fears.....this could get heavy folks.....

Brat....be still.  Just be still.  The first thing I noticed is that you are all over the map.  The mind has taken over.  That's your ego talking up there (on this page and in your head).  What does your heart/soul say?  I commend you for openly admitting to wanting to be beautiful and being afraid of "how" you'd behave, as you are married.  I think more of us are afraid of our beauty than our lack thereof.  We're comfortable being what we call "not attractive enough", we've always been that way and it's familiar.  But to think we could be the beauty that everyone looks at when we enter a room!!  YIKES!!!  What would we do?  How would we respond?  What would we say?  OMG what if another man found us attractive?  OMGOMGOMG......that's too much to even think about, so I'll eat another "pretzel".  Well, we have to stop and think about it.  Be still.  Find inside the quiet/soul voice and know it will NOT lead you astray, but be very judicious in mistaking that ego voice for the truth.  It's lying to you and it has to in order that it get fed so it can grow and control your life.  For me, when I made the choice to have myself altered I knew if I was to really experience life (and afterall what did I do this for anyway?) I was going to have to face these fears and grow.  I have.  It's meant that I'm not always accepted, liked or approved of.  BFD.  Like I care.  It's meant being inappropriate until I learned what MY OWN values and morals were.  MINE - not yours, or anyone elses.  We are each created differently for a reason and I knew if I was to share the gift of the entity Jeannie with the world, which is why I was created in the first place, I had to learn who and what she is so that I could do my purpose for being here.  I'm a part of a whole organism - humanity and there is not another one like me.  So, to be effective and share the love of Being I had to love my own Being and become familiar with her.  Well, as you know, I've fallen madly, deeply and passionately in love with her, and in turn with the rest of humanity.  But first I had to get out of the way and silence that chatter in my head.  Those fears you write about???........they are chatter, and your ego's way of keeping you from being anything but your ego.  It's important to your ego.  Ego is not about being self-centered or aggrandizing or thinking too highly of yourself - it's about controlling your mind - it IS your mind.  Your soul is there and screaming for balance.  It needs a voice too.  Be still.  Let it speak.  I love you, ....Sista Spirit