been feeling alot better tho, I started on serious vitamin regimen, eating protein, vegs/fruits and some complex carbs, started some excersize. I lost 18# since end of April and that in itself has made me feel much better about myself eventho I have a LONG way to go. It'll come off easier after surgery. I have to see my Nut tomorrow AM, 3rd visit out of 6. I'm going to ask her why the doc said I needed 3 nut visits and she says 6. I'm going to try to get her to commit to a month that I may have this surgery. I need to plan. We need to ask off at work 2 months in advance. The psych also said I still show signs of PTSD from my abusive marriage....I thought I had conquered that. I need to get my head healthy before I go into this so I'm going to be seeing a therapist in a few weeks. Probably not a bad idea. Well, I just needed to tell someone about this....I don't share stuff like this at work. Thanks for listening. Alice

Alice, We listen and understand! Therapy won't hurt and may help more than you can imagine. Good for you. Appointments with your Nut are good too. Start writing every question that drifts through your mind - nothing is too trivial. When you go to your appointments, ask everything. Knowledge is power. My surgeon makes us commit to (and pay for) 3 years of follow-up appointments with our Nut before he will approve us for WLS. One of the best investments I have made. 18 pounds is fantastic. Keep it up, you are on your way. Annette

Thank you Annette, you are an Angel. I feel alittle deflated tonite after that visit but I've been to counseling in the past and it takes alot out of you. It would be justice if my ex would have to pay for all this...not that it's all his fault but he is a big part of it. But I'd rather keep him far away, out of my life. With my children grown, I don't have to communicate with him much any more. That's a good thing. I think I'm going to clear my mind of everything and get some good sleep tonite before another day at the clinic. Thanks again Sweet Annette for your kind words. Alice

Good for you, Alice....keep up the visits....post traumatic stress disorder is not to mess with and can still creep up on you when you least expect it. Do they have you on anything like Alprazolam or anything?  I have Panic Attacks and sometimes I feel like I am going to have one and that truly creates "panic" in me and If I quickly take an Alprazolam and dissolve it under my tongue it usually helps. They think my Panic Attacks have something to do with my breathing getting very shallow and lack of oxygen to my brain...but the true panic comes from the beginning of one...they are terrifying. Last month, one came on so quickly I just passed out, hit my head and sprained my ankle. I was just sitting in my kitchen talking to my daughter and son-in-law, no stress, but I had been sitting there for about an hour before they came home. Believe me we all have our demons on this forum and we will always be there for you. Keep thinkin' the good thoughts. Hugs, Marti

Hey Alice, I'm four years out (as of Sunday) and I'm still seeing a therapist because I still have issues ... still some self-esteem, some emotional eating, emotional spending (when I have the money ... but it's not on credit cards at least); and just dealing with the stress of the bankruptcy and not having the money to pay bills because of the gas prices and inflation. I like having someone to unload on that doesn't judge me. Insurance pays for it (otherwise I couldn't go ... well, I have to pay the copays). Yes, getting your head healthy is important. Let us know how we can help you along the way. If you need someone to talk to, let me know. Sometimes, just talking to someone hels.

Thank you Marti and Eileen, just knowing you care means alot! The hard part is that the PTSD is from my past and I don't want to think about the past, only the future. My life has changed so much in the last few months, for the better, that I don't want to "go back there". But if this is the only way, so be it. This is the first time in my life that I can focus on ME so I might as well do it right. I so much want this excess wt gone but my head needs to be adjusted right as well. I figure by the time I'm 60 (few yrs away) I should have myself together. Better late than never! Thanks again Ladies, Alice

Alice, you are going into this very positive and I know that it is going to work out for you. Just remember, even though you don't want to deal with the past (and I do not know anyone who does!) you have to deal with it and put it where it belongs~the past. No baggage from it is going to make things so much easier on you working on the present and the future. Good luck in your endevours and I will be keeping you in my prayers. Just turn things over to God and He will get you through things easier. I am sending you love and hugs. Congratulations on getting a hold of things before you go into this new and wonderful life. You have done something very postitive for yourself and made a great decision.

Thank you Brenda for your support. It feels like this testing opened up a can of worms that I thought was gone but apparently not.  The psych said that any issues before surgery can be greatly magnified after surgery. She said that many patients have difficulties with self image after surgery. I had read here about that but I didn't think it was that serious. I tried to impress on her how important it was to me to lose this wt. She said she feels I am a good candidate for this surgery but to keep aware of my feelings during the journey.  I need to leave for my nut appt now but thanks again Brenda for your help. Alice

Alice, I'm chiming in a little late here, but I want to say that therapy can be a wonderful thing.  I was treated for PTSD when I was in my late 30's and thought I was done with it, but apparently not...ten years later, things started to surface again and needed more attention.  I told my counselor that I felt like I was going around in circles and she said no, it's more like a spiral.  LOL!  I was still in counseling when I had WLS and for the first 6 months afterwards and it was so helpful.  My therapist is experienced with WLS and eating disorder patients and it was great to have her help as I adjusted to the lifestyle changes and to dealing with anxiety and stress without using food for comfort. It sounds like you're doing all the right things in preparation for surgery.  Seeing the nutritionist 6 times isn't a bad thing, either.  My nutritionist is excellent and I've learned a lot from her. Jean

Our focus today at the nut was why I eat. What triggers my eating other than hunger. I didn't get weighed today but we talked alot...extension of yesterday's psych visit. I have alot to work on inside of me I'm finding out. I had thought alot of my probs would fade with the wt loss since I gain so much self esteem when thinner. But I think I have alot more to work on than wt loss can take away. This is the perfect time to do this...I am finally focusing on ME...first time in my life. Need to correct the inside as well as the outside. Yes, I only have about 20-25yrs left in life but I want them to be quality yrs. I would love to travel, do things I've never done before. You have no idea how much I appreciate each and every one of you for your support! It means alot to me. Have a Great Day!! Alice