Feeling ups and downs

My surgery is scheduled for March 17 and I've been on the Optifast for just over 2 weeks and have lost 16lbs. I have 2 more weeks to go on Opti. I've gone through a gamut of emotions I haven't felt before or at least not with such intensity. Mostly I get these waves of anger to sadness to fear. I am really missing my old food habits and I'm realizing they were my go to all the time I mean every single time I felt stresses in life. It made me feel just for that moment that I could forget. Now I have nothing and I'm feeling a bit panicked. I think this is normal but I also think is this what I'm in for after surgery and for the rest of my life. If there are things that are surfacing that I'm supposed deal with, how the hell am I supposed to deal with them when they cut me off at the knees emotionally. I can't keep busy all the time I have to figure out a way to beat the demons down...just not sure what they are yet and where to start.

I hear you. No one knows what it's like living in these bodies but us. Food is a comfort for many of us. But I know for me, that's why I'm in the shape I'm in. I see a psychologist who helps me deal. Even if it's just to vent. Someone to talk to who will really listen might help you too. Even if it's a friend, partner or parent.

Thank you, yes something I'm planning for sure is seek therapy. I have in the past. I have support through my husband and friends who struggle with food the same way. It's tough and will always be tough but it is just our thing where other people have other struggles.

It is great that you are addressing these emotions now. The struggle is real and it can sometimes be a daily choice to stay on track. One thing that you should be aware of, is that some hormones are stored in fat and as you lose weight they are released into the bloodstream. On the forums we call this a hormone dump and it can knock you for a loop. I was teary, angry, grumpy, sullen - if there was an emotion I had it. Warn you husband and friends that it will get better if you experience this.

Oh my gosh I had heard of the hormone dump but I thought it was only after the surgery but if it is related to hormones stored in fat then it would explain what I've been feeling on Optifast. Thank you for telling me this...I thought I was losing my marbles and I will warn people but my husband and kids have noticed already. It may have been the daggers in my eyes when they talk about or eat food.

I would line up the therapy prior to the surgery so that you can meet with them after. I had a weird situation where I didn't go on opti, but I don't know if that was easier or harder...I didn't have a food funeral and I had to drop a bit more weight on my own because my surgeon would cancel if I gained...I was also due for my period so gaining was JUST A THING had nothing to do with what I ate...

I ended up losing about 5 more lbs on my own just to net -2 on surgery date. I had to be very good for a month on my own. I had head hunger like no one's business, but I will say it got easier. I feel like nothing can really prepare you for surgery. Everybody is different, pain thresholds, gas, etc. I was in a lot of pain on day 2 and was thinking I had made a huge mistake and was depressed about it. (and that is VERY UNLIKE ME). but every day got better. BIG TIME.

Reach out to anyone here if you need support. There's a lot of been there and done that, so STAY THE COURSE. Not every day will be perfect, and that's OK. YOU CAN DO IT. (LOL lots of people wrote that to me and in my head I thought "NO I CAN'T" but low and behold...I'm on day 5 and feel like a totally different person than on day 2.)

Thank you for your support. Truthfully I don't know what I would without these forums. I belong to a Ottawa Facebook page and it's just a life saver to be able to talk through the tough times with people who get it. Happy healing and yes I'll find someone professional sooner than later. I got a list from our Ottawa WMC for doctors that specialize specifically with eating disorder. I'll set something up this week.

I love hearing those stories. It makes me feel less alone and gives me hope to hang on for the good days. Today I'm at work so when I'm distracted it's fine but I got some bad news as I was writing this and so I'm trying to process it before I get home. I just heard that my neighbours' boy (21 yrs old) just passed away from an overdose and I'm sick to my stomach. I've known him since he was a little boy he grew up with our kids. omg these things put everything into perspective. I'm sorry TMI. My heart is broken...

I am 12 days post surgery and struggle always with the "head hunger". I am not physically hungry and doing very well with the post op diet but I miss my food everyday. It is so mental and will be a life struggle I know. Thankful for this tool to keep me on course. I say line up some therapy.

I will line up the therapy for sure. You're doing really well!! In my life as a non-obese person in my 20s and 30s I remember struggling with a few extra pounds and then I'd take them off. For the most part my life didn't include the copious amounts of food that started 20 years ago and that have brought me to where I am now. If it's any consolation there was a time when I was not obese and where I didn't struggle as much. Maybe we'll get there at some point and it's a process that will take as much time to get to as it took for us to get where we are now. I try to focus on that so that I know I CAN do it I just need to be patient and get the support I need. These forums are a God sent.