telling people

I have kept pretty quiet about my plans to move forward with WLS. I mentioned it to my mom and sis who didn't say much, but I know they had quiet discussions about "why can't she just diet and exercise?" I don't plan to keep them apprised of my process, I'll tell them when I go to surgery and when I am done- I've done the research and invested the time, so I know the risks and don't need to hear their second-hand worry about what they've heard might happen. I am involved in some pretty tight-knit groups in the community, one particular is a group of very health-conscience mostly vegan thin folks, and I probably won't even tell them until they start asking about the weight loss... maybe they wouldn't make a big deal of it, but I do worry about what they think of me. I know I shouldn't care, and on one level, I don't... but then I do. ;) luckily, I do have my husband and a couple close supportive friends who know about my chronic pain and the relief this may provide, and I am grateful to also post my progress here among people who understand where I am at. I have a friend I want to tell and am trying to think of a good way to present the issue. I think it will be a real factual conversation, making it clear that I am not asking for permission or blessing or her two cents, but that I am sharing as a friend and confidant and need from her only that she continue to be the friend that she has been in the past. I am sure others of you have had this conversation or a similar one? Melanie

I told people what I felt comfortable, I told different people different levels of information, depending on how I felt at the time. A lot of people didn't even know for a long time. That's what I felt comfortable with. I didn't ever want to lie, but I did avoid the issue with certain people. Now, I'll tell anyone. Of course, after two years, I want to be completely honest. I'm not embarasseed and don't feel like I took "the easy way out." My weight loss speaks for itself. You cannot deny the results I have had, so people can think what they want. I am an open book. Now I'm having plastic surgery and I'm proud of myself and what I have accomplished. Good luck!

Hi Melanie, I was pretty "out there" about my surgery and still am. I KNEW I would have it a year before I actually did and let my new employer know all about it so that I wouldn't be springing it on them (I'm the only one who does my particular job and it's specialized!!). Most people who have known me for any time know that I tried just about everything available before I went this route so for them it wasn't an issue. There is only ONE person who has had a problem with me losing weight (her own self esteem issues...). Now because of the position I'm in, I am open about it with some of our clients as well. Many are seeing my 2 years later and not recognizing me. Hey, I figure if they have issues, it's their problem, but everyone has been very supportive. Just because you have the surgery doesn't mean it is a magic pill...Everyone has seen me work at this---A LOT. I have to go to they gym and I'm a slow loser, but even this far out....I'm still plugging away. I'm still losing weight and I'm getting better every single day. So hold your head up proudly for taking a PRO-ACTIVE approach to a MEDICAL problem. It is YOUR life and YOUR body and most importantly YOUR health!!! {{{{hugs}}}} Trisha

Melanie, I just got insurance approval 2 days ago and now I am feeling better about telling others. I'm still selective about whom I tell because quite frankly I don't want to hear the negatives. Like you, I have done my homework, weighed my life today and what it promises with this surgery. Heck, I even asked myself why I feel the need to be so careful with whom I tell. I think I know. I thinks it's because deep down, I still do care about what some people think of me or what they might say. I really need to rise above that though. Sure, it's easier said than done especially because people that take on the "I don't care what others think" attitude sometimes get a little too carried away with it and I never want to travel down that road either. One of my goals is to share this as I feel comfortable to do, realize I owe NO ONE any explanation but will offer them respect by telling them I made a healthy choice for my life and leave it at that. It's a toughy but I have been working on this "mentally" for several months myself. I hope you don't mind my sharing how I'm getting there. It's not easy especially when we are not drama queens and are truly trying to do what's right. God Bless You in your journey and you always know you have us behind you girl. Darla Putnam

Melanie, I have been looking into surgery for years. This past summer, I mentioned it to my mom and sister. They started Weigh****chers around the same time, and were really on me to go with them. In the meantime, I found a surgeon, did all of my pre-op testing, and got a surgery date. Two days before my surgery, I called to tell them. We told our kids what was going on (they are 1, 4, 12 & 14) and I did not want to force them to keep the secret. Plus, I figured that it was not something I could keep from them my entire life. They were surprised. I did get the comment from my mom "I'm surprised they are willing to do surgery since you haven't tried everything yet" (ugh, that really irritated me). I just told her that I was not going to spend my life yo-yo dieting, in the meantime my Diabetes was going to ruin my life. I wanted something permant. Then she asked me how much it cost because she wanted to see if she could afford it, lol. As long as you are certain what you are doing is right for you, the words will come if you get any negative comments. Good luck! Jennifer Lap Band placed on 12/29

Hi Melanie, I understand where you are coming from in not wanting to share your plans. I too started off not wanting to share my plans with anyone and was embarrassed that I couldn't lose weight with diet and exercise. However, as I began to learn more and more about the surgery, I began telling a few very close family and friends of my plans. Their supportive reactions have made it easier to tell others. Because of my career (I am high school teacher and department head), I have had to tell some people that I would rather not tell because I don't feel as close to them as others and I am embarrassed about what they would think. I tried just telling them that I was having surgery, but then they would question what kind and how serious and I have had to share more information. They too were very supportive and encouraging in their responses to me. I am not planning to tell my students until my last day before I take time off (I probably wouldn't tell them at all if I thought I could get away with them not noticing a substitute teaching them for a few weeks, but kids notice things like that - lol.) I have found that really good friends don't judge the reason why I am having surgery, but are happy for me and are just curious about the process. One of my very good friends has even bought me a gift certificate for Victoria's Secret for Christmas and I won't even have my surgery for another three weeks. Lots of luck and support with whomever you choose to share this with. Jennifer

Hi Melanie, I only told my very immediate family. I had lots of reasons for doing this. One of the foremost was that my cousin had RNY and I was SO shocked to hear all the things people said behind her back. "She took the easy way out...She didn't even try to diet...She has no self-control...She is SO lazy...Did you see her eat that kit kat..." and on and on and on... But to her face, they were all supportive and proud of her. She still has no idea how many people say terrible things about her and her decision. Should I care what other people think? Nope. But I do. That is just the honest bottom line of the matter. I did not need the negativity in my life. This was a very hard decision for me to make as it was. I didn't need to deal with people bashing me behind my back. Next, I think that WLS is a very big deal. Many people see someone be successful and go in and get it done themselves without doing proper research. I didn't want to be the reason anyone did that. I found this route myself via research and a lot of soul searching, and others need to do the same. Rather than altering their bodies because I look hot in jeans now. Are there people I wish I could tell? Yes, but they are few & far between. Ultimately, I am a private person. Medical decision on none of anyone elses business IMO. I don't talk about my husbands vasectomy either. Padme' 365/147 sw cw Duodenal Switch March 2005