To tell or not to tell?

Looking for a weigh in, so to speak.

I have yet to tell my mom, the reasons are complicated including:

1) she is presently out of the country

2) my basement is in disarray and there is nowhere for her to stay because of the stuff I am storing for another family member going through a crappy divorce.

3) the basement shower is out of commission and she won't shower in my bathroom because of the kitty litter.

4) my dad himself will be undergoing surgery and she needs to stay with him.

5) my dad is mr diet/exercise - you used to be beautiful, you had so many options man - and I do not need the negativity

6) I have to give the boyfriend a last chance to screw up before I get skinny, so I can make up my mind about keeping him or not - I understand this surgery can be a real relationship killer - going in eyes wide open.

so weigh in girls, do I tell her or not?

I would definitely tell her why hide it, she is your mother she should love u and respect your decision no matter what it is! U r doing this to better your health for yourself and not for anyone else! U should not be ashamed of what u r doing(not that u are)! If they love u they would want u to be healthy and do the right thing for u! U got this don't let anyone make u feel scared or discouraged about the decision u have made for yourself! As for the relationship situation times can get tough and things can change between the both of u! But why r u waiting for another screw up u don't deserve to have a man treat u wrong, be the queen that u r, be strong don't wait for another heart break! If he has screwed up in the past they most likely will do it again! This is just my opinion and I have gone through this as well( been there done that) Best of luck and stay strong u r making a wonderful choice for you!!

I would definitely tell her why hide it, she is your mother she should love u and respect your decision no matter what it is! U r doing this to better your health for yourself and not for anyone else! U should not be ashamed of what u r doing(not that u are)! If they love u they would want u to be healthy and do the right thing for u! U got this don't let anyone make u feel scared or discouraged about the decision u have made for yourself! As for the relationship situation times can get tough and things can change between the both of u! But why r u waiting for another screw up u don't deserve to have a man treat u wrong, be the queen that u r, be strong don't wait for another heart break! If he has screwed up in the past they most likely will do it again! This is just my opinion and I have gone through this as well( been there done that) Best of luck and stay strong u r making a wonderful choice for you!!

I'll weigh in a little. I think it would depend on the relationship you have with your parents......if they are overbearing and like to make your life decisions for you, if you feel they could or would change your mind I would say no. If you have a good relationship I would say yes as long as you know they will be supportive. I'm a daughter and have daughters myself, I would want to know. She's still your mom. I'll just say this......you have one life..live it the way you want and don't let anyone else make your life decisions for you, if this is what you want, go get it. As for boyfriends, I just ended my relationship cause he's not supportive, and he has no idea I had already started this process....surround yourself with positive supportive people and rock this....hope it helps.....stick to it

I'll weigh in a little. I think it would depend on the relationship you have with your parents......if they are overbearing and like to make your life decisions for you, if you feel they could or would change your mind I would say no. If you have a good relationship I would say yes as long as you know they will be supportive. I'm a daughter and have daughters myself, I would want to know. She's still your mom. I'll just say this......you have one life..live it the way you want and don't let anyone else make your life decisions for you, if this is what you want, go get it. As for boyfriends, I just ended my relationship cause he's not supportive, and he has no idea I had already started this process....surround yourself with positive supportive people and rock this....hope it helps.....stick to it

I only told 3 close girlfriends. My reasoning is that I had failed at so many other attempts that I did not want to spread it around in case I did not become a skinny minny, and in critical eyes therefore not a success. I lost over 80 lbs, there was regain, lost and regained some, losing again, but still always lost more than 55-60 lbs , but am still a size 22, not a size 12. Glad never told people, they just notice am thinner, is all.

As for your Mom, like some already said, depends on how close your relationship is. Sounds your Mom will have her head worried about your Dad, so give her a break. She may be overwhelmed if worried about you too. Get some close girlfriends onboard like I did, who can take care of you...and let your parents notice your weightloss...tell them later, if at all. It's your life. You decide.

Listen to your gut. If you feel they will be unable to support you then don't tell them. You need support not criticism. I have not told my parents that I will be having WLS and I have no intention of telling them.

I am keeping it quiet for now. My husband is the only one that knows. I know my parents would worry. I also don't want to listen to the down sides or risks, or be made to defend my decision.

I may choose to tell after it is complete and I am doing well. I will decide when that time comes :-)

You seem to have a lot of reasons why telling her would be an issue but have not listed any positives. I personally do not believe we are morally responsible to bear everything, even to family.

You are soooo close now! Wishing you a speedy recovery!

You will not be an invalid after surgery and will not need your mother to live in your basement. I was 59 and back at work in less than a week. I was on the treadmill and doing housework two days after my RNY.

I told everyone. My family, friends, the waitresses at the restaurants where I ate, the clerks at the grocery store. It was fun and exciting to share my weight loss journey.

After surgery, you will need to diet and exercise. There is some magic after surgery, but it does not last. The only way to be successful is to learn to eat and exercise properly.

Tell your parents. You are an adult and don't need their approval or permission. I told my mom I was scheduled for surgery in December. When a cancellation came up in October I just went and had the surgery done and did not call anyone until I was back home.

I had surgery on a Tuesday and came home on Friday. I called my family on Friday. On Sunday my sister-in-law called to see how I was doing. I told her I was cleaning house. She said she did not believe me and asked if she could come and see with her own eyes that I was "back to normal".

When she came over and saw how great I was doing, she called my surgeon and make her first appointment that Monday. Her surgery went great and we are both slim and happy now.

clean house and a happy ending? what more could you want?!?!?