Negative Nancy

Its a personal preference of mine to keep my surgery private.

I am on day 9 of Optifast.

Basically I told those I work with (one is a friend who is nosey) that I am doing a detox. I have kept it short as I really don't think its that interesting. Of course there is always that one person who has to pry and and make comments that are not welcome. This person told someone I am close with "shes apparently on some shakes and hasn't eaten real food, shouldn't she look like she has lost weight? I can't tell" WOW, this is someone I consider close, I was in her wedding last year, she is active in my daughters life. A handful of emotions went through me (probably more magnified given I am really touchy these days) but now all I can think of is "I can't wait for you to see me in a few months...in your face" I know this is so petty, but I am really hurt. I have opened up to her before about my struggles with my weight and she is not a small person either. Some people are just mean.

I understand how you are feeling. I told a few people at work and no one really from my friends or family before surgery and I still don't tell many people - no one at my new job knows anything - they just think I don't eat much and no junk.

My old job, I actually told a co-worker and she knew someone else that had the surgery done so she connected us. However, she ended up telling EVERYONE I used to work with while I was off for 2 weeks from surgery. I was not impressed. It should be for us to tell people because it's really personal.

Now I've told more people - 6 of my hockey mom friends know because I am super close with them and 1 of them actually has VSG done in Guelph and was going through the process when I told her. We have been a good support of each other.

Now that I've dropped a ton of weight I get great comments but I am still not super ready to tell a lot of people. I've told my cousin, my parents and that's it from my family other than my husband.

Do it if it feels right. IF it doesn't, you never have to tell. Just think of that "in your face" and it drives you even more (that's how I am anyway)!

My first thought is "none of their business." ... not negative Nancy. There are no rules to this. Focus on you and tell only those who you want to ... or no one. You go girl!

So true...

I am convinced that this person has an addiction to knowing and being in other peoples business

You mention is is heavy as well. As you lose weight she may feel threatened and say other hurtful things. Try to focus on you and why you have decided to do this.

In your face is right. Just keep doing what you are doing and ignore her.

Only my husband knows that I had the surgery. I have never regretted not telling family and friends. I work out hard, I eat right and no one who has seen me work out doubts that I'm not putting in the effort.

In the first 6 months (sometimes more) you may look gaunt and she may criticize and say that you are doing things wrong because you look ill. Don't listen to her. She is not part of your support if she talks that way behind your back. In no time you will be slimmer, healthier, stronger and enjoying life to the fullest. That's always the best revenge.

My friend started with the negative Nancy BS when I started losing weight (she had no idea I had the surgery). She told me that almost everyone regains all the weight and more (maintaining my loss so far). She told me that nobody sticks with exercise (almost 3 years now and I love it). She told me that no one wears their Fitbit after a year (it's glued to my side). She told me that it's important to give yourself food as treats (not gonna happen, maybe new clothes, a massage, but not food). For me someone predicting your failure when you are trying to achieve a goal is not a true friend.

That was over 2 years ago. She now has gained a large amount of weight. I don't offer her advice, but I would be supportive if she asked for that and wanted to make changes. I would encourage her and cheer her on if she wanted to make positive changes.

You have to wonder what the motivation was for the person who told you that this is what she said. You did it hear it from her. Why would anyone tell you someone said that about you other than to cause a rift or make you feel bad. It is hard not to worry what people think but we need to remember that this is for us and no one else. Chin up, shoulders high. You are taking care of you.

So true, and in her defense she did not want to tell me, but I asked.

This is someone who bounces from office to office, gossiping and talking badly about the last person she was just with.

I used to be the person who was going through a lot. I had my daughter and was in a very unhappy relationship, my ex and I broke up when my daughter was born, I was going through family court for about 18 months, and dealing with a lot of stress and just very unhappy. Everything has now resolved, I am in a very happy relationship with someone who treats me like a queen, and I am getting on track with my health. I feel like ever since my life has been going great this person talks about me non-stop, I really don't get it because I am not that interesting.