Just joined, now what?

Hi there.  I have no idea what I'm doing LOL  I just joined this site today - it came up when I was doing a Google search for "weight loss surgery".  I don't really know how to connect to other people near me (I'm in Ontario, Canada).... I just know that I NEED to.  I'm morbidly obese, have been for years, and I'm worried that if I don't do something soon I'm not going to be around for my kids and grandkids.... but I don't know where to even start.

My previous doctor wouldn't refer me for the surgery (I asked plenty of times - he kept saying he didn't really care what his patients weighed (!)) and we only just registered with a new doctor in the city we moved to (and I feel like walking in and introducing myself and then saying, "soooooooooooo how about a referral for major surgery?" is probably not going to go over well).  Truth be told, I'm also terrified of it.  I have so  many concerns, and although I have a few friends who've had it done, I don't' feel comfortable asking them the real "nitty gritty" questions.

Help!

Thanks :)

Don't let your experience with the old Doctor hold you back.  Talk to your new doctor about a referral.  I switched family doctors not long before I decided to look into WLS and my new doc has been wonderful.  He has had other patients who have had success through WLS and talking to him about it really helped me make up my mind to go ahead with the process.  

Thanks!  The old doc said that he'd never seen anyone lose the weight and keep it off... only to tell me at another appointment that he really hadn't had many patients go through the surgery, so he really didn't know.  Argh!  So frustrating!

Thank you!

Hello! Welcome to the site :) You will certainly find all of the answers you are looking for here as well as make new friends who will totally get what you are going through. You will also learn about options for in person support groups in your area (they are everywhere). I live in York Region but there are a lot of people who like in the GTA, Hamilton, Windsor, Ottawa and Northern Ontario. There are also other "pages" that you should look at on this site that are not Ontario specific (click forums at the top of the page). 

It's great that you are doing your research! I would ask your new doctor for a referral as soon as possible so you can at least get the ball rolling - it usually takes over a year up to 2 years from referral to surgery. 

Your apprehension is something I think all of us can relate to. I am now 7 months out and down over 100lbs. I've already passed my clinics goal for me and I'm 26lbs away from my initial goal for myself. It hasn't been easy but living in a morbidly obese body wasn't easy either :) My BMI was 51 when I had surgery and it's now 32. I went from a size 4x top to XL (non plus size!) and size 22 pant to a size 12! I am not nearly as tired, can comfortably sit with my legs crossed, take the stairs with ease, love getting my picture taken and do not regret this decision at all! I wish I did it earlier. My family has also benefited - hubby's down 35lbs and is now a healthy weight and my 16 year old is down 12lbs and now at a really healthy weight. We are all more health conscious. Life is so good. 

Keep researching and please feel free to ask any questions you might have! The folks here have lived experience and are very nice, friendly and eager to help :)

Look forward to hearing about your journey :)

Nikki

Thank you so much!  That's incredible, how well you've done!!  And you're right, living in a morbidly obese body is NOT easy either!

Reading that you can "cross your legs" just about put me in tears.  I don't remember ever being able to do that (it doesn't help that I'm only five feet tall! lol)

My biggest worries about having the surgery are that I will feel sick every time I eat, I won't be able to eat solid food, and I'll lose weight so fast that I'll have no energy at all (sometimes I see before and after pics, and I feel that the people look pale and unwell in their after pictures... THAT scares me, as there's no 'going back') :(

Jennie

Hi Jennie

I can relate - I'm only 5'2" and weighed 280 at my heaviest. I don't ever remember crossing my legs - I do remember secretly analyzing each chair I sit on making sure it would hold me, avoiding chairs with arms or booths in restaurants. I never even thought about crossing my legs but now it just happens naturally without me thinking about it and is super comfortable, lol.

After surgery things were pretty tough for a few months - I couldn't tolerate mu*****luding plain water which made me feel like I'd make a mistake. I kept being told it would get better and it did! I did end up back in the hospital due to nausea and dehydration but felt much better afterwards (and looking back that gave me a boost on my weight loss lol). 

Now I can eat literally anything I've tried. I don't feel deprived at all and eat "normally". I've made some choices - I don't eat bread at all (that was my weakness), no pasta and no rice. I also limit my "snacks". Over the holidays I've had a few bites of cheesecake (one on Christmas eve and again on boxing day), a bite of a cookie and a few chips. I had a full turkey dinner but just a much smaller portion which totally satisfied me. I don't feel sick at all, I drink water all the time, haven't vomited and like I said can tolerate any food I've tried (beef, chicken, pork, eggs, all veggies, cheese, etc). I don't drink alcohol at all and I don't drink pop at all.  I have not hit a stall yet and despite it being the holidays I'm still losing.

The one thing that I will have to face is skin removal surgery. Sadly my arms and tummy is sagging badly and cannot be fixed with exercise but it's the price I pay for the abuse I put my body through all these years :)

I was a self proclaimed happy and healthy fat person so I thought. I have a wonderful husband who loved me unconditionally, 3 wonderful children, a successful career, beautiful home and I didn't have any health related medical conditions (yet) such as diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol etc. I worried that I was "jumping the gun" with surgery and worried that I couldn't go back either. I now realize I wasn't as happy or healthy as I tried to convince myself. In reality I was a ticking time bomb who was secretly self conscious. I am the same person I was before - just happier and healthier :) The thought of going back scares me :)

You totally got this and this forum make become a new addiction, lol - it did for me. I check it daily :)

Hugs

Nikki

Nikki thank you so much for sharing all that with me! You addressed a lot of my questions and concerns, just in that reply! 

I too have been lucky to not (yet)develop weight related illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol etc, but I feel as well that I'm a ticking time bomb.

I also eye up seating when I arrive somewhere, and I'm very self conscious. Worse yet I'm not DOING things I want to, like skiing, roller skating, swimming, traveling :(

Kudos to you for giving up bread etc!!! Do you crave it still though? I never ate much bread until I had to go gluten free...now I eat way too many carbs (and I've gained more weight). I think it comes from being "deprived" (everyone else can eat this, and I can't....). I'm afraid of feeling that way after weight loss surgery too, but it sounds like you're eating what you want, just less of it. 

I gave up diet soda years ago, so giving up pop wouldn't be difficult (although I do like carbonated water). Is it possible to have that after surgery, but people just chose not to?

I've heard that here in Canada, if the excess skin presents real problems, our health care system will pay to have it removed.in the interim are you just conscious of what clothing you choose? Sorry if that's too personal, I'm just trying to learn as much as I can.

I have three kids too, and a hubby that loves me unconditionally...But I don't feel at all attractive anymore, and it's certainly affected my desire to be intimate (there's some personal stuff on me lol)

Thanks again for all your help!

I still "want" bread sometimes but it's not like a craving was pre-surgery. Before surgery if I craved something I didn't feel I had the power to say no and often would justify it in my mind (just this last time then I'll start eating better tomorrow, what difference will this one time make, a least its not..., etc). I tell myself that if I really want bread I can have it - I'm just choosing not to right now. I've come close a few times but felt much better for not doing it :)

Sweets were never a trigger for me so having a bite here and there is ok and I try not to exceed 7-10 grams of sugar per serving. I also track everything on "my fitness pal" which is a free app.

People do go back to carbonation - I've heard mixed reviews on this (some say you shouldn't due to gas but others do it without a problem - your clinic will give you their recommendation). I just chose not to because I've gone this long without it and don't miss it.

Yes my skin should be covered for my tummy (I'll likely pay extra to upgrade to a full tummy tuck) but the arms aren't covered. Yes I have to be careful with the clothes - the smaller size tops I find are shorter and I prefer something a little longer to hide my tummy skin (it's not flat but rather bulges below the belly button and sides) and my arms I can wear only short sleeves or long sleeves - not sleeveless. It's not too personal at all! :)

My hubby was also nervous about me going for surgery and I felt at times would try to sabotage me to be honest. He would say "I've always liked big girls", "your beautiful the way your are", "your gunna get skinny and leave me", etc etc. He would also offer me things I shouldn't eat. I finally had a talk with him and told him exactly what i needed - his support and what that looked like. Now he's my biggest supporter and cheerleader and despite him "always liking big girls" he's happier with me now more than ever (he's never said this but I can tell). He compliments me daily, is very physically affectionate, wants to hold hands when we're out, etc. Your love life will improve - trust me :)

I'm glad this helped! Keep in touch :)

Nikki

I am only 6 weeks out.  But I too was healthy and happy and did this a preventive measure.  At 6 weeks even food is going well.  

From what I hear in Ontario, OHIP will only pay for a panni.  Though you can pay the difference and upgrade to a tummy tuck.

Where abouts are you?  I got a referral to the Wharton clinic from a walk in Dr.  The Wharton clinic referred me for surgery on my second visit (after they had gone through all the things I had done to try to lose weight previously)