An Ode to Self Sabotage

Here's what I have learned this week..

I cheat on a daily basis (I call it self sabotage) but I tell others that I am happily going along with their recommendations. This attitude only defines my self denial. It is harmful and also disrespectful to others that are genuinely concerned about my well being and attaining my future goals. I got away with it for so long that I thought I was actually doing good.

Alas, this is not the case. You see, I was caught this past weekend at my weigh in at Wharton when the scale showed a 5 pound increase. When asked about the change in weight I immediately went for the "water retention" answer and that it would disappear by tomorrow (it's believable, I've used it before). Haha! not a good answer today, now the bariatric specialist at this point would ask for my iphone and scroll the food chart and see what I wanted her to see. Unfortunately for me, she didn't want my phone. Oh no no! She asked me point blank what I ate for lunch yesterday and I hesitated a second too long and she pounced. She knew. I knew she knew and she knew that I knew that she knew that I was a cheater.

Lesson learned. You can get away with self denial for so long. But really, in the long run you are only cheating yourself.

Squishy - love the name ... I still have to say that well, I will speak for myself, I feel your pain... been there done that for let's see... ever.... but the minute you start to realize ..... a) you are human b) you are only hurting yourself c) you don't want to be like this anymore.....for me it clicked at orientation... I balled for 3 hours ask OAAT. The NUT came over and said wow you really are feeling this....it hit me .... these people are there to help change my life... so I have to do it ....good luck.... I suggest you read some of the myths...regarding this surgery on Obesity Coverage and in books ... I do not want to stir controversy here ( cuz like I have) you will see what I am talking about! We are here for you... in the boat rowing

As jobear said. You are only human.

And as G.I Joe says " knowing is half the battle " so with these things in mind.

I believe you can make the right choices in the future

you can do it.

(LOL!...Hey, rce884...I just loved the way you segued from 'jobear' to 'G.I. Joe'...magnifique, m'dear!)

I don't know if I did it deliberately, or if it was subconscious but it was good wasn't it lol

Your post really resonated with me and I'm sure many others too!

I was just saying to my husband tonight how for the most part I eat really well. Rarely do I eat chips and cookies, etc... And good husband that he is agreed with me. But let's be honest, if I was really that good I wouldn't be praying to be approved for surgery nor would I weigh 130 pounds more than I should. So in an effort to not lie to myself and the bariatric team once my appointments begin I headed out to the dollar store and got a cool little book to write down everything I eat. It even has an inspirational quote on the front "Enjoy the journey". Now I know I can lie about what I write down but if I truly want this to work, surgery or not I need to be blatantly honest with myself no matter how much I don't want to be.

You may have been caught but today is a new day!

Good luck.

Karen.. I have used FitnessPal for a while. I use it for baking, cooking all my recipes are recorded easily. When you can't find a food you can actually look in the back of the food if it has the calories and create it as a food. And it's also online with the desktop version which have a great deal more foods listed.

For three years I did what you did and I kept a journal a plus and minus journal actually and it was really helpful because some days you're hungry and some days you're not. I set a monthly goal and a plus and minus had to meet it. Helped me lose.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice. I'll keep that app in mind. For now though I want the carrying around of the book to help keep me accountable. I am afraid that if I rely on my phone it'll be out of sight out of mind. And much to my husband's chagrin I love pad and paper!!

As I work straight midnights I am trying to figure out when I should eat as sometimes I'm not hungry all shift and I find my tummy unhappy if I eat too much at night. And salad is a big no-no for me at work, it really upsets my stomach.

I love your post. I love your honesty and candour.

Im here because I've self sabotaged and lied about my eating for years. I finally decided to get real about it.

I pray/hope/wish (call it what you want) regularly i have the fortitude to maintain the inner strength. Surgery tomorrow... I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I hope you find what you're looking for. Inner/outer support in the way that works for you.

I can relate. I used to cheat daily too, except I didn't lie to myself about it; I beat myself up over it. I became depressed, and then turned to MORE food to comfort myself. Yeah, I had issues, lol.

Surgery is the best thing i ever did for myself. It was like getting a new start.