Does this feeling ever go away?

Great post. I personally got sick of feeling like crap, I could hardly walk from the pain in my knees and my back being tight all the time meant my wife had to help me put on my shoes in the morning. I don't really care about my looks, but.I do notice some 2nd glances now from folks intriged by my wieght loss on this jounrey.

Mentally prepare yourself as you are doing and you will learn to love your life and self again as pounds start melting away with the right attitude.

I hated the way I looked too. I didn't avoid mirrors but didn't much like full length mirrors.

I think I just gave up. I even stopped wearing make up for years.

I feel so much better already and am only 14 weeks out. I wear a bit of make up now, and just feel better about myself. I've been having fun walking, bike riding, and swimming, and don't even mind going out in public any more.

It gets better, and it happens quickly, so hang in.

Hi Lisa,

I haven't been on here for a while, but please know that you are not alone. I'm over 5 years out myself. And it took me 2 years to get the surgery. It took me a while to decide that this was the right path, as I was scared. Not of the surgery (I've been through a few) but of not being able to do the "after surgery" part.

I knew that I was big, most of the time I had not realized how big. Whether I didn't want to or couldn't, doesn't matter. I had started feeling that I wasn't a person, but a blob. I hated pictures taken of me. Hated my clothes, hated a lot of things about me. What I hated most was that I couldn't even maintain my weight, no matter how hard I tried, let alone try to lose any. It kept going I was also dealing with people who would criticize me about my health issues not understanding I was trying to change, but it wasn't working. And then they would ignore their own health issues. I'd deal passive aggressive bullying regarding my weight.

One day, I decided that had to change, and I started the process. Not many knew until I was at the Optifast stage, and that was only because I had to explain the shakes. I actually didn't mind the chocolate shakes, and enjoyed even more not having to think about what I was going to eat for my next meal. Miss that part of the Optifast stage.

Has my life been easy since the day I decided this? No. Do I like how I look now? No, but I'm my own worst enemy in this area. But I had some great support from a friend who had been through this, and from my Mom. I've been lucky and maintained a decent weight. Not my goal, but then again, I never had a real goal weight. But I still weigh less now than when I graduated High School, so I'm happy with that.

In the last 5 years, I've gone through a lot, separation (and working on divorce), selling my house (because of the separation), financial issues, dealing with issues with my kids, the passing of my Mom, and that's the big things. There are little things too.

But there are also big things that I am proud of, and it's not the 150 lbs that I lost. It was 4 months after surgery when I was outlasting the kids when public skating and not having my feet hurt. Being able to run from one end of the rink to the other without being out of breath. Being able to play with my kids. And being able to do repairs on my house, being able to climb ladders, being able to change the tires on my car, being able to help my kids practice ball or play soccer. Being strong enough to say enough is enough, being strong enough to fight for what I knew was right, being strong enough to be a single Mom, being strong enough to be me. To be strong enough to get through my Mom's illness and still be me on the other side.

It's not magic to get here, but it is work. It's also being strong enough to admit to yourself that you need help, and then reaching out to get that help. I've had to several times, I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I still have work to do, mostly head work. But I'll get there and I know you will too. Be strong enough to put up the mirror, and watch as you change, you will see the butterfly that is inside, no matter how much you lose.

Cathy

I felt the same way.....now I feel on top of the world.

I hated going to the mall or for groceries or anywhere, for fear I would run into people I knew because I was so embarrassed and humiliated about the way I looked. It's an awful way to live...and affects you on sooo many different levels.

I know some people say for them it wasn't about appearance...but for me it was....and the depression and anxiety that came with it. I didn't have any major health concerns otherwise. I had spent years in therapy working on my mental state (mind).....including wait time 3 years on my physical (body)surgery/transformation ......now comes the SOUL. Perhaps the most challenging. Having a healthy mind and body means your soul is now desperate for the love, affection, attention, acceptance and peace that it requires to be truly complete. I'm still working on that one !!

Hi Lisa,

You are so brave. As hard as it was for you to be so open about something so private as your feelings and your life, I want to thank you for starting this discussion. I am learning so much.

Thanks,

Barb

Hi Lisa;

I cannot thank you enough for posting this!

I think you have basically summed up how I have been feeling for the last 5 years or so.

I am doing this surgery for my physical and mental health. To, at the very least, relieve GERD and sleep apnea. Maybe the less weight will help with the fibro, asthma/COPD and arthritis.

I am really hoping that I will start to be able to look at myself without utter disgust. I avoid full length reflections of any sort because i just want to punch it. I have avoided intimacy as much as possible... on and on and on...

THANK YOU!!!!