Not that excited

Has anyone come across friends or co-workers that do not share in your excitment in the upcoming WLS surgery? I am generally getting comments like "oh are you still doing that" I guess if you have not walked in ones shoes you don't know what it is like to need WLS. I just would expect some excitement, such as if you were getting a new heart for a new lease on life. Am I just being overly sensitve now or have you expirenced this too?

My in-laws called my husband, told him to not pay for the surgery, told him I was going to die....I would lose weight and leave him....basically verbally abused him for supporting me. Yeah, I've had less than ideal support, but my hubby has made up for it all with his more than generous help and support. I got one phone call from someone, never had said ANYTHING about my surgery until she called and told me "You can't have this surgery if you take Thyroid Medication." And none of this "Family" (apparently we use the term loosely) ever asked how I was doing or showed any kind of curiosity or ANYTHING! It's hard, but some people don't seem to care, but all of us here care A LOT. You're not being overly sensitive.... ~ Erika ~

Oh yeah, been there, done that! Honestly, though - most folks held their comments to themselves and then waited and barraged my closer family and friends who were supportive! (Poor people!) One very, very close friend - that I'd always considered a kindred - just kinda freaked out and told me she didn't want to be left as the "fat friend" and pretty much dropped out of my life. It was so hurtful. To this day - nearly 4 years later - she has excluded herself from my life - having ignored or declined offers of re-establishing our friendship. Very sad. I can tell you what I ended up doing. I ended up writing a letter to our family and friends and mailing out to - oh, about 75 people. (And it's huge!) You can read it online at www.duodenalswitch.com, then choose the patient's page, and then look for my name - Dina - and you can see it there. That seemed to be what turned the tide - and opened people's eyes to the fact that this was not a lightly made decision. Hope that helps some! Blessings, dina

Dina, Thank you SO much for sharing your family letter and profile with us. That was amazing! I've been trying to come up with a letter to write to my family to tell them what my plans are. I've just been too scared to tell anyone yet! But your letter gave me courage to start mine. Now I just need to figure out when to send it! You are truly inspiring! Deanna

Deanna, I'm glad you found it helpful! You know - the thing that I found so - well, amazing - was that once I opened my heart to people - and shared the cold hard facts, they seemed to just get it that this was about life and death. Now - 3 years 8.5 months since my surgery - I have to actually tell them to shut up a little bit about it! LOL! They want to stop people on corners and tell them about my story - and tell them they need to do what I did! It just about makes me die of embarrassment! (I *completely* know what I would have felt like if some enthusiastic skinny person had walked up to BMI 64 ME and told me I needed WLS!) Long story short - I think *most* people really do want the best for us. It is usually their FEAR that makes them make comments. Blessings, dina

Dina, Thank you so much for sending that link to your letter. It brought me to tears. I cannot believe the generousity that you recieved and it is a true blessing to you and your family. For now you have your life back and that is just amazing... You offer up some great information. I am sorry to hear about your friend, I've heard of people going through that, and it's amazing that you can lose someone you love over things like this...but you and your hubby did what was right for you! Congrats so much and best wishes! I have not yet begun my journey, I am just now getting together medical info. and such on myself. But I do know I have my own mixed feelings, I've thought about having the RNY, done much research on it, but we shall see. Some part of me somewhere wants to say I can do it on my own, and the more "realistic" part of me know's, I've tried, and never seem to succeed for long...but, I have talked w/ my husband, who seems to be...ok with it, and my Mom and Dad...sometimes they are discouraging because of worry...I know this is right..anyway, I wish you all the best! Take care. Jen

Hello, I had surgery 2/16/04 and didnt tell my immediate family until 2/14/04. I had decided that my hubby, mom and a VERY few people needed to know and I didnt want negative "vibes" before my surgery. That might sound harsh, but I felt it was such a personal decision and not one we WANT to do, but do as a life saving measure. It was my decision alone and didnt want everyones feelings to cloud my judgment. Besides, someone always knows someone who had a bad experience and what such.. Or they watch on 20/20 special about something bad happening and think it happens to ALL people! That was my choice and it worked pretty well for me! I see you live in Clakcamas.. Kasier has a support group. Email me and I can give you the details!! Best of luck to you!! Sarah

I don't plan to tell anybody. My husband is the only one that knows. I'm not telling my daughters or any of my co workers. I don't want anybody "watching" what I eat before the surgery. I don't discuss my personal like much at work. I plan to tell a few the day before my surgery that I'm getting a hernia repaired. (Which I'm hoping can be done at the same time) This is a very personal decision and I don't feel like being "observed".