Book on How to be assertive

Hi everyone, This is somewhat related to wls...does anyone know a good book on how to be assertive? I feel all this desire inside to speak my mind but I freeze, my face gets hot and I can't get out what I want to say. I'm trying to improve more in my life than just weight loss. I grew up very shy and to some appear confident and in control but it's fake. I hear that if you are able to speak your mind you feel so much better about everything.  Many of you are very strong, and I admire that. Any info would be much appreciated.  Thank you, Alice

Hi Alice, As a teacher, I used the book "Assertive Discipline" early in my career.  A search for assertive at your local library might be helpful.   Sorry I can't be more help ...  Good Luck! Janelle

Hi Alice.....I find that lots of people unfortunately too many people and authors confuse assertiveness with aggression.  I have liked this book "Civilized Assertiveness for Women: Communication with Backbone...not Bite".  Check it out. let me know what you think.It teaches you how to set limits when dealing with people, but not be offensive when you do it. I think you might like it, as it is hard to change your basic personality, you just need a few ideas of what to say and when to say it. The favorite thing I say is "Excuse me" in different tones depending on what is said to me. It makes the person you are "communicating with have to repeat the stupid thing they said to you and it gives you time to think of what to say back to them. Good luck...Marti

I don't know of a book, but I do know what has helped for me when I've had to be assertive in a particular situation that I knew was coming up.   I practiced "out loud" what I would say and how I would want to say it.  The first time I said it, it was tough.  After repeated times, it got a little easier.    I know for me this was very helpful.

I don't know of any books either, but I like Jan's idea. Also, write down what you what to accomplish. If someone is pushing you around on an issue, write down what you want to say to that person. Sometimes writing it down first can put it in your mind and make it easier to come out of your mouth.  I have found that winning a battle makes the next one easier, and the next one, etc. Sometimes I tend to get a little hysterical too (especially when it comes to money issues ... like the recent one with the condo association folks) so I have to remind myself to be calm and not scream or belittle the person.  Believe it or not, I was pretty shy growing up ... I had a lisp and didn't like to talk much, plus I was fat and everyone made fun of me. But I became a reporter and so I had to ask questions, and I had to overcome my shyness.  Yeah, I know those of you who know can't believe I was once shy. It's true.

Thank you All so much. I will practice everything you suggested. It's strange, if I'm defending my children I am a BEAR but for myself a mouse. I'm on a negotiating committee this Fall and I feel this is a good time to work on this. My Nut. says to look into myself and ask why do I want to grab food for comfort...I feel it is emotion inside that I'm having difficulty releasing.  Thank you All sooo much. Alice