Old habits are hard to break

So I'm pretty sure what I'm about to write I've seen others post and I've replied with some awesome advice. Now if I could only take it myself...

Lately I've been feeling pretty Not even sure what the emotion is really. I thought I was doing great with my weight loss (53.2lbs down since surgery on March 3; 69.2 total from start of Optifast on February 17) and then I do the dreaded "compare myself to others" and feel like a failure (yes, I know that the amount of weight I lost is amazing, however...). I look at others who have lost significantly more weight than I. I saw a post of a woman in IG that had surgery 4 weeks before me and has already lost 100lbs; there is no way in four weeks I will be able to lose another 30.8lbs. Why? What have I done differently? She started her journey only 10lbs heavier than me; is it because she had VSG and I had RNY? And I know I'm not her, this is my journey..why can't I just be happy for her? Why do I have to make myself feel less of a person or not as good because I can't lose as fast?

I question myself, is what I'm doing right? What can I change? Am I just a slow loser? I don't know. I take all my vitamins, drink all my fluids and get between 75-100g of protein/day. My carbs are low, my calories never go about 620 (dietitian finally gave me an estimate of between 600-800/day). Maybe increase my exercise to start building some muscle? I don't know

I guess what I'm looking for is for someone to tell me it's ok. Even though I'm not losing as fast as other people, or as much, I'm still on this journey. And I will make it. Eventually.

Don't get me wrong, again, this is awesome I've lost this much weight in a relatively short period of time, but as someone who has struggled their whole life comparing themselves to others...this is me. This is what I do. It's a hard habit to break.

Am I the only one who struggles with this?

Good morning,

We ALL struggle with doubts, comparisons, ups and downs, thankfulness and jealousy. I also compare and since some members write down what they have accomplished month by month, I have done the same and included measurements and NSVs which also matter. I still smile at the picture you posted wearing your large (not plus size) romper. We are conditioned to have unrealistic expectations and, I know, at an average of 3.5 lbs. per week I am doing exceptionally well. I posted this morning, however, that I think I will lose less than 10 lbs. this month (three months on Thursday) and am trying not to feel that I am not doing well when I KNOW I am doing extremely well.

Are you sticking to your plan? (it seems like you are)

Are you drinking all of your water and taking your vitamins? (yes, you are)

Are you exercising (I am not getting enough and can improve; how about you?)

Are you measuring yourself on a monthly basis?

Are you fitting into smaller clothes?

Are you feeling more energetic?

How do you measure success and happiness?

Georgian you are doing well, you are succeeding, and you have much to be thankful for. Are you losing the most? Maybe not. Are you losing the least? Probably not. Are you sticking to plan? Then you are successful! We are all different and, for the most part (lol), that is a good thing!

Thank you Linda M! And yes I love that romper, haven't worn it yet though LOL

First off, for whatever it's worth, I think you're doing great right now!! I'd kill to be in your shoes and my point in saying that is there's always going to be someone who's farther on their journey, started at a different point, or are moving along faster. I know it's easier said than done but try to look for inspiration and motivation over beating yourself up because the work you're doing IS the same and though the outcome might not be as fast the results are the same. Maybe you'll take longer to get to the finish line but do great at maintaining!

I think you also need to be careful too of things like Instagram for comparing. One thing I keep telling myself is that a lot of the people on there are younger and their weight is going to come off easier. I lost at a rate of about 20lbs a month when I did Dr. Bernstein in my late 20s. My post baby body is, for whatever reason, holding onto weight in a way I've never experienced in my life and the things I'd usually do to lose weight aren't amounting to a loss. Very frustrating! So that might still be the case post surgery. I'm turning 40 right before surgery and that 10+ years makes a difference. I also have bad arthritis in one knee now and have injured both my ankles in the last couple years. I know these factors will mean I won't be as active as others as quickly and that's frustrating too. Is it going to effect the speed at which I travel through this journey? Sure it is.

The key thing to remember is that there very well may be things slowing you down but they aren't necessarily or even likely to be the effort you're putting in, your drive or your determination so try your best to not let that derail you! You're headed in the right direction and remember - slow and steady wins the race!! Keep up the good work! You got this.

I totally get it. This process is NOT easy, so we expect/hope that we will achieve the best results possible. I think that you are doing great, and yes you should try your best not to compare to others. But thats hard.

Maybe keep a list of NSVs that you've had or continue to have. Put it somewhere that you can easily access so you can turn to it when you are feeling down. If you are anything like me, this feeling will pass.

Keep your head up and keep up the great work!

You are definitely not the only one who struggles with this idea that you aren't losing as fast as someone else or that you are not doing as well as you think you should be. I had a tough week last week. As much as you tell yourself you will only weigh yourself once a week (for me its Monday morning) I had a great week as far as working out - got my 10,000 steps in, did Zumba class and did an Aquafit class so of course, I had to weigh myself Thursday morning thinking I will see great results. Of course, I was the same weight as Monday morning and I felt like an epic failure. Got down and sad and said why bother? It totally set me up to think negatively the rest of the week and I didn't bother to try and get my 10,000 steps per day. Just took a few days off the whole workout thing and didn't strain myself. I ate the same and still did everything else I was supposed to - water, vitamins, just didn't exercise. This morning I weighed myself and thought I will probably weigh 5 lbs more than last week.. but surprisingly I was down 1 lb. But I'm really angry with myself that I let myself get in my own way of success. First of all, I shouldn't focus on the scale so much, shouldn't weigh myself more than once a week and I shouldn't be discouraged so easily. I've lost 66 lbs since the surgery and why can't I be happy with that?? Its amazing. I look great, feel great, have alot more confidence, am wearing cute clothes again. We all need to keep our eye on the end prize and don't let the little stuff distract us from our end goal of being healthier. We really can't compare ourselves to others and as long as we are losing and feeling good, that should be the goal overall. Now, I need to learn to take my own advice and smarten up! :)

You are not alone!

Don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing an amazing job! U know everyone is different maybe they r more fattier than u, u might have more muscle! It sounds like u are doing everything by the book and u may be losing slower but at least your losing and not gaining! Hold your your head high girl u got this! Stop comparing yourself to everyone and take it one day at a time! Keep up the great work!

Hi GBG,

So glad you posted here. The struggle is real for sure. Your results are amazing btw. Congratulations! I understand the disappointment of comparing my own results to another and falling short... I am a very slow loser, and when I have lost in the past, I have always lost more slowly, and always felt it demoralizing. As I approach surgery, I look at everyone's stats with awe and envy and wonder and hope if that will be me.

I also wonder if I will be able to keep my disappointment in check if my results are slower "than average". So, while this isn't the point of your post... thank you. This really helps me think in advance.

Lastly, and most importantly: studies show that people who compare themselves to others rather than to themselves are generally more depressed. So I always try to reframe my thoughts to me only. It takes some practice but totally doable.

Wishing you continued success and happy thoughts.

You are doing great. It's almost impossible to compare to others who are on this amazing Journey. For example, I have lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, but not everybody started at 404 Lbs and was eating 4pc Chicken dinners with all the fixings, Take out all the time, Munching full bags of chips every night. Well you know the story. Just picture me at 404lbs, size 63 waist just consuming crap.

Compare that now to what I eat and since starting Optifast and well, I'm lucky if I can get one piece of chicken in to me, let alone all those fixings I simply just cannot even try to imagine stuffing into myself. I could devour 3 - 4 lbs of wings before I started this, Now I'm happy to eat 4 - 5 pcs in a sitting. Not the best food choices I know but I'm using it as a comparison for this discussion. I could eat 2 - 3 burgers, now maybe just 1 patty without the bun.

Basically I eat like a rabbit now compared to before so there is no doubt in my mind my body just the portion sizes alone for me are making that weight disappear compared to pre surgery.

Someone weighing 300 trying to reach a goal of 200 will no doubt lose at a different rate if for no other reason we ate different sized portions.

Does that make sense? LOL

Yesterday I jumped on the scales and they read 294.5, today, they were 300.5lbs. To me I see the difference in the clothes I am blasting through and fitting into sizes now that were only a dream 12 months ago. That, is what you should take self pride in, forget about what the LBS say.

I totally agree with Wayne; we're all different and there's no way to compare because even if someone weighed the same as you preop, they may be way taller or shorter or older or younger, they may or may not retain water, or they may be losing muscle as well as fat, or building muscle and having a slower loss. There are too many variables to compare.

Just the same as pre-surgery; we all had those friends who could happily eat anything they wanted and never gain a pound; some lose more quickly while others are slow and steady. Some of us have long stalls, but keep going. Some of us lose 4 Lbs in one week, gain 2 the next, and see fluctuations. We're all different. It won't matter at the end of the journey if some of us take a little longer to get to our goals; as long as we all keep trying, we'll get there. We won't get there at the same time, but we'll get there, and that's OK. It's all good. :-).

When you feel down, try to remind yourself that this is YOUR journey, you are doing great! You have so much to be proud of. This isn't a race.