Best Friends!

Got an e-mail from a long time friend.  She recently visited the city we both once lived in and had talked to mutual friends there.  I had also visited there in February.  Apparently the "old gang" discussed my weight loss to some great length.  To my face, it had all been "you look fantastic".  To my back it was more of "she looks gaunt".  My friend's email went on to say they were worried developed complications and had not told them about it because I looked "so bad".  She reminded me of how "many people have awful problems after wls". I am still 50 pounds from my goal so don't tell me I'm gaunt!!!!  I have had no complications from my surgery.  I am healthier and happier than I have been in many, many years.  In short...it is time for new friends.

Friends sometime you want to   Sorry you've been hit with the "You look qaunt." statement.  I ran into a "friend" I hadn't seen in over 6 years.  She asked if I had been ill!  This is a woman who looks like a good meal would kill her.

Why is it people who haven't seen you in a while always ask you "how are you feeling?" - gosh, I feel terrific!! Makes a person wonder if we look "sick" or something.
Just because we've lost a great deal of wt doesn't mean it was because of some awful sickness.

Anyway, I just respond that I am feeling great - better than in 30 yrs. and they generally accept that!

Pat R.

AHHH YOU TOO ARE GETTING THE GAUNT LOOK FROM FRIENDS HUH....GEZZZZZ I THINK THEY ARE JUST JEALOUS OF HOW GOOD WE REALLY LOOK NOW!!!! MY MOM AND SISTER ARE ON ME ABOUT NOT LOSING ANY MORE WEIGHT BECAUSE I AM SOOOOOOOOOO GAUNT LOOKING!!!!! I AM ALSO WAITING TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT TO GET TO GOAL BUT ALAS I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER GET THERE!!! I AM AT 194 POUNDS NOW AND STILL OBESE SO HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME GAUNT????? I AM 5'7" TALL I DO NOT SEE MYSELF AS BEING GAUNT!!!! SO I GUESS WE BOTH NEED TO JUST GRIN AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR SAY ON THEIR OPINION BECAUSE WE KNOW OUR DR AND BODY WILL LET US KNOW IF AND WHEN WE ARE "GAUNT" HANG IN THERE MY DEAR SISTAH....

HUGS

They usually judge us by our faces, and, truthfully, most of us have gaunt faces because the fat pockets around our cheeks seem to be the first to go.  So, they say we look gaunt without even looking at our still ample back sides or bellies.   Don't dismiss your friends, they are probably not jealous or even meaning to be mean, they are just not use to seeing you with cheek bones.  They will adjust and in the mean time make sure they know and see how great you are feeling and let them know that the cheeks will fill back out after the weight loss stablizes.

Sorry your friends are being so insensitive. They just don't understand. As long as you are feeling good and healthy don't worry about them. Your doctor will let you know when you have gone too far. Good luck.....hugs....connie d

Quiltz:
Your posting sure struck a chord with me. I've been called scrawny, thin, skinny, to my face. Can just guess what's being said behind my back. FYI I'm 5'2" and weight 124 having lost 98% of the excess weight and wear a size 4/6. I tell these "friends" that I'm healthy for the first time in 30 years and feel fantastic. I've been told, like all of you, about the friend who gained all the weight back. That drives me up a tree. I always think the friends' concern stems from jealousy, envy or just plain contrary-ness. Or not understanding the surgery and what it means to us. Also consider that it takes a certain amount of courage to have the surgery and some folks could never do what we've done.

I agree it's time for new friends, or at least seeing less of old ones. My dearest friends of many, many years have been super supportive and am happy for me as I would be for them. The others' opinions don't mean diddly squat. My family is also on board and delighted for me!

As DH says, "Up their kilt with a wire brush!" or "nil illegetim carbonumrum" - latin for "Don't let the b......... grind you down."

Hang in there dearie, you're doing a fantastic job and you'll get to goal and look even more beautiful!
Hugs & prayers,
Rudie

I'm sorry they are so insensitive.  Funny thing about this wls journey is that you find out a lot about your friends. As we all know, pre-op, we had a "place" or "identity" with our friends or those we know socially.  As we lose weight, our place changes from being the biggest one or the quiet one that never has an opinion, etc.  It threatens others as far as their own place.  If we become thinner than some people, they come out with you look sick type of comments.  I think it is their way of putting us more in our place and making themselves feel better about themselves. I had a best friend that was like a sister that had wls about a year before I did.  I was 100% of her and all that she went through.  I made the decision to have it and thought it would only make us closer.  Ha!  As I lost and did very well, we got into arguments about my hair, what I should and shouldn't wear, etc.  It was so disappointing, hurting and stupid.  On the flip side, there are people that are so sweet, encouraging, thoughtful and supportive that make a huge difference.  Whether it is a marriage or friendship, I've come to believe in some cases that losing weight makes a good relationship better and magnifies the unhealthy parts of one that needs addressing.  Communication, honesty and openness can work through anything but it has to be on both parts.  You are healthy and happy.  You need people in your life that share and celebrate that with you! Cathy