fears.....this could get heavy folks.....

Connie: I wish I could tell you what to do. I had just moved to Montana in 1984 when my dad was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer. I wanted to get back home as soon as I could, but I was living on extremely limited funds and had just started a new job. Luckily, my boss bought me a plane ticket home. The day I was to pick it up, my then SIL called me and told me dad was in the hospital and probably wouldn't last very long. My boss paid more money to get me back home the next day. You don't know what to do: wait or go right now. I went, and I was glad I went because he died the next week and I was there to spend that last week with him. But, that said, Nic could last much longer. He's young and he's a fighter (or at least he sounds like that) and he could tough things out. He's sick now because of the chemo. You are worrying because of your love for him. We want everything to be nice and safe for those we love. I have gone through this with cancer with dad, with my friend Gloria (two years ago) and now Bruce. Cancer is horrible, but those who have it fight against it until they have nothing left, and then they know when to let go. And we have to let go with them. Gloria fought bravely to the end, wanting to sue the pants off her doctors (she was a lawyer) to give something for her kids; her only wish was to see her son graduate from grade school, and she did that; then she died. Who knows what will happen with Bruce? Right now, he decided against chemo; he's living life to the fullest.  You have to give all your love to Nic and all your strength and your humor and as much of the good times as you can to get him through the bad times. That's all I can tell you. You are his warm blanket.

My love and prayers and my "warm blanket" of hugs go out to you.

Eileen thank you for the wonderful message. It made me cry but I needed to right now. Thanks for all the support you always give me. You are so sweet and so kind. My daughter called and Nic's meds are working and he is feeling better. I then talked to Nic and he told me the same thing. Nic and I are so close....what a wonderful bond we have. My daughter said to just stay home for now. She will let me know how tomorrows chemo goes and we will take it from there. One day at a time. I have a suitcase ready to leave immediately and a list of everything else I need to bring. I have my car gased up and ready to leave. Hugs, connie d

Oh my dear Margo...how I wish I had the time to go into depth on your substantial post!! I admire you totally for opening yourself to us, and asking for help, input, shared experiences.

I have so much to say to you.......but time pulls at me and will for the next few weeks. Just know that I HEAR you, I UNDERSTAND where you are, and I LOVE you!

Aloha nui loa,

Maui Karen

knowing taht someone hears me and understands me --and loves me--is so very vital to my recouperation! mahalo.....that isn't a big enough word!!!!

You touch my heart so! I live with many fears, and self sabatoge has always been my best one. I have some bad days now, and I try not to answer my fears with food. You guys are my rock for this and other matters. You are right, take care of Margo, and the rest will follow.

Dear Margo,      Wow....Here's a giant smooshy gooshy warm and fuzzy cyber hug!!! Your post has opened my eyes and heart and soul. I wish I could be there to hold your hand and lend an ear and shoulder.  Seems like you just need a good friend to bounce OFF of.  I know, because I have been there and done that!!   Y'know, if I hadn't of met you, I would end this post right here...give you my 5 cents worth, wish you luck, and click "submit."   But you are my sistah, and I must tell you...you are one heck of a woman.  You are not the fears, the problems, the downfalls, or the number on the scale.  You are a warm, caring, complex, fun-loving, sensitive woman who is human.  And by virtue of this, you are entitled to be and feel however you do!!  Your "baggage" is just that...baggage!  It can be carried with you or left at the door.  Mine comes with me sometimes and other times, I drop it or stow it!!  Don't know how it manages to find its way back to me, though! As for my fears....too many to mention!  Regrets....too many to mention!!  Insecurities....too many to mention!  (See a pattern here?!?!?) ...and... Coping skills to handle them...a work in progress!  Blessings....I count them daily, especially the blessing of life...far from perfect, but life just the same. I have seen and experienced the alternative (existance and not living) and believe me, the miracle and blessing of life is dear!!   I am here for you if you want to talk..we can continue where we left off on Friday evening, April 5th on the bed in the hotel.  It was a wonderful conversation!  Perhaps, a bit too short. Hang in there my friend, and remember....it could always be worse! Plus, by the outpouring of support here, you have to know that you are appreciated, cared about, loved and adored! Hugs,  Lora 

You have no idea how much your post helped me. Thank you,thank you!!!

Margo: Dear friend, I'm ready to cry here at work but I have to stave off the tears because of where I am. I've been a puddle of tears lately because of my financial troubles and my worries that I won't make ends meet every week. There, there are my fears ... they greet me every morning when I wake up and I try to put them to bed at night so I can sleep. Then i get up in the morning in a mass of aches and pains, where all my fears have gathered again. I know my pains are my fears manifested as stress, yet I can't do anything to let them go. Talking a little this morning to Joyce helped (yes, Joyce, just listening to you helped so much).  My fears? I am slipping back in old habits ... not so much of overeating, but snacking too much; I have put the peanut jar away from my recliner so that if I want any, I have to get my butt off the chair and go get them. I am slipping back into the habit of overspending ... that was my other addiction and I haven't conquered it yet, and it comes back to haunt me. When I stepped on the scale today and saw I had gained three pounds from yesterday, I freaked out ... how did that happen? Don't know, but I hope it's jus****er weight. I have been exercising as I can ... my little bike in the living room and my leg strenghtening exercises. Can't go to the Y because I don't have the money, but I'm doing what I can. I am so afraid of gaining the weight back. The first thing my mother said when I told her about the WLS was that I would gain it all back. I fear proving her right. I have failed at every diet I have been on all my life. Food is a big addiction for me and since no food bothers me now, I have to really watch what I eat, make sure that if I decide to have a piece of chocolate, it's just one piece or maybe two, but not 10 (which one day it was).  And that's the problem with my money habits too ... when I get extra money, I don't save it, I spend it ... it's a big high, a rush, to spend the money and get things I truly don't need. It's how I got myself into bankruptcy in the first place. I fear I'll never dig myself out of this hole ... I've been doing this for three years and it's still another year. And yet, I keep buying things I don't need.  So ... I am going back into therapy. Obviously I need it. I thought I could manage without it; obviously I'm wrong. Luckily, I have good insurance that will pay the bill with a small copay.  Margo, we all have these fears that we are going to fail. You are in good company; you can be open about those fears here. And you know you can talk to me anytime about them. I'm here for you.

Praises to you Margo for your post.  You are not alone in your fears, I fear that I for some reason will not reach my goal, and/or if I do, will not be able to get the extras done that I feel will taper my body with my weight loss.   The complete package is important to me.  My family does not understand why I want all of this now.  They just don't realize that I've always wanted it but did not know how to go about attaining it. Thanks again. Z

it's odd...when we really really think about why we had wls the very bottom line i would think is to be healthy---however- there is that part of us that also wants to be "pretty" physically--by that i mean no saggy thighs and large panni and batwings and etc etc...since i was 27 years old i have had a large panni and feel that it has hindered me getting into smlaller pants -it does not look attractive-even with  agood girdle!- in a  skirt or dress--i'm sure my panni was large before i was 27 but i became aware of it then.... it isn't hurting anyone-however what it does mentally to me is horrid-- i can understand some of your wanting the whole package! you are working toward it!!!! thanks for posting!