It's Been 11 years for me

I am not on the board very often but still peek in from time to time. I try to at least post yearly so that folks know that there is till life past the first year or two. I thought I would post my yearly update for those that might remember me or just want to know how life is long term

11 years ago I laid on an operating table in Michigan and allowed some stranger to slice and dice my insides in hopes to be a healthier, smaller me. I was taking a huge chance - I had very few comorbidities - and was the healthiest fat person I knew. Would I be making a change for the better...or for worse?

My first year was an amazing ride! I waited for the horrible dumping and vomiting but in actuality, my post op life was, quite frankly, a breeze. Life was good. Reflections in mirrors gave me pleasure when I saw my smaller frame. I felt like I could conquer the world.

I was amazed to know that I conquered obesity! Life was normal and I was a normal sized person! I knew that no one could stop me. I would never ever go back. 148 lbs gone forever!!

Or were they?

Flash forward year 2 when the weight loss roller coaster found me again. Twenty pounds added to my frame felt like a hundred. I felt like I had failed. I wanted to smack my head against the wall. I was failing and my binge was back. I felt out of control and cried on the scale. How did obesity beat me again I wondered!? Time for therapy...

The next year, 5-10? pounds lost. I felt like I had the key to the "get the pounds off" mystery. I had control again. I was going to kick butt again. I would win.

Well you can repeat this whole gain-weight -and -lose weight cycle about a million times and then you'll know where I currently stand at year 11. I've gone as high as 31 lbs over my goal (just as recently as about four months ago) to about 5 over my highest (maybe 5 years ago?). Where I am at on the scale can vary at any given moment.....

One thing I know is that weight loss surgery has not solved my weight problem. It did not stop my food issues. I continue to battle the binge from time to time. I go through cycles of being perfectly on plan to imperfectly in self destruct mode. Eventually the scale keeps me grounded, kicks my butt and tells me to stop wasting my gift, to act like a bariatric patient again and to get back on program.

The key for me will be to always keep trying to renew my journey. I cannot afford to give up on myself. I have to keep trying to reinvent me. I must keep telling my truth and sharing my truth with others. I have to keep talking about the reality that life is not perfect post weight loss surgery, that the battle continues and that regain is real and not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of a battle that we are often still engaged with. It's a sign that we are human and that we are still dealing and coping.

Overall, weight loss surgery had been an amazing gift. I would not ever go back to a life of obesity. I have been blessed a thousand times over with the ability to be more mobile, to be medication free and to stay amazingly healthy. But it does not mean that life is easy or perfect and that weight is never an issue again.

So every day I get into my suit of armour and prepare to wage the war against my obesity. Most days I win. Some days I fall down, hard. But I always pull myself up, dust myself off and get back on track. There is no magic, no miracles. It's just hard work, discipline and choices made.

And it's quite frankly: One... day...at...a....time.

Happy 11 to me. :-)

Thanks for all of those who have supported me, befriended me and have provided support, kind words or friendship. I couldn't have handled the ups and downs without you all.

Happy 11 year surgiversary!!! Thank you for sharing your story, Dawn. It is real and inspiring and a true story of courage and perseverance. I am just getting started, and reading your words is so important to get in the head game of this whole process.

With appreciation.

Thank s. I think it's important that people know that the battle continues.

Thank you for you very honest and frank update. I wish you continued success.

Great post Dawn! You are so right. 11 years! Crazy how time flies. All the best!

Congrats on 11 years out! I'm so glad you posted - I'm in the honeymoon phase (4 months out) since surgery and have lots still to lose right now to get to goal, but I have to remember this is for life and it will always be a struggle. Acknowledging your weaknesses I think is the first key to getting your mind right and getting back on track. I know I'll struggle in future and I'll fall back into bad habits now and then, but I hope I can dust myself off and get back up and back on the right path. Its ok to struggle, makes us all human. Surgery is not a magic trick that will guarantee weight loss for ever and ever, we still need to do the work by eating right and exercising to maintain. Good reminder! Thanks!

Happy 11 year surgiversary!

It sounds like you're doing great dealing with regain in the best way possible.

I'm still in the honeymoon stage at 22 weeks post op and am enjoying this stage immensely, lol.

Dear Dawn,

Thank you for being so open and honest in sharing your journey. Congratulations on your daily success. As a pre-op patient I truly appreciate your post.

I needed to hear this today ...I've been having a really rough week and it has nothing to do with food but you always second-guess yourself with other decisions too...so thank you and God bless you:)

Dawn;

Thank you so much for your frankness. I am 4 weeks post and struggling with the 3 week stall. Your post is a great reminder to us all that the bad habits can come back in a heartbeat and the good ones are truly WORK. I am ready to use this tool that I have been afforded and do the best I can. WITHOUT beating myself up every time I slip. Just pick myself up, dust myself off and march on!