Disapproving Husband

So.. I went to the Orientation last Wednesday (may17th) with my husband. I walked away cheerful and hopeful and excited but he did not take that away from the day..

I am pretty much always just excited and eager for new things I don't see everything so blatantly like my husband does. He made some good points but I couldn't help but be miserable and defensive on the way home after orientation.

His biggest thing is that He doesn't think I've made many changes in my life to go through such a life changing surgery. Which I understand. I made a promise to him and myself (mostly myself) that from that day until my next appointment (Aug17 - exactly 3 months) that I was going to change everything on the checklist sent home, if I couldn't manage to make those small changes than I am not ready to go through such a permanent surgery at 25 years old.

I am so happy to report that this past 5 days (still many more to go) that I haven't had any pop - this is HUGE for me as I drink 2-3 cans a day! I haven't had any alcohol - not that big but I do enjoy my sangria ?. I downloaded the "MyFitnessPal" app and I have documented all my food! I have been eating my food slowly and mindfully. I haven't over eaten at all! I have had an amazing amount of self control and I'm incredibly proud of myself. I'm not sure if the orientation was a kick in the butt and maybe I won't need surgery or maybe this is just the beginning and I will still go through with it. (Also I don't smoke so that was also not a necessary change)

Heres to baby steps! ð?¤--

First of all, Good for you for taking this huge step towards taking control of your health.

I am sorry that your partner is not supportive (my situation is the opposite and I couldn't imagine being in a situation where my partner wasn't my biggest supporter and cheerleader)

I want you to know that you are deserving of this opportunity even if your partner is convincing you otherwise. You deserve to put your health first, and take care of yourself.

It sounds like you are making great changes and that you took your orientation seriously. This is great and it's not easy to make changes.

I had my surgery last week, I am 31. I wish I could have made the decision to have RNY years ago when I had my lap band.

Don't get discouraged by your husband. Mine was against it when I started this process in October and now he is fully on board. It's a major surgery and that was a big concern of his. Keep him involved and get h im to do some reading about baristric surgery. This is an article someone posted a while ago from the NY times that may be a good start. https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/02/13/well/why-weight-loss-s urgery-works-when-diets-dont.html

At the end of the day though, it is your body so you need to do what you feel is best for you.

Hi,

I'm sorry your husband isn't supportive; that sucks.

It's great that you were able to make some changes, but please don't let him set you up for failure by insisting that you make these changes as "proof" that you can handle surgery. The surgery is a tool to help you. You don't need to prove to your husband that you are worthy of being helped. The whole idea of surgery is to help you to improve your health. It's a personal decision. It's nice to have support, and it makes things easier, but please don't let him derail you if you have your heart and mind set on surgery.

If you can't make the changes every day for 3 months, it does NOT mean you are a failure or that you're not ready for surgery. Change is hard and not everyone can make those changes without goofing up at times. If you yourself don't think you need surgery, that's fine; that's up to you, but please don't let someone else make the decision for you.

Good luck with your journey.

First off congrats on starting this journey!

I just recently had my surgery done on May 9th. I too had an addiction to pop which I gave up after orientation. I made small changes like cutting out fast food and working out more and ended up losing 50 lbs from orientation to surgery!

I'm sorry that your husband is not supportive, hopefully over time he will open up. This really is life changing. I was so nervous and after losing weight on my own thought about not having the surgery but honestly I wouldnt change it for the world. I know I am only a couple weeks in but I am sooo happy with my decision. I am 29 y/o and I feel like my life is about to begin all over again!

One thing I would like to add is you can explain to your husband that if the centre does not think you are ready for surgery then they will not approve you. The OBN process is a long one with a fair number of appointments and checks for a reason!

Some of the other posters are right that ultimately you don't need to prove anything to your husband and that the surgery is a tool to help you be successful. You are off to a great start and it sure sounds like you are in the right mind set. Keep coming back to OH any time you need support and I suggest checking every day or a few times a week to see what people are talking about. A thread may be something that you have been wondering about or struggling with. There are some amazing vets in here that can help you through.

One thing that may make your husband apprehensive is that it is a big change in life style for him too. It might be a possibility that his doubt is not towards you but is masking the doubt in himself.

Stay strong through this journey and know that we are all here to listen and help whether we are just starting our journey as well or are seasoned vets.

I too am sorry that your husband isn't supportive. Mine has been thankfully. I've struggled with my weight since I was 18 (once I quit playing competitive sports) - I'll be 36 in July. I was always up and down. I was a pop addict as well. I could drink a TON of it.

You will make mistakes and slip but that doesn't mean you can't and won't be successful with the surgery. Only make the decision YOURSELF. It's your body, your struggle and your mindset. I slipped up a countless amount of times between orientation and opti-fast. I wouldn't change having surgery at all. It was a struggle from Jan-April but it's been great since (I couldn't eat a lot of foods and was having issues with taste/texture etc).

Since having surgery I have kept to my diet and haven't swayed (other than eating a piece of chocolate at Easter and then feeling really sick afterwards - I didn't dump but it made me feel really bad that I had to lay down). It's a tool and it's helped.

Please keep the decision to what your heart and mind says. No one else. It's your life, your body.

Alishaaxo;

This surgery is about you! I am sorry your DH is not being supportive. I have aq DH that is supportive verbally but still asks me if I want cookies, chocolate etc and now that I am on Optifast he can't seem to remember that I canot eat... offering me burgers and ribs etc.

This is all about you, your health and what YOU are willing to do for yourself.

Best of luck darling on your journey... You can do it!

Jackie

Congratulations on going to orientation, to listening and learning and to be making significant (not baby) steps towards better health. I've read the other posts and agree wholeheartedly that the decisions you make hold you accountable - both good and bad. However, you may want to look at your husband as being concerned rather than disapproving, and in the early stages of learning just as you are. I certainly don't know either one of you, but I can say through personal experience that although my husband and children weren't on board at first, they were still supportive, loving and willing to learn. I didn't need their approval, but I did request that they do their own research so that they could make an educated decision - as I was doing every step of the process. I'm only two months out, but we all still have questions, concerns and, as this is a transitional process, I don't think we will run out of these anytime soon.

Best of luck, to both of you. Keep your communication open and try not to allow any of his comments become personal. He has a right to his opinion, and you have a right to accept it or not. His questions and concerns may be valid ones that you already appear to be taking a moment to ponder.

You will do well.

Many partner feel either scared or threatened by rny. It is.a huge lifestyle.change. It is one reason why it takes time.to go through appointments. Sounds like you.are making a great beginning. Continue to bring hubby to appointments. Find a local support group. My hubby found it help to speak to other spouses. We even had a social group where we went out all together.