It's getting real ... and I'm starting to fear failure

I agree with all of the above but also try and take a half step if it feels overwhelming- switch from full caf to half-caf coffee and instead of drinking all coke at a soda fountain fill half coke and half diet. From my experience pop became really hard after my band and even though I am having it pulled out, the negative experience has stayed with me and made pop really uninteresting. Some things will happen naturally but start doing baby steps now so it doesn't feel like a punishment.

Sorry to hear about your migraine, I get them too and they are just awful, hope you feel better soon.

I felt like you did before surgery. I feared I would never have my beloved "sugar" or a chocolate bar ever again. It was like saying good bye to a best friend.

Guess what, I did have the surgery (November 2013) and four years later I can eat whatever I want. Have I had sugar and chocolate - you betcha! Do I go overboard and make it a meal like I did pre surgery, no of course not. Everything in moderation now. I eat protein forward, low carb and if I want some chocolate I account for it in my daily caloric intake (I log everything in MyFitnessPal MFP).

I know lots of post ops who drink pop after surgery. Its the sugar free kind, so if you love Coke, you can drink Diet Coke after surgery (once you can tolerate it, not right away). McDs fries, sure, again you can eat that if you budget for it in your calories and you have got to your goal weight and are in maintenance.

Basically what I am saying is that no foods are really gone forever. You have to eat pretty strict in your losing phase/honeymoon phase but once you get to goal and figure out maintenance you can have some fries or some chocolate. It does all come together. I was never a pop drinker pre surgery but I am addicted to coffee, no doubts about it. I had to quit coffee as a pre op as well so I did. But as soon as my Centre said I could add it back in (and all of us who are coffee drinkers DO ADD IT BACK IN) I did, I think that was 3 months post op I started drinking coffee again. You will have your pop (diet pop) and coffee again. Like I said you just have to account for it in your calorie count. I drink a ton of decaf coffee and I use vanilla premier protein as "creamer." So I get my beloved coffee and some protein all in one!

You have not failed. You are having a crappy day and emotional as this whole process is so hard emotionally, mentally and physically. Take a deep breath, you are doing fine. Try and make the suggested changes, and if you can't then you can't. Its not failure. The only thing I would say you HAVE to change if you drink with your meals you for sure have to work on not drinking anything for a minimum of 30 minutes after eating. I loved drinking with my meals pre op and it was one of the hardest things I did was giving that up, now at 4 yrs out its just routine, I don't even think about it.

Take it one day at a time, one change at time. If you know you are doing your best then that's all that matters. Feel better, smile because WLS is a wild ride and it will be the best thing you ever did.

Wishing you best of luck.

Thank you, it really helped me to read everyone's comments and the support is wonderful. I needed to reach out and you were all there for me and you know what I'm feeling. It's an amazing feeling.

Another voice saying "I get it!" :)

In particular - giving up pop.

I loved Diet Coke. I would have one 750ml bottle of it every day; often more on weekends.

I decided to be all hot-shot and give it up all at once. Just "bang" no more pop. OMG. What a bad idea.

Headaches, cravings, and general despair (yep! that dramatic!).

So I started over. I had my 750ml Diet pop. Then after a couple of days I had a smaller can of pop. Then after that I had diet Dr. Pepper in a can (slightly less caffeine in that). Then I went to pop with no caffeine (like diet gingerale or root beer). Then fizzy water. Then just soda stream water with less carbonation until I was eventually just drinking plain water happily :) It didn't take long at all... and I will honest; I am now one of those annoying ****y people that loves to say "I don't drink pop". hahaha (ok not really, but maybe mentally).

If you just STOP with all the things you love, of course your head is going to mess with you and say "Woah! Wait a minute! This SUCKS!! We can't do THIS! We can't live like THIS!!"

So as everyone else is suggesting... baby steps. Smaller than a baby step :) Your case workers don't want to see that you're perfect... they want to see progress.. or that you're trying.

Also, a neat thing I learned in therapy for Binge Eating disorder. When our bodies feel threatened (goes back to caveman days) our bodies flood with all kinds of chemicals and hormones to heighten our senses, provide our bodies with the ability to fight (or flee) and survive. 3 of the main necessities (ie. "cravings") of the body in panic is salt and sugar (electrolytes) and fat.

Well.. these days we aren't exactly being chased by sabre tooth tigers, but our bodies feel threatened in other ways. Your brain is telling your body "YOu will NEVER HAVE SALTY DELICIOUS FRIES AGAIN!!" and your body goes "F* that! I need salt, NOW!!"

Does it help you to kind of ease the process if you are able to pick apart why your body is fixating on the 'loss' of all the 'yummy' food? It helped me a LOT. (highly recommend CBT to everyone).

Hope that helps a bit! You can do this!

Thanks, I loved your reply. It gave me a lot to think about.

I've done CBT for Binge Eating Disorder as well. They helped me to stop bingeing, but required me to change my eating habits to continue, so I walked away. Still, I do have the tools to examine it on my own, and the journaling helps with that.

I am so thankful to have found this site, and all the support available here. I look forward to the day when I feel like I have enough experience to give back.

Trust me, you are not the only one going through these kinds of mental games. None of us started this process because we had complete control over our thoughts and habits around food.

Here is a quote that was sent to me when I was having a moment of self doubt about this process ( as a fellow wordie myself, it made me start thinking of things a little differently):

"If you wrote a list and named everything that you loved, how long would it take for you to name yourself?" Food for thought.

We started this process because we are putting ourselves first. It is not an easy thing to do; in fact it is da#*ed hard when you haven't before. Take it one day at a time and try not to beat yourself up for thinking about food all day. You just recognized the fact that you were thinking about food all day and trying not to eat it. How many other days up to this point (I know I have had many) have all of us eaten all day and not thought about it?

We are making changes. We have been through hard days before and survived; we are changing to thrive.

~ j.

ps - make sure you send this back to me when you think I could use it. Lol. I feel very empowered today and may need a kick in the butt in a week or two.

Thank you, I needed that. I know it took me a while to respond, but I read the responses and they really helped me. Thanks so much for being there for me.

All of your feelings are normal. I understand the issue with the soda. I lost 26 lbs before surgery but one thing I did not give up was diet Dr pepper. I drank it until the bitter end. I am a little over 2 years post op and I haven't touched it since. Do I miss it? Do I want to drink it? Yes I do but for me I know I have absolutely no control and if I start I'm not going to stop. I was drinking it from the time I got up until the time I went to bed. This was not healthy.

With regard to fear of failure, I get that too. I doubted myself every single day, even as I was losing the weight (not a great attitude to have). I was working really hard but I still had doubts especially if i ate something I shouldn't. Now I'm down 147 lbs, 10 lbs from goal. Unfortunately I'm getting ready for a revision due to reflux. It's NOT easy but with sugery it is doable.

no no no!! you're not going to fail!! follow your plan from your clinic..this is one lifestyle ... don't think of it as a diet.. that you won't fail at!! not now... not in the future!! you're bound to have a bounce back after 1 YEAR... but that's a million bites away and you may be one of the lucky ones that won't! but be positive and have faith in yourself. you've come a long way and worked hard preparing for this! it will work.. and you won't want sugar... omg... but you'll test the waters later in the months to come.. we all do and have.. and you'll find out.. uh oh.. i just dumped.. and you'll hate dumping... it's not a nice feeling.. and you won't do it again! and you might even try soda.. and you'll be in pain from the carbonation... and you'll learn! but be happy you're doing this.. FOR YOU! keep a journal.. keep writing down your feelings... and one day you'll laff at how you thought you wanted fries, chocolate, that coke... it's true! buy crystal light or the water flavourings (i get mine at wal mart in the states.. much cheaper) but you can even find hawaiian punch at the dollartree... flavour for your water.. to "jazz it up" plain water can get boring real fast! but it's all a personal preference!! and once you see the weight "peeling off"... you'll be glad you did this.. FOR YOU!! good luck! (i just had to give you my opinion and that's all it is.. )