It's getting real ... and I'm starting to fear failure

Things have been moving relatively smoothly since orientation. I have been so focused on the process. I have my follow up with the social worker, the nutritionist and my sleep study on April 12th. I'm supposed to be using this time to make changes to my eating habits and to examine why I'm making the choices I do. Well, the journaling is not a problem for me as I am naturally long winded when I write. I'm also pretty self-aware, so I go on and on writing out my feelings. The eating changes are the problem.

Intellectually, I know all the reasons to do this and I really want to do it; I just didn't realize how much of a struggle it was going to be. My plan was to set goals for each week and to take it slowly. This week I'm supposed to be setting up the eating schedule (3 meals per day plus snacks when the meals will be more than four hours apart), giving up alcohol (a gimme because I really don't drink), giving up caffeine and pop. I have jokingly referred to myself as a Coke addict for years. I've been cutting back for the last two months, but yesterday morning, I was done. Still, I'm aware of all the changes I'm supposed to make by the end of the four weeks and I keep trying to do everything and I'm getting overwhelmed.

I'm home sick from work today because of a migraine. I started feeling better by lunch but I spent the whole day thinking about food. I keep trying to justify having just one more Coke. There's none here, which helps, but I really want it. I want McDonald's fries. I want chocolate. I'm sitting here crying because I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. I feel like I've failed today. I didn't eat anything "wrong" but I spent so much time thinking about it. What if I can't do this? What if I'm stuck like this for the rest of my life? I'm so afraid I'm going to screw it all up.

All I can say is hang in there. This is definitely an emotional and scary process. I think we have all gone to a place where we are like I need to eat everything now before it's too late. It's ok to feel that way, it's about what you do with it and you seem to have a lot of self control even if you think you don't. We all want the bad food. Those are natural feelings. I don't ever think anyone is not strong enough for this. It's a process. I think people think grief is only for death, but it' for any relationship or attachment you had with something. You are just going through the stages of it. Remember, we all here have an unhealthy relationship with food whether we like it or not. To end any relationship is hard, but people will only comfort others if it's a person they ended a relationship with. They expect you to just get over it, when that is not the reality. Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. You got this!!! We all do!

Thank you! I was in rough shape Tuesday night but the rest of the week went better. I stopped being so hard on myself and focused on only this week's goals. I still desperately want Coke but I have managed to resist. Yay me!

I was very much like you. I had real concerns that I could do this and my concerns were real. You are not alone.

I'm wondering if you're trying to do too much in too short of a time.

When I started the process, the first thing I did was give up carbonated beverages. All of them, including fizzy water. Gone. I worked on that alone. When that was ingrained, I moved on to the next one.

I increased my water intake. When I had that going well, I moved on to the next thing.

I started weighing and journaling. I didn't change anything, I just kept track.

It was very apparent, how much I was eating and I SLOWLY, started making changes. I still had a burger, but I didn't have the fries. I had a salad or soup.

Desserts became fruit. I started experimenting with foods I'd never had before to see if I could fit them in and would they satiate me. I still had eggs, but not fried. Poached, boiled, scrambled.

Then I really worked on sugar. That was hard. I upped my protein and starting cutting carbs. I didn't exclude them, I started changing them. Complex vs. simple.

Start cooking. Prep food in advance. Say no to fast food. But one thing at a time. This is not a race.

Right now, your job is to make new habits. That's your goal.

If you are really struggling, tell the Social Worker. It could very well be that you need more intensive help like a Therapist. Tell your Social Worker what's going on. Please don't throw in the towel just yet. Your team really wants to help you succeed. Be honest. Tell them your fears - let them help you.

I agree with @sweetRide1 100%. That is almost identical to what I did. Take it slow one goal at a time. Once you have the goal "mastered" move on to the next. I had coke cravings for almost a 2-3 weeks. It really gets easier for every day that passes. you can do this!

Thanks, I really needed to hear that. My intention was to take it slow but my perfectionist tendencies had me wanting to do more. I took a step back and focused on the original goals for the week. I'm feeling better.

I agree with everything SweetRide said. I think this process is about doing one thing at a time. Sometimes, we put so much pressure on ourselves and use the time before surgery as a test, and end up setting ourselves up for failure in the way we have failed at every diet we ever tried.

This surgery is not a diet. It's an incredible tool to help us succeed in a way we never had a chance before. I was terrified of failing too. And 6 months out, and 94 lbs down, I am still terrified of failing all too often!!

I made very few changes pre-surgery. I made tons of mental changes though. I was super ready and committed to the changes I knew were coming. I am not a person who needs to "practice" things as proof I can do them. Like I always say: know yourself; if you are, start making the changes now. But maybe slow down a bit so as not to be so overwhelmed.

You got this! You, too, will succeed. :)

Thanks; more than anything, I just want to show that I am committed to this ... That I'm willing to do what it takes to succeed. I guess, I've never really tried to lose weight ... I mean, I've tried but I've never really committed to it, if that makes any sense. I have been guilty of believing that if I don't really try that I'm really not failing. This is a new mindset for me.

I am so grateful to everyone on here for allowing me to share my fears and all the support. I don't think I could get through this without you.

I agree with all these comments. I made some changes leading up to surgery but not a lot. I know me. I knew I would do what I needed to and was not going to let this opportunity go. I didn't eat poorly but loved my carbs. One month post-op it's a lot easier than you think. I don't want to eat really anything. I am sticking to the plan without any problems and am determined to succeed. I have even had friends over for pizza and drinks and all I had was my cottage cheese and vitamin water. No problem at all - it didn't bother me in the slightest. Don't beat yourself up. Take your time and focus on getting your head in the right place. I even wrote out reasons I wanted the surgery and what would improve in my life when my weight dropped. I'm starting to experience some of these positive things already. You've got this!

Thanks! I made a list of reasons to have the surgery too. There is so much I am physically unable to do right now. I'm so excited to reach a time when that's no longer the case. I just need to rein myself in a bit.