What's New Tuesday........

Good Morning My OFF Sistas & Brothers, Marti, So sorry to hear about the depression that's going on with you right now, it sounds as though you certainly have a lot of stuff happening and sometimes all that "stuff" brings on fear and leads to depression, I certainly know first hand how that can be, as do I think most of us. . .  the good thing is that you are not hiding it and speaking it aloud and the people on here certainly know from where you speak!  The "3 glasses of wine" are also something by your honest admission, shows that you are not giving up on yourself.  Not unlike many of us, I, too, have first hand knowledge of addiction, as "I've changed seats on the Titantic" many times throughout my life and WLS was the one to deal with my primary addiction, food, which on some level puts me at risk for "transfer of addiction", so far, by keeping up with my AA meetings and utilizing the support of OH and local WLS groups, I am doing well and have no desire to act out implusive or compulsively.  Admitting there is a problem is the first step towards any real change, you've done that, so you will do great and how wonderful that your doctor is understanding and supportive!  Sending you warm, cyber hugs!

As to your sad friend's suicide, suicide is a desparate act, born of hopelessness, special prayers to her family and friends as they go through their grieving process and to you too!

Well for me, today is a better day and one of my favorite AA slogans is "This Too Shall Pass", for it gives me the hope that no matter what I'm experiencing, it will not last forever and sometimes I need to hold onto that more than other times.  I, too, suffer bouts of depression, but I do my best not to linger there anymore and a lot of that has to do with being connected to others, it was only 1-1/2 years ago, when I was so far down that while I did not wish to actively end my life, I prayed nightly that I would not wake up the next morning, it was a very scary place to be in and I isolated myself from the world, other than work and things I had to attend to, luckily God interceded through a woman at work, who told me I needed to get my ass back to meetings (I had stopped attending AA meetings for over 2 years at that time), I told her, in not so nice a way to "f*!*! off", but a short time later I looked online for a local meeting and over the course of those next 3 months I began to come out of my fog.  My lesson learned, was that God speaks through people and I need support and so I carry that over to here on this journey.  We face many things along the WLS journey and from my vantage point, the support of one another is paramount towards healthier living! Well that's it from me, I'm here at work, going to my Tuesday night AA meeting this evening and home to bed afterwards, my workweeks are boring, which is why my weekends are so full of stuff to do, do, do and now I can do. Prayers and positive thoughts to all!  Hugs, Laureen

Good morning Marti and all my OFF sisters and brothers. I hope that today finds all of you happy and healthy. Marti, I have an addictive personality and it is what it is. I have to watch myself on most everything in my life because I can overdo everything I do. I seem to throw myself into everything and then I get into problems. I belonged to OA many years ago. I have carried their wonderful program along in my life all these years. I find as time goes on some things are calling to me that have never called. I don't like it all the time but I can work it out in my mind but I know that I am going to have to make a appointment with someone soon. I keep you in my prayers and know that things are going to work out for you. Remember we are here for you when you need us. I am sending my love and big hugs to you, sister. Today is going to be a wonderful and warm day today. It is suppose to get to 65 today and 73 tomorrow. So, guys, should we think that spring is here? I am afraid to but I still hope so.  I went and started volunteering for my presidential candidate yesterday. I never did that before and I love it. I was going to stay for a couple of hours and stayed for 4 and a half. Did I not say that I am a compulsive person?!?!? I never thought that I would do something like this and I think it is the postive thinking  that I have about myself now. I am now not afraid to go out and do something in public now. Thank God for WLS!!! I got dishes in the dishwasher and I think they are almost done washing. I put Misty's cat dishes in to get a good wash and for a while she was walking around like she was a poor lost kitty. I told her that she was going to live though it and she would love her new clean dishes. I told her that she would live to get food and clean fresh water and then she would be grateful that mama takes good care of her. I don't know if she agreed or not. By the looks of her I would say no. Now she got some loving from daddy and so she might be better now.  I guess I had better go. I want to get somethings done here this morning. I am going to go out and enjoy the wonderful spring day this afternoon. I hope that you all have a wonderful and safe day and remember that I am sending love and big hugs to all of you.

Good Morning Marti and everyone....... First of all Marti I want you to know that I have immediately sent prayers up for you and for your friends and their families. How sad that Lisa felt so bad that she chose to die in such a horrible way. My heart is breaking for all of you.  Your doctor sounds like a real gem!! Lucky for you that you have someone that really cares. I am sure with his help you will be feeling better real soon. We are all here anytime you need us and we all care about you! My day started out bad and looks like it may be staying that way for a bit. My computer is not accessing the internet AGAIN!! I am fortunate to get my laptop up and running. Not much else going on here....more work for my job to take care of...of course. Found out Kyleigh stayed home from school yesterday  with a fever and feeling bad. My daughter is taking her to the doctor this afternoon. She still has a fever today. I hope I don't catch it I was with them all day Sunday. I just hope she is feeling better soon. I talked to Nic last night....he said he was really missing me and wants me to come down to Iowa soon. I will probably try to be there for his birthday on the 23rd!!(well the weekend after anyway) Something is wrong with my car door handle...it opens from the inside but not the outside!! So there goes another repair!! It is the drivers side door and I can't tolerate climbing through my car from the other door for much longer.  Well it is time to get to work. Hope everyone is doing well today!  Love and Hugs to all....connie d

Marti,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful sharing this morning. It is again a reminder to me that I am not alone. Depression, addictive personality, reclusiveness when having problems, pulling away from those who can help the most,  trying to control the world.  Bam, bam, bam. . . the sound of a virtual club knocking some sense into me! Sure all sounds familiar.

I would be so lost without this forum. I have close friends and family but I put on the "happy face" most of the time. I think and think and think dwelling on slights, both real and imagined. But. . . most of the time I don't have the courage to speak up.  Things get worse in my mind until I get busy doing something! It doesn't even have to be about the problem, it just has to get me up and out in the world. Sometimes it's a walk, sometimes a phone call to a friend, sometimes it's just giving a stranger on the street a smile, holding a door, returning a grocery cart they're finishing with. . . . anything that gets me out of my private self and back into the world. 

Hugs, Marti, I care. We have a close friend whose 26 year old son hung himself a couple of years ago. He was bi polar, would quit taking his meds. His mom knew that some day he would either hurt her or take his own life. They did absolutely everything they could to help, but it has taken her a couple of years to be able to put the pain mostly behind her. 

I know that realization that there is a problem is the first step.  Action is the part that is hard for me. Even when I know I need to do something it's so hard to take the next step. I'm so frigging worried that I'll not be perfect, that I'll make a mistake. . . So what?  Even a mistaken step, that I have to correct is better than no step at all. If I take no step, it's not long til I'm sliding backwards. (Note to self: Self: did you read what you just wrote??????)

Marti and Friends, Thanks so much for being here. You all mean so much to me! Karen C

Aloha darling friend ........ Sometimes you make me just so proud to be your sister in here. Your openness and willingness to talk about the problems and challenges that come with WLS and life in general is a HUGE gift you give to us, and to yourself. Any and every problem that each of us has, is going to be happening to SOMEONE in here in some form or other. And your success is our success. Sometimes bringing something out into the light of day and releasing it from our consciousness and feelings of guilt is healing all by itself. That's why therapy works so good for many. Sharing our lives problems takes away their power to rule us rather than the other way around.

You have had some enormous shocks in the deaths of friends or families of friends lately. Marti..that alone is enough to knock many off their stride and make them turn to anything for comfort, for relief from the stark reality of life's cruelties. I am so sorry for your friend's loss......I can't even image.

I'm glad you are being pro-active and getting help where you need it. You are a survivor...not just a survivor.....but a WINNER. You do so inspire me.

Yesterday I finally saw my bariatric doc and showed him my skinny body. He laughed at me (would you believe that??) and told me to tell my friends that I'm NOT skinny.....I'm svelte!! (He didn't see me naked with all the hangy down skin!) He seems unconcerned with my low weight, but more concerned with the belly aches and back aches. We did a question/answer thing and he finally thought it might be diverticulitis (or 'osis..I can never remember which is which). He put me on a regimen of two different antibiotics for 10 days to see if that helps. The antibiotics don't do well with vitamins so I'm supposed to stop those for those 10 days which doesn't make me very happy, but I'm following the doctor's orders. I came home feeling hopeful and made two eggs and had those with brown bread and got sick! Seems I just can't eat much...so hope his plan changes that or I'm going to just evaporate in a puff of smoke and blow out to sea!

I am now drinking a large protein shake that I made with soy milk instead of water (my nutritionist's suggestion) and that is going down good....so at least I can have those and protein bars.

There is always something isn't there! I am so very thankful for this group of friends.........women who I trust, adore and listen to!!

Marti...sending you a big hug, and knowing that you are on the way to getting to where you want to be.

Aloha nui loa,

Maui Karen

Marti: I can identify with the addictive personality ... I think we all can. I not only have to deal with the food addiction but with the shopping/overspending addiction. A year after I had the WLS, I had to file for Chap. 13 bankruptcy (and I say had to  because it was as necessary as the WLS ... it was like weight-loss surgery for my pocketbook). It was the only way I could get things in order. I still overspend and regret it ... a lot of times I have the money but really shouldn't spend it and wind up sending things back because I know I should save this for other things. In my mind, I know what I should do, but then it's hard for my impulsive nature to do what's right and not overspend. I fight this battle every day. At least I no longer have credit cards (nor do I want them ever again).  I also understand about the depression ... I go through these blue periods too and don't want to do anything or go anywhere ... funny, though, when I'm blue, I can talk a blue streak about it. I don't really turn inward when I'm depressed ...  I talk to everybody, I cry on the phone (drives my friend Rox crazy so I never call her anymore when I'm depressed ... she can't stand it). And I know about the exercise too. It goes hand in hand with the depression ... my knee hurts so much at times and I know it probably would feel better if I'd get back in the pool but right now I can't afford it (there's the money problems that are depressing me) so I don't exercise and that makes the knee feel worse and makes me depressed more .... it's a vicious cycle. But I'm glad I have all of my OFF family. It was my psychologist who urged me to reach out to make new friends to control my emotional eating/spending ... and you have helped immensely. I think we all help each other.  I'm sorry about your friend's sister's suicide. My former ceramics teacher's son committed suicide several years ago, and Ann still talks about it sadly. It's a tough thing that haunts the loved ones for years. Well, today, I got up early and went to ceramics, worked on a Christmas present that I started last year ... did a lot of touch-up; treated the other ladies to some rum cakes I brought back from the cruise, although I didn't have any ... I still have a little left. I brought back two rum cakes and I have had only one piece ... isn't that good? Got home from ceramics, had lunch, took an hour nap because I was so tired, then came to work. Wish I'd get my computer back. I'll have to contact my computer geek to see if we're close.  We have two reviews tonight, so it's going to be late. I didn't bring anything to read, so it's going to be boring sitting here. with my leg bent and hurting like this. I need to call the ortho doc and ask for help, or ask him to refer me to someone who can help me if he won't. I'm sick of being in pain. Well, have a good day. Hang in there, Marti. At least you have a doctor who listens to you. I've got the ortho doc who doesn't care that I'm in pain. .