What did we "gain" by gaining weight?

I know... it sounds weird, but for many of us, there was something we got out of being overweight. For me, it hid my sexuality and I didn't have to deal with being approached by men. Childhood abuse caused me to need to "protect" myself. If any of you feel comfortable sharing, please tell us about what you got out of gaining weight. Then... what are we doing now to eliminate that need, so we don't regain the weight? I had years of therapy and dealt with the pain, anger and sadness connected to my childhood. I now know that I have some control over my body and don't have to fear attention. I am a work in progress. My contribution for the day! Have a great weekend! Joy

By being over weight people didn't except much from me, and I liked it like that. As I'm losing weight I am learning to except more from myself. Maybe then I'll be ready for what others except. What do I mean by what others except??? Like going on a walk with them, or bike riding, swimming, fishing. Or doing things like yard work, lifting and carring. I was kind of babied by everyone. But this is all going to change. The new me wants to be thin and do more.

Thanks for sharing Diane. I can really relate to what you said, plus , being so overweight, I didn't really feel like doing anything except sitting. Now we get to make some new choices! Joy

I have to agree with you Joy, I too was abused as a child, both sexually and verbally. My mother was also bulimic, and was always harping on weight, so even though she started out with 3 slim if not skinny kids, she ended up with 3 obese ones. I tried to be invisible all my life, and was very shy. The weight also protected me from my sexuality. When I was slim I became someone I wasn't happy with (not that I was happy being overweight ). Of course I didn't know that my mother was bulimic when I was younger and when it did come clear, I finally was able to figure out part of why I was overweight. The other reason was revealed when my abuser told me that they had been the one to abuse me. I am in therapy now and am not doing too bad because I have been in self therapy for years!

Hi Ellen. Yes, there are many of us who survived childhood abuse. I'm so sorry that you were so hurt, but I understand and relate to needing to protect yourself with weight. Good for you, being in therapy. It will certainly help you as you lose that "protection". We are strong women now. It's time to shed the weight and feel comfortable and safe in our bodies! HUGS! Joy

I, too was abused, but I didn't think about my weight as being a defense mechanism until now. I have always suffered from depression but did not know it until I began therapy and antidepressants about 10 years ago. I have tried to maintain, but I cannot do that....I only know how to gain or lose. This time I am making choices that I know have to last a lifetime. I have a new grandaughter (10 mos. old) that I care for 4 days a week. It has brought such a light into my life. To add to my blessings, my daughter is expecting her first child on 2-14. I want to be all I can for the babies...impact their lives the way my grandmother affected my life. I know that all the psychologists say that you have to do it for yourself. I really am, because what they give to me in joy won't happen if I continue on the gaining trail.........

Sue, Thanks for sharing your experience. I know you will do great! This surgery is such a gift! You are almost there! Joy

Hi Joy. This really got me to thinking about what I gained by gaining weight. I think it's a complicated topic because for many of us, it is a combination of things. I first started gaining weight as a little girl when I broke my arm in two places and couldn't do much. My mom didn't drive, but she did bake. I think she fed me to make me happy. I started to learn to use food to take away the pain. I also grew up with a dad who expected me to either be invisible or perfect, but certainly not demanding! I learned once again to turn to food to stuff down my feelings. When I am on edge, bored, scared, uncertain, or whatever, I don't like those feelings. Eating gives me something to do and takes away those feelings....for a little while. Then the frustration and guilt about eating the wrong things comes rushing in. I am still dealing with these feelings. I think that just might be the key for me. I need to "feel" my feelings and realize that food isn't the answer. I need to be okay with not always feeling okay. I don't have to be perfect...even in how I feel! My dad was such a Pollyanna. I guess I was either relating to my mom's depression, or feeling like I had to be a Pollyanna too. NOT!! I just need to be me, warts and all, feelings and all. It's ALL good! Just sign me: Imperfect Peg

Hi Peg! Isn't it great, to be willing to be imperfect? I was the same way. You're right.... it's all good!! Joy