16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any cir****tances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word is 'meetings.'
3. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them..
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with
boo
Boo, I love the one about pregnancy comments. I wish I had a freaking dollar for every time someone asked me when the baby was due when I wasn't pregnant. Jean
Jean McMillan c.2009-2013 - Always a bandster at heart
author of Bandwagon (TM), Strategies for Success with the Adjustable Gastric Band & Bandwagon Cookery. Bandwagon for Kindle now available on Amazon. Read my blog at: jean-onthebandwagon.blogspot.com
Hey, Boo, so glad to hear from you. Missed you popping in and chatting.
I personally like the last one~since sometimes you just HAVE to whip them into shape! My niece told me that Uncle Bill is really a wonderful guy and I said to her "Do you think I got him that way? I had to train him to be who he is today and it tooks years!", and it is that simple. I now have 20 years invested in him and so I can't trade him in now. Besides he is 52 and I couldn't keep up with 2 26 year olds~no matter how sexy they were!!!
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived.
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