Is there a psychiatrist in the house?

Hi all... feeling pretty wacko here so needed to vent... What is even weirder is that I am doing so poorly following any kind of program I even quit posting here... feeling guilty and not wanting to be a hypocrite... I honestly do not understand why I insist on self destruction... it's a slow destruction, but that's what it is surely... I overeat, eat all the wrong stuff, then suffer for a few hours until I finally recover... then I do it all over again! .... really, I must be nuts! Yesterday I ate 4 frozen burritos!.... then felt like it might be necessary to call 911 ... I was sooooo sick, and spent the rest of day (practically) on the porcelain throne... Aaagghh!! ... how STUPID is that??????? I don't get it... I really don't. I KNOW what to eat.... I know the quantities I need to eat... I have a gym membership that I am not using... paying for it, but not going... My wife is overweight... and seems to take full advantage of me being "off the program" to buy and eat as many "bad" things as possible until I regain my senses.... yesterday she bought pie and ice cream... which I am sure I would have eaten if I wasn't already feeling so crappy from the all the overeating I had already done... ..... so ....... I should take the lead on this... be the action initiator... go for it! ... but I just don't! Is there some magic thing that occurred in your lives that caused that hidden switch inside of you to flip and caused you to follow the program? As you can tell, I am really frustrated... I wish I could go back in and have surgery again.. I was sure motivated for a year or more... now I can eat 4 burritos in one sitting! I know all of this is why I am fat in the first place... why I got out of control and needed the surgery in the first place... and why I am struggling so much now... My head ain't screwed on right... When I really want something, I go after it... aggressively... ..... I can't figure out why I don't want to feel good! ... it's a guarantee I will feel great if I follow the program and lose weight and exercise and drink water... guaranteed!! I am hoping something will click as I type this.... feeling around for that magic button.... Whoa! ... THAT ain't it!! You are all so smart and dedicated and doing so great.... please help a brother who just can't get going... for some reason the idea of eating the same thing day-in and day-out scares me... no idea why... Sorry for the long post.... this has been weighing on my mind for awhile... I read this forum every day, usually a few times a day.... and wish I had the intestinal fortitude you all have... Funny... I have awards for heroism from the Coast Guard, but eating less and exercising scares me to death... and here I didn't think I was afraid of anything.... Thanks... I will quit typing now before I get all mushy.....

Hi Marc, I'm pre-op and I don't claim to be any expert just cuz I've researched wls long and hard but my own experiences with eating wrong foods is that I was trying to "feed" a problem inside of me. I reach for the very best tasting, fatty, bad-for-me foods to try to kill that need or problem I have. I have very low self-esteem and often punish myself by harming my body with bad and large amts of food. The only way I "behave" better is to keep the bad foods out of my home and have good foods ready to go. When my emotions say "eat" I have to be able to grab something good instead of bad. My cir****tance is different from yours in that I live alone so foods meant for others does not come into play for me. Maybe if you write down your menu plans for a few days ahead and tell yourself that you are going to stick to them, you will have better success. You are feeling down cuz you feel like you've lost control...you have not lost control. Today is a new day and you can start out right now choosing correct foods. Maybe in a few days when you feel like you've gained some control, you can add alittle excersize. Little steps at a time. You've come a long way and have had much success. You can do this, you have before. Many people here will be more than willing to be here for you. Maybe when you feel that urge to grab wrong foods, come to this forum and read some of the postings like I do. I ALWAYS get encouragement here and I'm still pre-op!

Have a good Memorial Day, you deserve it. Alice

Thanks Alice... I am going to try to get my head screwed on straight ... I hope the threads aren't stripped!

That's ok Marc. Like I said, I'm not an expert in fact sometimes I think I should just keep my mouth shut. I see my first psychiatrist appt tomorrow. Talk about screws loose. It should be interesting to hear what she says. I was "stuck" yesterday...sat in my house on a beautiful day and accomplished nothing till 7pm, I mowed the lawn. I love Spring but no drive to get up and enjoy it. I'll have to figure out a plan to spill this all out for her tomorrow in the alotted time. Good luck to you Marc. I'm sure your threads aren't stripped, only need the correct screw driver to tighten them. We all are there at some point. Alice

Brother Marc, I have no magic button and no quick answer for you.  I struggle with the same things every day.  I want to EAT dammit!  Fortunately, I can't eat as much as I did before.  In our struggle to be "normal" we aren't and never will be.  Food is an obession for me still as much as it was prior to WLS.  I think about it, want it and sometimes eat the wrong things.  The goal for the first year- 2years post WLS is to learn to eat right. Protein, good carbs, good fats, and THEN if you still have room.....As I am now at2.5 years out I can eat a lot more then I could in the first 6 months to a year.  Not always a good thing.   Many of us failed before because we couldn't "stick" to the plan.  If we could have, we wouldn't have needed surgery right?  I firmly believe that it isn't totally a lack of will power, wishing, hoping etc.  This disease is insidious, it is a part of our brains, our stomachs, our emotions. So many have said it and it is said so well, I'll say it again.  They operate on our guts, not our heads.  WE didn't have brain surgery we had belly surgery. I still can't stick 100% to a plan.  BUT I also do not want to gain any further weight then I have.  It's a balancing act my friend.  I have a friend who had a DS done in Mexico.  She has a longer common chanel because of her anatomy then most DS folks do.  She was told she would lose less then most DS folks do.  She lost 80 of her 100lbs she wanted to lose.  Her husband never had a weight issue and even though she is 2 years out, he continues to buy her candy at holidays and birthdays.  Who can resist day after day of the most wonderful treats you love sitting there?  I sure can't, although I know what my blood sugar would do with it.......she can't resist either.  We are concerned he may be unknowingly sabotaging her.  Is your wife perhaps doing the same thing to you? Perhaps she feels threatened by your "new you"! Don't accuse, think about it and find out a plan to deal with it.  When she eats junk food, get out a carrot.  all that chewing and crunching may be all you need!  We will always have people saying, you don't need to lose any more weight, you look great now.  Or one time won't hurt!  would they say that to someone severly diabetic?  I think not.  We have a disease just as deadly as uncontrolled diabetes.  WE have obesity.  The surgery gives us SOME control where we had none before.  It gives us the opportunity to lose weight and feel better, the rest is up to us more or less.  NOW that being said, there are things that can be done if your stoma has stretched out too much.  I suggest first thing, see your surgeon.  talk with him/her.  Get their take on it.  They may suggest counselling.  May not.  If we were all motivated and "good" all the time, everything would be fine right?  Nope.  Losing weight has not solved a single problem that I had before surgery EXCEPT now I can feel better about myself and feel better in general. Good luck brother Marc, stay in touch because when you aren't here is when you need to be here.  Support groups help!   

Thanks... I will look around and see if there is a support group near me.... my surgeons office is over 3 hours away, so not real convenient...

Marc, First of all, thanks for coming here to the boards and asking for the help, I know it's hard, I have a rough time asking for help for me, but I can sure give it and support to others.....like you.... Now, as I see it, and this is just me talking to you....you may agree, you may disagree, you might say "oh yea" or you might say "your full of crap"....but I'll give it a go....and you have probably heard all this before.....but here it is again..... When you had your surgery you had a wonderful surgeon I am guessing. He gave you a tool to you the rest of you life.....now he did the surgery on the tummy, not the mind.....our mind is a very tricky thing....it can trick you into believing anything it wants to....example, when we lose a lot of weight and look in the mirror at our smaller self, do we see that smaller self, no, we still see the large person..... I have an exercise that I can send you, you it a written one, on head hunger vs real hunger.  It helps in trying to learn the difference......This surgery is not easy....too many things invovled.....plus we have to keep remembering....ugh...... Now, the next step.....the goodies the wife brings into the house.....It sounds like she is not to supportive of you and your surgery.  Maybe a little tough love is needed here....asking her to please not bring those things into the house, you are trying to stay healthy so you can take care of her, by working etc....if your back to obese it's kind of hard..... Support groups, do you attend one? find one you can take your wife too so she can learn about what is going on with you and others in our situations and how critical it is they give us their support and help.....it sounds like she feels your a threat to her weight issues.....it happens, tell her you love her and the decision for her to eat foods that are not healthy are her choices but you would like it if she didn't, that you would like her to go down the healthy path with you and share all the neat things in the world together.... There is the 5 day pouch test, that really isn't a test, you have probably heard all about it, Kaye Bailey is an incredible person and has put this plan together for us Post ops. I don't recommend it for new post ops, this is more for those that are like 2 years out and struggling mentally and physically with our foods....www.5daypouchtest.com  I know this week I am going to get on the band wagon and really do it. It helps us set out pouches back to what they should be, it helps with the carb monster.....it kick starts the weight loss again......I have some extra pounds that I need to take off and this will help me reduce it....this 5dpt is fun when a group of people do it and make themselves accountable to each other......the first two days are the hardest....really hard, but once you can get past those, it gets easier.....the website has recipes and etc...lots of help..... Marc, we all know what is right, we all know what we are suppose to do, but not all of us can do it. I have major battles as far out as I am, you have no idea,  all you newer post ops are in for a ride......you think your  on one now, just wait, I try to instill that in the minds of my peers........I keep saying "just wait".... No, onto another note, when was last time you had your labs runs? are you tracking them for highs and lows? are you keeping copies? I have an excel program for tracking them that I think is the cats meow...if you would like a copie just pm me your email address..... Sorry for ranting on like this......there's a whole lot more I could say...... but probably better to stop at this point. This is not to flame or hurt or point fingers, it is intended to help you.....

Thanks Darlene.... "I have an exercise that I can send you, you it a written one, on head hunger vs real hunger.  It helps in trying to learn the difference" Please send it to me... [email protected] "It sounds like she is not to supportive of you and your surgery" I think she just doesn't want anything to interfere with her foods that she loves to overeat... you know, ya gotta have your head on straight or the very idea of dieting sucks... " There is the 5 day pouch test, that really isn't a test, you have probably heard all about it" Yea... I did  it already.... remember? I haven't had any labs run in a long time... I am too far from my surgeons office now that I have moved... I guess I can try to find another doctor who will do it... Thanks...

Ok, here's some tuff love for you. Your PCP should be running these labs for you. In my profile is a "suggested" list of labs to be run.  After my 3, 6, 9 months labs the pcp takes over.....then I had to educate him.......

wow---ok--difference-i am a sister-not a brother--and i did NOT eat 4 burritos yesterday--however-i probly could have!!!! other than that- the post could have been written by  me--i know what i am sposed to do -i know the secrets and what is expected...and yet--i cannot get off my arse to do it either.. you and i both did the 5 day pouch test- you were more succesful-damn men!!always are!!!  i think that some days my hubby is sabotaging me--and other days i think i am sabotaging myself--or afraid of success- i posted about that once and got all kinds of stupid replies--they just didn't "get it".....and some helpful ones (oh gosh-don't want flamed here!!) http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/03-2004/postdetail/38914.h tml?vc=0 joanies reply ticked me off! and maureen-god love her -has her own issues but she tries! http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/over_50/a,messageboard/act ion,replies/board_id,5364/cat_id,4964/topic_id,3599183/ one of my issues right now is that i think my thyroid is kablooy but i don't have health ins and cannot afford to go to my doc to order bloodwork and if i could afford the doc i cannot afford the tests....... marc....i am glad to know that i am not the only one here having "issues" however i am sorry to hear that you are having same........ it's commitment--and i seem to not have that anymore...to anything......and damn i want to get my weight down and get healthier yet........i have clothes to go down to-some!-and i want to be thinner.......