Orientation, Invisibility and Isolation in Guelph!

Hey Sheacat! ;-)

Your writing is definitely extrovert for sure! I am still laughing over the way you describe the orientation! I don't think I would have had the stones to bring a pizza in to a WLS orientation session! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Bravo to that woman who obviously was totally secure in the reason why she was there in the first place! ;-)

This process is soooo intriguing to say the least. We've had extroverts comment...we've had introverts comment...we've had people comfortable in the public eye... we've had people more comfortable hanging back.... we've had EVERYONE comment on this... but it does appear we ALL have gone through a similar experience! How did you put it so succinctly??? "Yay social awkwardness/anxiety? :D"

Great writing my friend... thanks for sharing with us!!

Guy 57

When I am stressed I want people to leave me alone. I don't want to make nice and chat. I have stuff on my mind and making new friends right then and there is not on my list. I'm anxious and can't listen to other people. I wonder if others are like me? Give me some time and I'll talk your ear off. I'm a nice person and love company and chatter and making friends, etc. I am helpful, compassionate, empathetic, etc. etc. But on that day, at that time, I couldn't, and didn't, want to talk to anyone.

So we go to this thing and we are scared, embarrassed, not sure what's happening or what's going on. We get bombarded with info about the different surgeries, blood thinners, complications, money considerations, work considerations, the process for approval, Optifast, the diet, the changes that need to be made and all of this comes at us in an hour and a half.

My stress level was high that day. I came home and literally freaked out. I was overwhelmed. The reality and finality of what I was planning on doing was staring me right in the face. Could I do it? I actually didn't think I could. I immediately felt like a failure once again. I felt like a failure in the class. Those feelings and thoughts were already whispering to me.

This is such a serious decision, maybe it's good that people are quiet and paying attention. Maybe people go to this orientation with doubts already starting to form. Maybe some go and don't really want to be there.

One other thing....I truly believe that the presentation, while presenting the seriousness or the situation, could certainly be lightened up by some stress relief. Some bottled water available maybe. A break for tea. A break to stretch and then maybe people will chat. The shared experience is now forming. Now we have something to chat about.

I also think that it would be highly beneficial if someone who had already had the surgery be part of the presentation because NOBODY knows or understands what we are going through unless they have experienced it themselves. I think this is a missing link in the orientation process.

Hey SweetRide1 ;-)

Once again... it is obvious we have an exceptional writer in our midst! THAT was a thorough analysis of both your internal dialogue, observations, and suggestions to make things better!

Now please bear with me.... if I gently explore a bit. I'm thinking that a cup of tea.... some conversation... smaller groups.... all these things may have made your initial anxiety a bit less.... and your retention of such a volume of information... a bit more palatable. Most people don't learn better under stressful conditions... they survive them! What do you think???

I know the presenters are professionals and their time is definitely limited. I also know that most people want wait times to be less and less. It's like the ultimate Fool's errand... wanting more time for orientation etc... with faster surgery times. I am definitely not looking to blame the presenters... just trying to explore innovative solutions to a very interesting experience.

Perhaps if SweetRide1 was approached to take over the humanizing of the process.... the cup of tea-ifying if you will..... it may make things less fearful/stressful/anxiety causing. Care to volunteer??? ;-)

Thanks again for your writing! It was exceptional!

Guy 57

Agree Agree Agree!

In fact, yesterday I was sitting at the clinic waiting for my appointment and an Orientation was just about to take place. A woman sat down in front of me and I asked her if she was there for Orientation. She said no, she was there for an appointment just like me and we TALKED and TALKED until she got called away.

I was going to give her a pat on the back and reassure her that it was all going to be OK when I thought she was there for orientation. I was ready to chat everyone up yesterday.

I also thought I would love to volunteer and work there. Funny you should bring that up. I need to have surgery first before I put myself out there. Gotta put my money where my mouth is! :)

What a great topic. I went through Kingston Hotel Dieu Bariatic Clinic. The orientation was quite good - the presenters were engaging and not dry at all. They did take alot of questions. I went in with a very skeptical attitude that I wasn't really interested in weight loss surgery - I was scared of the potential problems e.g dumping and complications of surgery, plus I didn't want to give up my favorite foods forever. But I was willing to sit, listen and learn as much as I could. I went alone instead of bringing someone for support because I was embarrassed that this was turning out to be sort of a last chance at weight loss success for me. We didn't have alot of interaction between people, I did see a few folks talking but it wasn't really the norm. A few people were on their phones or distracted, a few never looked up much or made eye contact. I tried to chat to a few girls sitting near me, but we didn't talk much. There was so much information it did get overwhelming at times. I would have loved to chatted to someone recently had the surgery - that would have made such a difference I think! What a great suggestion.

I found when I was sitting in the waiting room before any pre-surgery appointment, I would try and chat to other people in the waiting room and those were great moments. Lots of sharing and information exchanged. After I had surgery I was approached a few times at my follow up appts by other patients and people were asking me questions and I was happy to share my experience. I find it so helpful to talk to others who have been through the experience or are going to get surgery. Its so nice to have a resource to ask silly questions. Thank God for this forum, its been a life saver for many of us. Me included!!

Hello Tuktu! ;-)

Thanks for sharing your experience! I can relate to your "give up my favourite food forever" comment! I am led to believe that people have all kinds of food funerals before the surgery to say goodbye to the foods that they have to stop eating after the surgery! I don't think I could have food funerals or the grocery stores would end up empty! hahahhaahhaha!!!

A friend of mine asked about this forum... and I said that the people here were incredible human beings... willing to share their journeys so that others could get the answers they couldn't get from anyone else.

We are indeed lucky to have people like you!

Guy 57

p.s. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WLS JOURNEY SO FAR...... VERY INSPIRING!!! ;-)

Can I add without insulting anyone.... I would not have felt comfortable talking to people and having a name tag ....OAAT was the only one and I don't know why but she seemed so sweet that I trusted her ... but honestly I was freaked out... like didn't want people to know I was there freaked out.. shame... sadness ... disappointment in myself... I looked around and saw me over and over....you see I had lost hope... and yes I am balling now... I hated what I became... this isn't me... I thought... I never look in mirrors... and here was a whole class of mes....OK fast forward 3 months....I have hope... I read and share things with people like me and guess what .... it is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So maybe the reason why it is set up that way GUY57 is because they don't want to scare us off.... maybe people like me couldn't handle it. There are bubblies... like the pretty and sweet OAAT... but me ... not then... at all!!!

You're going to make everyone ball jobear27!

The good thing is that people can read your post and see themselves in the mirror you hold up for them. It's not easy to admit to shame, sadness, disappointment! I love the way you phrased it..... "a whole class of mes"..... quite poetic!

Thanks for giving me further insight into this process. The breadth of honest answers truly makes a complex process... easier to understand.

Guy 57

Guy57 .. great thread kudos.. but I'm not ready for my close-up.. yet ;)...

I was talking about this to OAAT.. The fact that weight has changed my personality and my confidence. Me a shrinking violet - no way.. who would have thought? and yet.. I leave the house and actual like being that invisible person now.. it's a comfort.. one that was born out of all those negative stares... those stupid comments .. you know .. you have such a pretty face clichés.. but if only...so Guy57.. whilst the outside will change the inside will have to too.. and that my friend is what will be my everest... so I can go back to being me.. loud and proud ;)

I went in there with my mind already made up. I had a list of questions and I asked them. ..and then I asked, "How do I sign up? I'm in!" ..no hesitation. I guess everyone is different - that's all.

Barb