Expectations

Is it just me or does anyone else feel some people expect that you will just drop a lot of weight all the time? I have family members that know I had the surgery and it seems the first question they ask when they see me is, "how much have you lost now?" I know they are happy for me and they say that they can tell I have lost weight, but if I have a week or two where I don't lose much I feel like they might judge me. A week or so ago the scale was fluctuating and I went up a couple of pounds. I know it wasn't because I was overeating, my assumption was not enough water. When I told a family member they seemed to assume I was eating the wrong food. I have stuck to the plan, I was just having trouble working in enough water. I guess its just frustrating to me because you feel like you are being judged when you are overweight and also when you are losing.

I hear you.

I find it very interesting that people feel it's OK to ask how much you've lost, what you're eating or even commenting if you look like you've gained a pound or two.

I've had people look at my lunch or dinner plate and openly question whether the food I am eating is ALLOWED on my diet. I mean...who does that?

The best line is..."do you think you should be eating that Dear"?

Somewhere in the background I am sure they think they're helping us stay on track but I think it's quite rude to be honest.

I hope oneatatime chimes here because I know she knows the right way to think this through.

LOL - You're funny! I've had a swamped weekend. Here now!

Btw, will I see you tonight? :)

I find that sometimes the inches drop quicker than the pounds. If someone questions you on the pounds (which really is none of their business anyways) you could fire back about the loss in inches or clothing sizes.

My mom is always asking me. I tell her that I don't know. I tell her I only weigh myself once a month. That is completely not true but I can't deal with her

I liked it when a customer came in the door, looked at me and aggressively said, "What did you do?" "Nothing", I responded. "You've lost a ton of weight. How much have you lost?" "A ton", I replied sweetly. End of conversation. And, yup, it was another female - ow!

Hi Jackie and all,

Yes, Sweetride is right, I do have a lot of opinions about these things. ;/

First of all, let me say that people's opinions and expectations can feel really hurtful for sure. I've been there and I get it.

I will also say they don't hurt me anymore. Here's the thing: judgment, expectations, assumptions, opinions - they are all like beauty: they are in the eye of the beholder. Let me explain what I mean. So you know when you and another person hear someone make a comment, and it sounds rude to you, and you say something to the other person who heard it, and they say "Oh, that's not what she meant"...? Well, that's because how each of us perceive a situation is through the lens with which we wear it.

I was out for dinner this weekend with a large group of people. I got asked by one of the ladies TWICE "how much weight did you lose?" and she asked "so can you only eat baby food?" and "my daughter when she did it could only eat baby food!" and she said "yeah, you have to be careful because (her daughter) gained all the weight back". Now she also told me how great I was doing, etc. It's her personality to talk like that - she's a direct kind of person, and means zero malice; in fact, she meant it in the MOST supportive way! It's her way of forming bonds with people.

I had a couple of other people inquire what I was "allowed" to eat, etc. I could be insulted, or I could take it for what it is - a chance to educate people. I choose to be an open book.

When people ask me how much I have lost, and I say over 50 lbs, and they say "wow, how much more do you have to lose?", that's the one thing I don't actually share... so I've had to figure out how to answer that one. I have settled on "I don't actually know, because I don't know where my body will settle, so I'm taking it one pound at a time for now." That usually works.

I will say this as a final thought: When we feel judged, it's that we feel somewhat unconfident with something in ourselves - we feel like people are seeing a reflection of how we are feeling inside being reflected outside. For example, Jackie, you mentioned the scale was up, and maybe not getting enough water... You didn't say they "do" judge you, you said "I feel like they might judge me". This is really just you judging yourself. All judgment is self-reflection. When you stop feeling badly about your results, you'll stop feeling judged.

Wishing you continued success.