Feelings, Wows and Political Correctness

I sometimes have moments where, while I know I've made lots of healthy changes and am thinner than I've been in 30 years, I still feel as though I should be somewhere else, I struggle through those times and keep on marching forward, knowing that I'm doing what needs to be done and being assured by the veteran WLS people here and on my PA board that I am just in a stall and that it will break eventually and they have been right all along.   I posted earlier this week about feeling tired and drained and part of that was all of what I've been doing within this journey too, so where I am going with this, is that we get what we need, when we need it and while I'd love to say I can validate myself, which I can do some of the time, I do need it from others too. . . I work in a law firm, they are very aware of "being politically correct" or it can mean a lawsuit, but this week I heard from 3 people there. . . An attorney on my floor, who no matter what he says, always is watching the girls, if you get my meaning and I've never been one of the ones he watched, said "I'm not really looking, but you are really looking good, just wanted to tell you that and that you're doing a terrific job of losing weight." Yesterday morning in the cafeteria, while ordering my breakfast, the Director of Administration, commented on how much weight I'd lost, saying how skinny I had gotten and that obviously I was doing a good job, that my surgery must have been a success and I said, yes and it's still in process and thanked her for her kind comments. . . Ran into the Managing Attorney in an elevator bank, he looked at me and blurted out, "Wow, you've gotten skinny!" in the next sentence, he was like Oh, I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you look terrific. . .  I smiled knowing he was thinking of "political correctness" and I said thank you and inside my smile grew. and last, but not least, my personal trainer, who I've been working with for about 3 months now, told me how good I'm looking and doing. . . I am sharing this with you for me, but also, if you are struggling, as I have, with slow weight loss or feeling like you should be somewhere else than where you are, just hang in there, my scale is stuck, but I am secure in knowing that I am living better, healthier and unlike the past, I will not roll over and give up! There are those of you, you know who you are, who have reached out and offered me encouragement, thanks it matters and helps! Hugs, Laureen

WOW, Laureen!!!!  I couldn't have sait it better, and you are SOOOOO Right.   I also have received so much help and encouragment here.    My weight loss is very slow now.  Sometimes it seems like a stall, but I chart my weight once a month & the least amount I have lost in a month has been 3-1/2 pounds, so I guess that's good.  Even though the scale is moving very slowly, my clothes (even the ones I just bought) continue to get looser.    I think the weight is shifting around, but I'm not sure where it's going.  It's a wonderful journey for sure, and we are so lucky to have such great friends for support

Those are great WOW comments for you. Congrats. I had an interesting moment yesterday at the grocery store. I am four years out and not losing much anymore, so I don't get WOW moments too often. But there was this grocery store greeter and we started talking as I was leaving. I told her I had had WLS nearly four years ago and pulled out my old driver's license photo to show my "before" picture. I told her I had been 347 pounds before and had knee replacement last year, which is why I used handicapped parking because I still have some issues walking. Then I said I still weighed 170 pounds. She said she thought I was about 120 pounds. I had to laugh because of what the nurse at the wellness clinic said in April when I told her my weight and height and she said I was "overweight" and needed to lose weight and I was unhealthy. But here was this woman thinking I weighed 120 pounds ... I laughed and said thanks, but if you saw me with my clothes off, you wouldn't think that.  I love your "politically correct" lawyers. They have great comments. One day last year, this one photographer at work was walking behind me and said, "Damn, Eileen, you sure look good." First I thought he said, "You're sure walking good." (this was not long after I had returned after my knee surgery ... I was still limping considerably.) I turned and said to him, "I'm still limping." He said, "No, you look good. You've lost a lot more weight." You don't know how great that made me feel. And he was looking at my backside.

I enjoyed your sharing with us, Laureen. I am having problems witht he weight slowing down too. It has taken me 10 days to lose .8 of a pound. So many people are telling that I am looking good and I do appreciate it but the one person that I want and need to hear it from isn't telling me anything! That person is Bill. I just need him to tell me something and no matter how much I let him know that I need him to approve (I guess that is the word I need to use) he just won't say anything unless I feel like I am dragging it out of him. I don't know why we need someones approval. I always wanted my moms approval but then realized I was a alright person even if I didn't get it. You have given me some wonderful food for thought and I really appreciate it. I am still working to be in onderland by my wedding annisversay which is June 11th. I have just over 2 pounds yet to go. I am at 202.0. I hope to God that I do it. I think I can, I think I can, I KNOW I can!!Thanks for sharing and letting me go on and on too. I am sending love and hugs to you, sweetie!

Brenda: I have the same problem with getting my mom's approval. The last time I saw her, I got on her for what she said to me when I told her I was having the surgery: she said, "You're going to gain it all back." So the last time we talked, she brought that up. She said, "You were mad about that comment, weren't you?" I said I was, that it showed she had no faith in me, in anything I did, and it made me determined to show I could do this. She said she thought it made me determined to have the surgery no matter what she said. I was going to have it anyway, with or without her approval.  Now, she is the happiest person that I had the surgery. She is so proud of my accomplishment. She is always showing me off to her friends and my relatives. I wish she would do that with some of my other accomplishments, not just my body, but I'm glad she is proud of something I did. Maybe you should tell Bill how you feel. Sure got a rise out of my mom.

Baby Sister, I could almost TOUCH your emotions as I read the post. Slow isn't so bad when connected to weight loss. You are headed in the right direction. This gives your mind and body a better chance to make connections.  Looking back, I have no idea if my loss was fast or slow. Mostly I remember the damned stalls. Either way, my brain still doesn't see thin, or fat, or who the heck is that person in the mirror. This weight loss must have loosened all the screws in my head . They were rather loose from the get go. People are usually trying to be kind and politically correct when they make comments about our loss. The changes in our appearance is more obvious to others. If WE could see the changes as they do, perhaps it wouldn't feel like they are saying "Gee, you used to be so fat, now you look good". Or, "You look so hot I could jump your bones" That's the feeling I get at times. Dumb, huh? Your weight will continue to come off at its own pace. Not always slow or fast, always your own personal rate. It gets frustrating but you have the rest of your life Babe. There is no time limit.  Try to remember how far you have come, not how far you may want to go.  Se***** bitty small goals for yourself. Instead of the big picture think in terms of 'I will exercise 2 times this week' That way when you do it 4 times you will have exceeded your goal. Aim for a 5 pound loss instead of the whole kit and kaboodle. Then head for another 5 pounds. Don't forget to reward yourself each time. A pedicure, a new lacey bra, anything but food.  (told you I have a screw loose)  Thanks for opening up and sharing Laureen. We will all muddle through this insane journey together. A whole bunch of losers. Annette

Annette, I know that you were speaking to Laureen but I couldn't help but think that you were speaking to me also. Thank you so much for your wisom and knowledge. I learn so much from you and the rest of my older sisters and brothers.

Laureen, Thank you, I have been on a little pity party today. My weight loss has slowed down so much that I have been feeling like I am a failure. Then I read a beautiful written post like yours and it makes me realize that I have done wonderful. I have lost a total of 169 pounds in eleven months. My brain and my eye sight still has not caught with what I really look like.  This journey has been great.. I would not change one day, or one feeling.  Thank you and all the people on this board. I don't always post but I read everyday.  Debi

Debi You have done fantastically well!  When we met in San Francisco, you already seemed so small, and it sounds like you've kept losing.  You need a new avatar, woman!  The current one doesn't do you justice. It's funny how our perceptions  are not always realistic, whether it's body image, be it before, during, or after WLS, or how we think our weight loss journey is going.  I don't think many of us feel that we're losing as fast as we should.  But when we look at what we've lost, and the speed that we've lost it....  169 lbs in only 11 months!  Wow!!  Remember before WLS when we thought we were doing well when we lost 8-10 lbs a month for a couple of months in a row?  Not bad, but impossible for most of us to keep  it up. Our realities have changed.  We're learning to look at things differently.  For me, I'm finding a positive outlook on life, one that I could never even imagine a few years ago. Isn't it a wonderful journey? Candy

Really, 169 pounds in 11 months! It took me three years to lose my 180 pounds. Wow! You are not a failure. What a success! Good for you.