Self loathing

I've been having a lot of trouble with this lately too. I work as a server/bartender and have gained 65 pounds since I started there in June 2015. It's a big difference, and patrons actually mention the weight gain. (Ouch!)

But yknow, the last week or so I've really been psyching myself up to ease those feelings. I look at my peers/patrons/coworkers and realize that these people will not recognize me in a few months from now.

I walked into Torrid in the Oshawa Centre the other day, and thought "Someday real soon, I will NEVER walk into a plus sized store -- EVER again. I will never again have to sacrifice nice clothes for clothes that fit, or spend $60 on ONE top because that's all that will fit me."

And then today at Costco, I went through the Vitamin/Protein powder isles in awe. While a lifetime of supplements may sound bad to some, all I keep thinking is the new lease on life that will come with them. By Christmas of this year, our surgeries will be over with--- and it's not that far.

I still HATE going into work and feel a general discomfort, but I know that this is all coming to an end. And that end will be permanent. This isn't it, this isn't final--- with dedication and discipline, we are on our way to a new chapter in our lives. While it won't be easy, and there may be some self esteem/loathing challenges as we lose weight, I know it will be worth it. We are CHOOSING to change our lives, and I think this takes the most courage and dedication of all. For this alone, we should be proud.

Be good to yourself. This is temporary. Cliche as it may be, it's always darkest before the dawn. xox

Thanks for the response! It was such a crappy day. I go into Addition Elle and hate it. Everything is so expensive and for god's sake. Plus size does not mean I'm 6 feet tall!!

I understand what you mean about the supplements and shakes. I spend so much time checking out what I will buy when I start to lose and am looking forward to all of it. I don't think it will be a walk in the park at all. But I would rather spend time working hard to be healthy than working hard to bend over and tie my shoes! ?

As difficult as this day was for you, and as difficult as it was to post, I thank you so much for it! I have been in this exact situation lately too. I am waiting for a surgery date, and just spent a ton of money on clothes that I don't particularly like, but I needed new clothes to look decent at work (everything I own is too small). I just can't wait to shop for clothes that reflect my style. Anyway, thank you again for posting this. It has really helped me and everyone's response has been so enlightening. This whole thread has been the best ever!! I feel so much better.

Barb