I Need A Good Talking To

Hi All! I hope you're having a good evening.

I am struggling and pretty upset with myself. I got my final sign off on May 28th. Now I'm just waiting for my Surgical Education class and my Meet the Surgeon appointment ... And my surgery date, of course. I don't even know where my surgery will be.

Anyhow, since I got that last signature I have been making terrible food choices and I've put on eight pounds. It's stupid, but I just keep thinking that I have to enjoy it while I can because I have to give up fast food, junk food, ice cream ... I want to give it up; I want to be healthy, and I know that they are bad choices.

I really thought I'd worked through all of this month's ago. I made some better choices for breakfast and lunch but stumbled again tonight. I need to figure out why I am feeling such panic and pressure. I think part of it is not knowing the next step, and feeling at loose ends. I've lost my momentum.

That's no excuse. I need to do better.

So the best part of all of this is that you have acknowledged what's going on. That's the first step.

The second step is working through it. How did you think you worked through it previously? Did you talk to a psychologist/social worker? Maybe you need some more intense help.

Here's the thing. You actually seem to have some of the answers you just don't know what to do next. You've asked for help here....ask for help at the clinic. Tell them what's going on. Be honest.

Here's the other thing, after surgery it's yucky and can be difficult for some for a little while. I'm almost 5 months out now, I am 35 lbs from goal and I DO NOT FEEL DEPRIVED. I honestly don't. I eat healthy and tasty meals. I treat myself every now and then but not with fast food. I treat myself with real food.

There is LIFE AFTER SURGERY. It's not the end, it's the beginning of the rest of your life. You are going to feel so great, get your energy back, buy new clothes and feel like a million bucks.

Work it out....figure it out....get help to get there, because it is so worth it.

Chin up and take the big step and ask for professional help to deal with this. I wish you well.

Hey Jelsey

I think that we all have to some extent that "fat person walking" attitude as I called it when I was coming to the end of the process before surgery. Almost everyone here can tell you about their "last meal" (mine was at The Keg and included Billy Miner pie). First to address the guilt thing, you actually do deserve the surgery so stop sabotaging yourself (which is what you are trying to do)and don't waste your time feeling guilty over it, use your time to get some therapy that will help you feel your feelings without eating them. Over and over you can see throughout the posts, this surgery is surgery on your stomach not your brain. Surgery is a game changer but you have to make sure you can take advantage of the best gift you are ever going to get, if your head is not in the right place it may be successful in the short term but long term is what you want! Call your clinic and ask to speak to the SW or behaviourist about what is going on. Worse case it may delay your surgery best case it will help you be successful.

big hugs

Jelsey I am sending you big hugs. You know this is not the way you want to be. Talk to your social worker at your Bariatric Centre when you have that appointment.

For many the honeymoon phase seems like magic. They lose weight quickly after surgery and feel that it will be that way always. Unfortunately cravings come back, you can eat a greater volume, and mindless eating returns. Not trying to be a Negative Nancy (sorry to anyone named Nancy), but if you search regain your will see the forums are full of posts that say this.

Now is the time to develop good eating habits, work on the head part of the game. One of the Bariatric Centres in Toronto puts out a free series of podcasts from the Centre for Mindful Eating. Start tracking your food on My Fitness Pal, or a similar app. Get moving in some form of exercise. Aquafit is great because it doesn't put pressure on the joints. Tell your family you need their support.

This is a life long struggle. Surgery will give you a kick start to get the weight off fast (please don't waste a moment of your honeymoon phase), but they don't operate on the brain. Only you can change that part.

Please join us on the daily What are you Eating/Doing Thread. We have had people pre-op, on Opti, newly post-op, and veterans post. It's a way to make yourself accountable for what you are eating, plan your meals, and have some good support. We don't bite, we are only there for support and to help you be successful on your journey.

CC

Not sure if this is helpful, but I've been attending a Food Addiction course run by Sandra Elia at the Wharton Clinic. I've found it to be incredibly valuable to help me learn how to identify my behaviours and manage through cravings. You're a step ahead of me, but I had a really hard time identifying or even realizing I'm having a craving - I would be eating before I would even realize it. I'm so so far from any surgery date, but I feel like I've finally started to understand this and in the last 2-3 weeks I've actually been able to conquer some of my cravings, one at a time.

It's not for everyone, but she has so much great content and helps you understand why you're doing what you're doing.

It sounds like you are being a bit tough on yourself. There's so much about food that's really not your fault. I learned that in this class.

I should have mentioned - she has an online class that's starting in a couple of weeks.

I hear you, I was/am in the same boat. I had a delay in my assessment/approval process last year, and instead of taking that extra time to cement healthy eating habits I let myself slide back into my old ways. I also had the mentality that I might as well eat it now because I won't be able to after surgery.

Well. See that ticker I have in my signature? I made that last year, I think maybe in the spring. I am currently exactly 14lbs heavier than my starting weight (which makes for a total of 25lbs gained in the past year). Not pretty. I'm back on track now, but still. Not pretty.

So you may not want to take advice from a slub like me, but here's what I find helps. I remind myself that surgery will not take away my ability to choose what I eat. I will still be making active choices after wls. When I'm in maintenance I can choose to have an occasional, moderate treat. Or, I can even choose to indulge too much in unhealthy foods. It would result in weight gain and possible other health problems, but it will still be my choice. It helps me because the reverse is also true- eating healthy is also my choice. It's not something being imposed on me, or something I "have" to do. I'm doing it because I choose to, for me.

The other thing I find helpful is to write up a pros and cons list when cravings start. Say it's Friday night and I'm home alone and I'm thinking I'll order pizza. I'll stop, and then write up a basic chart- the pros of eating pizza tonight, the cons of eating pizza tonight. Also the pros of NOT eating pizza, and the cons of not eating pizza. It really helps me stay on track. (I also will then put the pizza money into my saving account or savings jar. To put that money towards a future trip or plastic surgery or a new dress or something).

You're not alone in this, and these changes are not easy. I've found therapy to be invaluable, so I echo what the others have said about talking to the social worker and/or pursuing some counseling. Don't be too hard on yourself. In fact, be super kind and gentle to yourself. Same as you would treat a friend.

Thank you ... you hit the nail on the head. I realized today that the problem was that I was feeling like I was being forced to give up food. I forgot that this is my choice. Once I took that ownership back, the pressure eased. Sometimes I just need a gentle reminder to reframe my thinking.