Telling my boss and other people

Congratulations on starting to rethink your code of silence. It really is a personal decision, and one that can only be right for you.

I tend to be an open book, generally speaking, so it's pretty natural for me to tell everyone. And I mean everyone. I have no problem telling colleagues, friends, family, neighbours, the receptionist at my respirologist's office, the girl at the store I always see... you get the picture. Lol. I have gotten waves and waves of support; I have also gotten lots of "oh my friend/cousin/etc" did that... and I have also gotten lots of questions; all of which I am a-ok with!

A couple of people have asked if I'm sure (when I was pre-op) that this was what I want, and i left no doubt. I had one "my sister gained it all back" and we talked about it... yes, regain can happen. And one friend is just panicked about any surgery, so why would anyone do anything elective?!

I am mentioning those because none of that had to do with me; but their own fears. They were still supportive! Just, working through my news. :)

Being an open book works for me!

Amazing

You are 100% right! It's funny because I'm a completely open book about everything else in my life but for some reason the surgery felt different. Maybe I still had a bit of subconscious shame about not being able to 'do it myself' even though I know that that's not at all true. Thanks for making me realize that I still have/had some work to do in regards to my own feelings about the surgery. You can't deal with something you don't even know is there. I'm glad you've had such a positive experience with the people in your life!

Self realization is the best. :)

You got this girl... all of it!!!

I'm a little late to this party, but hey.

I feel the same as you do, I'm an open book about everything, but the decision to pursue WLS made me very hesitant to tell anyone. I think "shame" might be a big reason why some people (me included) have a hard time telling others. Its difficult to tell someone something that you might be very proud of, because you are taking charge of your health, only to be shamed by the person you are telling. So many people have preconceived notions or opinions about WLS and I don't feel like having to explain my choice and how the information they have is incorrect a billion times. I haven't told anyone yet except my husband. He almost outed me to his sister on the weekend and if my eyes had been lasers, he would have been full of holes. I also think you are probably pretty on point with the subconscious personal shame too. I've had moments of that run through my head, mostly when I think about telling my dad. He's always been a big believer of "When calories in exceed calories out, the remainder go to storage" and I think it will be hard for him to hear that this is my choice. But thats my own inner battle to deal with, and when I do tell him, maybe I'll be surprised. I think you should be proud of yourself for making a positive choice for yourself and your future health!

Exactly! I think I'm afraid of them discounting all the hard work that I am and will be doing to lose the weight, as if I shouldn't be proud of myself or the changes I've made. I guess I need to work on not internalizing other people's ignorant opinions; they're allowed to have them, and I'm allowed to ignore them. Which is easier said than done, especially when they're close friends and family... I really hope your father surprises you when you tell him about the surgery, but even if he doesn't I hope that you're able to be proud of yourself regardless because you really, really should be!

sounds like an awesome employer!!! Its nice to see women in the business world supporting each other.

We need more of that.

I've told no one except my spouse.

It has definitely shown me an example of the kind of environment I'd like to foster with any future employees! Life is so much easier when you have kind people around you.

Hi MsAlamode,

I am very reluctant to tell anyone. Here's why...

My husband and kids know and are extremely supportive. They also love me and know the struggles I have been through.

I first told my cousin. She had the lapband and then had to have it removed due to complications. I thought she would be a good person to talk to when I first got referred.

My BMI was under 40 and I got referred because I had sleep apnea. I remember talking to a specialist doctor about it. She actually suggested it and it had never occurred to me. I felt like I would be cheating. But, once I researched it and thought good and hard about it, I realized that it was the right choice for me and that this would be a once in a lifetime opportunity to finally feel well and move freely. I couldn't wait for it to happen. I am extremely grateful.

So, back to my cousin...she weighs about the same as me and struggles all the time. I also know many other women who aren't slim, but do not have a BMI over 40...but struggle. It's very sad, especially for those of us in our 50's when things just do not work the same way with our bodies anyway! My cousin for the last year has been trying to scheme all sorts of ways that she could possibly be able to have surgery. It's a bit exhausting. I totally understand her, but I wish I would not have told her now.

Secondly I told my sister. She is about 50 pounds heavier than me. When she came to the hospital she asked if she could bring me something to eat because she knew hospital food was horrible. Even though I have told her a million times what the surgery and recover entails, she is totally in denial for me and doesn't understand why I would do this when she is the one that needs to lose weight. ..but she says she would never have the surgery. I am worried for my relationship with her. I wish I would not have told her now.

Finally, a few days before my surgery when I was fasting and not able to eat, I unexpectedly heard from a friend who was visiting from California. We went out and she couldn't understand why I was not eating solid food. I love her and miss her, so I told her. (reluctantly). Her response was, "I'm so jealous". She is slim. We'll see how that relationships evolves. I wish I would not have told her now.

And just an add on to this - when I went to see the internist a few months before surgery, when I entered the office he looked at me and said, "Are you pre-op or post-op?" He knew exactly why I was there. He asked me again later in the appointment, "Are you pre-op or post-op?" He also told me that my vitamin D was the lower end of normal and I would need to see a specialist before I would ever be considered for surgery. My specialist appointment would be in December. The whole thing just didn't sit well with me and left me wondering if I was being selfish for wanting this surgery - totally negative vibes. It turns out that when I saw my family doctor as well as the Surgeon (at the Surgeon's appointment) they couldn't understand what he was talking about because most people have low vitamin D. (mine wasn't even in the low range). I guess I share this info because this doctor kind of represents all of the negative comments and reactions I may get from people and they certainly don't have a clue what my life is all about. They are not living in my body.

I choose to be strong, to carry on and be the boss of my life without giving anyone the opportunity to judge me.

Of course, that's just me and my experience and I fully support and honour any of you who make the decision to tell the people in your life.

Barb

Sorry... just to clarify - when I was referring to my sister I meant to say that she is the one that is always saying that she needs to lose weight...I don't say that to her.

Barb