Stressing Out Over Nothing

I have my social work follow up and one on one with the nutritionist tomorrow and I am so stressing out. I keep telling myself that they're there to help me and if they think I need more time then it's for the best but I am so scared that I haven't done enough. I'm actually okay about the social worker appointment. The homework was to keep a journal, 3 entries a week (5 weeks) at a minimum of 5 lines each. My journal is 21 typed pages, so the only risk there is that she hates me for giving her too much to read.

It's the nutritionist I'm afraid of. I guess it stems from all of the food logs I had to do when I was in treatment for the eating disorder. I look at what I've eaten and judge myself harshly and expect them to do the same. There was a hand out they gave us that listed 8 things to change on the path to healthier eating and I've been using that as a sort of checklist. I've given up alcohol (don't really drink anyway), caffeine (except for the little bit that's in chocolate) and hardest of all, I've given up Coke. I'm drinking at least 2L of water each day. I'm eating three meals a day and snacks when the meals are more than 4 hours apart. I've cut back on my portion sizes. I gained 4 pounds the first two weeks trying to give up the Coke, but I've lost that plus another 6 pounds in the last three weeks. That just leaves choosing high fat and high sugar foods less often. I've cut back on those and increased my fruits and veggies, but I don't know if my food log reflects that enough. I just feel like I've been working so hard and it still won't be enough.

I know, I'm whining but I just need some reassurance. I am just so afraid that if I don't calm down that I'm going to walk into the appointment with the nutritionist and burst into tears. I really wish I could learn to stop being so hard on myself.

It sounds to me like you're doing fine. The social worker probably doesn't want to read your journal, just know that you're doing it. And you've made amazing changes that will impress the nutritionist. You are working hard so appreciate that in yourself. And you'll keep making those changes because it sounds like you're really motivated. You really will be fine.

Pauline

Thanks Pauline! I really appreciate that everyone is here for me, even when I'm being a bit crazed.

The social worker actually did sit down to read my journal but due to time she only got about half way through it. She said it was the prettiest journal she'd ever seen. She signed off on me. Yay!

The nutritionist thinks I need a bit more time. She says I'm doing great but that you can't make all the changes in just four weeks. Considering it was my "consult" and not my follow up, I was probably a little unrealistic to hope she would sign off already. Things were just moving along so nicely that I was hoping ...

Next stop is the internist on the 26th and then a follow up with the nutritionist on May 28th.

It sounds like you are doing everything that they have asked for. Take a few deep breaths and try not to be so hard on yourself. You know you are doing everything they have asked. Go to your appointment proud of yourself!

Thank you!

I tried talking to my husband and some friends but no one was able to calm me down until I started reading my replies on here. I knew that the people here were the ones to turn to.

If you are curious, I wrote an update in my reply to the first comment on this thread. The important thing is that I survived and didn't cry!

It sounds like you are doing great.

I brought my food log to the nutritionist and didn't have any trouble (and I was away on vacation for a few days and definitely indulged!).

I hope it goes well!

Thank you! I am so grateful to have so many wonderful people to support me when I'm being unrealistic.

Sounds like you are doing great! Seriously, I think we all beat ourselves up from time to time...that's probably how we got ourselves into this mess to begin with.

However, I think you are doing fine and the most important thing is that you have made a decision to lose the weight and you have a plan going forward that you are trying your best to achieve. Really, that is the most important thing. The weight loss will continue before and after surgery if you stick to the plan - and on the days you don't, the will is still there. As long as you pick yourself up and keep trying to stick with it, you will do just fine. Surgery is an amazing tool and one that will help you with your decision to turn your life around. All of the people at the Clinic know this and are there to help you.

You will do just great. ...deep breaths!

Barb

The social worker said something similar to me. I am usually pretty good at picking myself back up but sometimes I need to be reminded that not being perfect is still okay.

Thank you!

Just keep doing the best you can every day. I am waiting for my Dietition and Psych appointments in Jul/Aug and it is nerve wracking when you start to self doubt! We have made it this far though, we just have to keep trusting that everything is unfolding as it should.

I am trying to stop myself every time I realize I have a negative thought and make myself say 2 positive things I have done or am doing well at that day. Hard at first but it makes you mindful of the positive things!

I really like reading the posts from all the people who update us after their surgery too - it takes my mind off of myself and makes me smile. ( Kudos to everyone who has been through this process, by the way. It is not for the faint of heart; every single one of you is a fighter and a warrior.)

~ j.