Is there a psychiatrist in the house?

Marc, I wish I had a magic solution for you.  I will say that counseling has helped me deal with the mental and emotional issues around eating that I have.  I'll bet your bariatric surgeon could give you a referral to someone experienced with WLS and/or eating disorder patients. If you can't afford counseling, consider attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings.  My local paper publishes meeting times of various support groups once a month.  You can also check the oa website: www.oa.org. Good luck! Jean

jean; i know that you were answering marc--but i have thought of OA and there aren't mtgs within less than 30-45 miles if me...bummer.....so taht is not always a viable option.

I know - I have the same problem - nearest meeting is 1-1/2 hrs away - but I thought it might be worthwhile for Marc to check out -

Marc: I have similar issues about eating and also overspending. I quit counseling thinking I had all my addiction issues licked ... WRONG! I am back in counseling working on it again. I told my therapist I don't have problems with eating anymore, but this weekend I have been snacking too much because I'm so depressed over money issues so I guess I don't have the eating issues in control. At least it made me a bit sick so I didn't want to try it again. I know what you mean about self-destruction; I've talked about this in therapy. I too had a gym membership I wasn't using; I would like to still have it because the pool was good for me but because of my financial problems I had to give it up. But now I'm exercising regularly at home (and I mean everyday.) I know the therapy is good for me because I have no one to unload on in my family. As soon as I started to bring up my bad week with my mother on Sunday, she said goodbye.She didn't want to hear about it. Same with my best friend; as soon as I start talking about my problems with my knee, she hangs up. I can't talk with anybody about my problems. So my therapist is it. Her, and my cats (And thank you, Carla, for listening to me cry Saturday night, you helped me more than you know.) By having someone to talk to, it helps me to stop eating what I shouldn't and when I shouldn't, because I have an eating problem. As one of the people in the support group said, they fixed our stomachs,not our heads. Unfortunately in our support group, they don't really deal with it enough (one of the reasons I quit going ... it's too big of a group to deal with the problems).  That's why I keep coming here. Find someone you can talk to so you can work on your issues. If that's a therapist, fine. If it's a support group, good.

Dear Marc...well I am not a psychiatrist...but I am an old pscyh nurse....so here goes......We seem to have this need to be perfect and if we can't do it ALL perfect...we just put up with failure......

My advice....start on ONE AREA.....just try the exercise and see if you can conquer that for example....don't worry about the food now....just try to work out at least 3 days a week to start and then work up to 5 days a week....I think you will find when you do good at one area....you will begin to feel better about yourself and want to take care of yourself again.

Your pouch doesn't really stretch.....you will get yourself back to where you want...but one thing at a time....NOT perfection in all areas at once.

Take care,

Marti

Thanks Marti... I think this is excellent advice... and I am going to try to get myself to the gym again no matter how tired I am after work...

Marti, I know this response was directed at Marc....but thank you for posting this.  I needed a V8 (slapping my forehead) moment this morning.

Hi Marc, I want to thank you for being honest about what is going on with you- I wondered where you had gone. I am newer at this but I see my old food issues lurking every day. I am definitely no expert at this, but I think that what I'm going to try to do is keep my eating (and myself, for that matter) as balanced as is possible. We are all human, and full of quirks and "issues". It is part of our humanity that we "f--- up" now and then. Thank goodness. I hate to meet perfect people, don't you?  I know that you do want to feel good, and if you are anything like me, as soon as you start trying again to keep things balanced that feeling of safety will return. I agree with the others- having a support group helps. Just talking about the silly, self-destructive things we do brings us closer as people. Being honest on here helps too, if you can sift through the parts and answers that do not apply to you. I had many years of therapy when my brother was dying and it helped me so much that I would recommend that to anyone that can afford the $100 an hour (YOW). But to tell you the truth, it helped me to understand myself better, but not as much with changing my food issues. They are my biggest challenge- I have so much hope that this WLS will help with that. So far, so good, but you remind me that I am in charge of how successful I will be with the long term results. By the way, my gym membership is sitting there unused too... so I went and bought an old-lady bike and so far it's much more motivating. I go to the bike trail every morning (I am awkward still- haven't ridden a bike in more than 30 years) and I feel the wind on my face. It feels like being a teen again, plus I feel great that I'm doing something (anything) to help myself succeed. So feel good that you did this- you asked for help. Now sift and listen. If you need a phone number for support, PM me. I would be happy to be a support contact. Julia

Marc, I may be way out of line here but you asked what worked for us. Self control is almost nonexistant for me. Before surgery my husband agreed that our home would ONLY have good for ME foods here. I often say that the only non WLS friendly food in the house is the cat food. If he wants cake, cookies or other tempting to me foods, he eats them out of our home. I've told him that if he ever kisses me with chocolate cookie breath it will be his last kiss from me.  With that being said, could you enlist your wife to help by doing something similar? SF pudding is real tasty and won't be bad for her either. Same for SF Jello. If it's not in the house, YOU won't be tempted and would have to go out of your way to get funky munchies. My motivation to stick to the program was deteriorating health. I figure at my age, I am running out of time to get rid of the weight and try to be healthy. There are a bunch of grand's and a darned good hubby who might want to have me around for a few more years. My menus are pretty much the same day after day as recommended by my Nut. That way I don't have to think of the vast choices out there.  The stuff isn't here, it's not on my menu and I won't buy it.  You could try making a list of a variety of selections if you don't want the same every day. Just rotate the menu a bit. Have lunch for breakfast and supper for lunch. Make it exciting, not boring. The wifey has to cooperate or it's not going to work, in my opinion.   I'm no saint and I still think about food. But it is not in this house calling my name. There is no magic solution which works for all of us.We have to figure out what works for us and our life style.  Good luck to you. I hope you can figure out the next step. The Sisters have given you plenty of ideas. Let us know when you need more support. Annette

I am sure having all of this temptation is not helping, but part of me says that, if I was strong, I could resist the junk and lead the way for the family... ... but the harsh reality is, I am weak and usually break down and eat the junk. I like the menu idea... this will take some thought and I will work at it.. One of the hardest things for me is to have something in the truck with me while I work to grab and eat... easier to just grab some chips!