New and Shy

Hi everybody,

My name is Jennifer, I'm 46, and not used to "putting myself out there." I have been reading posts obsessively for a few weeks now and sort of feel like I'm not really "in" enough to be posting.

My psychiatrist referred me to the bariatric program at Hotel-Dieu in Windsor. At first, it was just for the medical weight loss program, but my internist told me that if I can get surgery then I should. I'm scheduled for the orientation on January 30th. I have had doctors suggesting surgery to me for about 15 years, but never seriously considered it before. Part of the reason was that I had Binge Eating Disorder and wouldn't qualify. I've been in remission for several years, but it's only been the last two months that I've started wrapping my head around the idea of surgery.

I am so grateful to have found this site, and to be able to read so many stories. I have learned so much from you, including some things I would have never thought to ask.

I don't have a question so much as a hope for reassurance. I know that there is a long and involved process between referral and surgery, with approval required from several sources. I am absolutely terrified that they will reject me now that I have finally opened to the idea.

I have started a journal to work out exactly why I want surgery, the pros and cons, and what I expect from it. I am making some changes to my eating habits and recording them, with more planned. I am setting up a medical history for reference. It's a challenge because I'm not entirely sure what will be helpful. I'm just impatient for the process to start. I just wish I had a better idea of what to expect or how likely rejection might be.

Any reassurances or support would be welcome.

Welcome!

You are in a good place with people who have probably been in your shoes.

Here's the thing...there are many reasons for not qualifying for the surgery. They range from physical issues to psychological issues.

I've read that in many cases, some physical issues get resolved and people move on to surgery. Others with psychological issues work on those issues until they are in a better place and are able to deal with the surgery and life changes that come with it.

Honesty is the best policy here. Tell them the truth so that you can qualify. I have found the Team Members to be very supportive and helpful. They want us to qualify.

There are lots of people here that have tons of experience and stores to share.

You came to good place.

Thank you for the response. "They want us to qualify." That's what I really needed to hear. Logically I knew that, but I still needed to hear it. :)

Hi Jennifer, welcome!!

You are totally "in" enough to be posting. :)

I worried so much about being rejected as well. Like Sweetride said... some get rejected, but most get through. Honesty is the best policy. The teams at the hospitals really do want us to have the surgery, but their primary objective is for us to be healthy; body and mind long term. It's their job to work with you to assess that.

Mit sounds like you are making great strides to make positive changes and prepare for surgery already. Congratulations!! Keep posting, keep reading. We're all in this together. :)

Hi there,

I'm new too and just starting. I have also had an ed (bulimia) and always thought that this would rule me out for sure. I'm doing well now and making the same lists etc as you. I was referred in Oct and just had my orientation last week (in Guelph) and meet with the nurse early January. I think I'll have a better idea then of whether or not I'll be rejected or what other tests etc they might want. I can def. let you know what I find out. We seem to be in a similar place.

Red

Thank you! I would really appreciate anything that you can share. There is just so much going on in my head that I want to share with someone but I don't really have anyone around me to talk to. I have my husband and friends but they don't know much about the surgery, so they don't understand. It's great to have people who do understand.

Welcome Jennifer! This site truly is a wealth of knowledge, comfort & encouragement!!!

I know an eating disorder ruled people out in the past but from what I understand if you are under a dr?s care or in remission .. you are ok.

Welcome!!! I am pre pre op ... and I am here to learn and support as well!

Hi Jelsey!

I am so glad you found your way here! It sounds like you are really preparing yourself which is a great thing. I know what you mean about being afraid of being rejected for surgery. I went through a long dark period where I felt exactly the same way. The people on this board helped me through though. Keep reading, writing, researching and asking questions. It's definitely a process. You may find some stumbling blocks, but the rewards are rich! Looking forward to having you share your journey!

Barb

Hi Jennifer!

I completely understand where you're coming from about not feeling "in." I'm pretty sure I was lurking for at least a few months when I first started coming to this site! I was really intimidated because reading the posts and seeing how people responded to each other gave me the impression that everyone knew everyone else pretty well, and trying to insert yourself into a pre-existing group is SO nerve-wracking. Or maybe that was just my high school flashbacks talking, haha. XD

Eventually I worked up the nerve to make my first post, and I'm SO glad I did. Everyone here has been immensely welcoming and helpful, even when I was bombarding the forum with a new question every day. XD We're all sharing the experience of a weight loss journey, whether it be through surgery or not, and we all want each other to succeed because many of us have had very similar experiences with what being overweight can mean for your life and your self-esteem. Be honest with the bariatric unit and do your best, but remember that this process is about finding the tool that will help you most, and that can mean different things for different people.

I was worried throughout the whole process that I would be rejected because of my history of mental illness, so I know how that can stress you out. I'm not sure if it's the same in Windsor, but for TWH you were able to start calling and asking about cancellations as soon as you had your orientation date, so you might be able to move things along that way if you want to. What I found really helped me was doing things very similar to what you're doing now. Figuring out why I wanted to do it, what it would mean if I did and if I didn't get the surgery, and what changes I could make in the mean time, and the team seemed very happy with that. Making changes to my eating habits also gave me confidence because I knew that even if I DID get rejected, I had still made progress through those changes rather than having wasted my time, you know? It took a lot of the pressure off for me. And I did start losing some weight as a result, which also helped!

However things unfold, you're among friends, so keep in touch as much as you're comfortable with, and keep doing what you're doing! It seems like you're in a really good place to start this process, and you're taking some great steps!