Playing with my head to git 'er done

So last night, after I saw the internist, dietitian and social worker all in two days, and they all said everything's great let's keep going, I panicked. And I ate some garbage.

i haven't been a 'normal' size in 35 years. It's hard to imagine it. Who will I be? What if I don't like who I am as a thin person? Is it really possible? When I was a kid I had a crew of nasty older brothers who told me I was fat and ugly. Thing was, I wasn't thin at the time. I was beyond thin. I was scrawny. And I never saw myself that way. Always thought I was fat then grew my body into that self-perception.

but there's another story. Through adolescence and young adulthood I struggled mightily with depression. Then in my early 40's I decided to take antidepressants. Same struggle. What if I didn't know who I was. What if it changed me. Into someone I didn't like? Well, I finally decided to try them, and figured if I didn't like being not depressed I could stop taking them. Best decision I ever made. After a year on them I only need them now in spring and fall and life has never been better.

so last night I decided I'd go ahead with the surgery, lose the weight, give it three years, then if I don't like being, thin, attractive, high energy and able to wear nice clothes not bought from Abdul the Tent-maker, well, I can always put the weight back on again.

make sense?

pauline

my 2cents is that you have to be very honest with your psychological appointments going forward (not to say that you haven't been, just a reminder that in doing do they will best be able to help you formulate a plan for success).

Sounds like you are on the right track, but maybe leaving yourself the option to 'fail' is not a good thing.

Self-perception is super hard to change. And this surgery DEFINITELY doesn't 'fix' our brains. Its a daily struggle to make those choices on our own. Given the history of depression that you mentioned, I think you will want to ensure that you have a good support group during this process. If not at home, then join local groups (most hospitals have them).

Good luck to you, and I can tell you at almost 5 months post-op I do not regret my decision to have surgery one bit. I'm am super happy with my changes thus far. Its a full time job, constantly thinking about food and exercise, but it pays off!!

I'm being facetious is saying I can choose to get fat again. Like that would happen! I mean it can, but I don't think so. I'm just facing what an immense change I'm facing.

It is a big challenge, and unfortunately many do not succeed with sticking with the changes required. It really is a lot of work.
Wishing you much success in this process

It makes sense to me. You found a way to calm your inner fears.

You'll still be you after you lose weight; the only thing that will change is how you feel about yourself, and your body will be able to do so much more. You may eventually decide to try new things, meet new people, which could lead to changes, but you'll still be you.

I didn't fully realise the restrictions my body was putting on me when I was pre op, 9 months ago today. I mean, I knew, but I didn't accept it, I guess.

I was in a prison, and I feel free now.

I think there is a lot of truth in your message, and I don't think you're being facetious at all. I think many of us, me for sure, have held on to weight as a protection from many things in life, and until I worked on my inner self, through many years and many types of healing modalities (including becoming a certified coach myself) was never ready to let go of the extra weight, and the extra protection.

I think even when you are successful in losing the weight, if you don't deal with the inner core issues that drive you to want you to continue to carry your excess weight, and likely feel more secure with it, you will want to gain it back.

Definitely seek the support you need before getting the surgery to ensure you are ready to get rid of the security blanket you carry around. That could be therapy, it could be another healing modality, or a combination of several.

I wish you success and inner peace.

Yes Pauline, it makes perfect sense. Don't think to much about it though and just follow the program. I have suffered from both obesity and depression and can only say that I have never felt better - in every way. I am still taking one pill and it was suggested that I remain on it for the first year after my surgery then discuss it with my G.P. I have been told that I look so happy. This is the best decision I have ever made - as challenging as it might be at times. It is also challenging to remain heavy and both are a choice.

All the best and follow your program, use your tool and listen to your healthcare team.

Linda