Holding myself accountable

I've been AWOL and it's come clear I need the support OH has provided as it has helped me stay on track in all aspects of my life.

I don't know why but about a month ago I slumped into a bit of a rut. My life has just started looking up and I was happy and on top of the world. I've always suffered from severe anxiety and going out was never really my thing. I was invited out and ended up having a drink, something I said I'd never do since being sleeved. I was scared to have that first sip and sadly it sat ok and I enjoyed it, though I only had that one drink and nursed it over 2 hrs. The next night I was out again and had 2 drinks....the following weekend a few more drinks one evening and then way too much the next night, followed by a few cigarettes (my biggest disappointment) Now as one weekend turns into 2 I'm feeling really disappointed in myself and beating myself up, the only thing thats giving me the strength to shake it off is I've been sticking to my diet 85% of the time, I'm still losing weight and I'm down a total of 105 lbs! Time to re focus and remember what's important. Then Friday the 28th comes around...and for some who may remember I testified in a trial back in January, well judgement had been postponed 15 weeks and that took place on Friday morning. I've waited 3 years on pins and needles, my life and that of my children had been flipped upside down and inside out so many times, and here I was about to hear the final result. Guilty! What does that mean...time to celebrate! And so I did but only at the cost of feeling awful ever since, not in a physical because I drank too much kind of way, but more of an, I've come to far to allow myself to be someone I'm not. With that said, I totally get transfer addiction. Just never thought I'd be victim to it. Today I grabbed some nicotine gum, started back to meal prepping for the week, tomorrow I start tracking and weighing and I'm so greatful my weight loss hasn't been affected by my irratic behaviours these past few weeks. Time to start posting daily in the "what are you eating/doing today" thread....

Confession/ Rant over

I'm sure that took much courage to sit down and write this post. Good for you. The best part is, is that you acknowledged the behaviour and are going to work hard at returning to good habits. The past is the past, don't dwell on what you did but focus on what you are going to do.

You can get back to the path of a mindful/compliant post-op, it takes work, but you can do it. Look forward to seeing your post on the menu thread tomorrow.

Take care of yourself.

G.

We all fall sometimes.....but recognizing your faults and creating a plan to do better is a great start. No one ever said this would be easy!! You are being honest with yourself....and now you know first hand how slippery many of our old slopes can be.

Good to see you back and reaching out. A nearby support group may be a good idea. Does your clinic provide aftercare programs that you can take advantage of ??? I know Hamilton does. Posting daily will keep you accountable and there is a great group of girls there that would likely be more than happy to kick your butt if you'd like......ask and you shall receive!!! Lol

Chin up Cinderz...everyday is a new day to learn and share...you can do this !!!!!

Thank you for your honesty. I have not even had my surgery yet, but I know that some day I may be in a situation where I will need some support, and I know that it is going to be here. I think you came to the right place.

First of all big hugs. Secondly, you will beat this, and we will be right there to help you every day. You have come too far and been through too much to backtrack. Now that the trial is behind you, you should celebrate because that has been a big stressor in your life. Give yourself the gift of a massage or a yoga meditation class, anything none food or alcohol that will help calm the mind and body. I look forward to your post tomorrow morning in the What are you eating thread. You are not in this alone.

What impresses me is you recognized what you were doing. Took accountability and have formed an intention and are acting on it.

I have delivered training where I teach people to recognize and get out of the victim loop. It is like a muscle the longer we make ourselves victims the stronger it gets. We all visit it sometimes, it is just so important to not to roll out a rug, bring in some furniture and live there.

Too often when faced with a challenge we fall into the victim loop, that is where guilt and blame and rationalizing and all the self destructive stuff happens.

You made a choice to go in the accountability loop. It is not easy, but it leads to much better outcomes!

I agree with all that has been said and offer you the same: congratulations for acknowledging and wanting to turn it around, a big hug, concrete information from Travelher, and kudos for taking the time to write your post. We all fail, feel like we're failing, or are seen to be a failure. The truth is this is a journey with hills and valleys, twists and turns, and very few straight roads. Support and encouragement are yours as there is no place, in my mind, that provides you with access to so much information, advice and support from those who are going through what you are.

Post your meals daily, post when you want, read other posts and respond when you would like to and know that you are not alone.

Never forget you are cared for and appreciated.

Linda

Hi Cindy,

So nice to see you here again. It's great that you're back. Forgive yourself and start fresh. You must feel so much relief to have the trial behind you now.

Congrats on the amazing weight loss, btw! That's awesome.

Big hugs,

Kathy

Hi Cindi,

I'm so sorry you've been having such a difficult time lately. I know that probably took a lot of guts to post this. I think most of us are a bit naive in thinking about transfer addictions and oh that won't happen to me. If it wasn't an issue, we wouldn't be warned about it. But I get saying you didn't think it would happen to you. At this point I feel the same way, and I hope it doesn't, but there are no guarantees in life.

The good thing is that you are recognizing this behaviour now, and working on solutions to fix it. If in the end, you end up having a month of dealing with this, way better than letting it continue for months, and then years. So be kinds to yourself, and work on getting back on track. You can do this!!

Good luck with everything. I actually just emailed you a little while ago, I had not seen this post yet.

PM/text if you want to chat or need suppport!

Take it one day at a time.

Take care!!!

Amanda

Hi Amanda !!

Ive tried to respond to your message twice and its failed to send each time so I'm going to try from the laptop when my daughter gets home!