To tell or not to tell?

Will you adopt me please?

I think you know your own situation best. I knew my parents would push back but felt, for me, it was important to tell them. You can hope for the best but in the end they're going to react how they react so if you tell them you just need to be prepared for it to not turn out exactly as you'd hoped. Who knows, maybe she'll surprise you? For me I know my mom has guilt and fear which translates into her not being supportive. Guilt because as children we were put onto low fat diets (as "fat makes you fat" was the sentiment of the 80s) and therefore got unlimited sugar in "low fat" snacks, cereals, and foods. Pretty much the exact opposite of what's healthy but they thought they were helping. That and being weighed weekly, and having pressure to lose weight from a young age (pre-teen). I know my mom realizes now that probably wasn't a good way to grow up but she would never openly take responsibility. Even if she will openly admit that the low fat diet they thought was the holy grail at the time was so damaging. Secondly she doesn't like the idea of me having surgery which I do understand to a degree but the benefits outweigh the risks unfortunately so this is the best decision for me. As much as I would like for her to share my enthusiasm I know that's not going to happen so I've let her know but I'm limiting talking about it. I know once I'm losing and she sees the positive effect the surgery has on my life that I will have her support. Until then I'm not expecting much.

I have experience with this on two levels. My husband had gastric bypass about 10 years ago. He decided just to tell me and his parents and brothers. He didn't want anyone else to know because he is a really private person. He didn't want the "you took the easy way out" comments... Believe me, it was NOT the easy way out. My husband almost lost his life with the surgery as the surgeon cut the main artery to his stomach. He has recovered, but it was not easy at all. He has since lost about 100 pounds.

His father proceeded to tell everyone he could and so did his brother. It was not their story to tell!

Now that I am getting ready to have gastric sleeve surgery I am telling 3 people - my husband, one of my daughters and my boss. It is only the business of those you want to know. No one else. If you think your father will throw it in your face, then I would be cautious telling him or your mom. You definitely need support though and shouldn't be alone, Just be cautious.