feeling blue

I caught a glimpse of myself unexpectedly and was just horrified at myself; everything is bloated - my nose even ... and, my 8 year old son overheard me on the phone telling my mom about the program and surgery and now he is asking a ton of questions - what will the holes in your belly look like?  will you be sick a lot after the surgery? ... at Disney in February he told me that he sometimes does not walk beside me in public because people are looking at how fat I am and it embarrases him ... he is really honest with me - didn't say it to be mean ... I am worried that he will feel guilt that I am doing this surgery, which is serious, because of what he said ... so today, my self though is "just get it together and stop eating Lee-Ann" ... feeling defeated ....  sorry to vent so sadly, just feeling so depressed and wondering how I let my life get to this point

We have all felt this disappointment with ourselves more than once.  I had to hit some huge "lows" along my journey and my major depression diagnosis. I worked through a lot of darkness and guilt with therapy over 5yrs and in the end I was truly ready for this change... for me.

  People on this forum have different stories.....but often a common theme.  Of how we feel we failed ourselves and others around us, and extreme guilt and shame.  Just take comfort in the fact that you have made the steps necessary to help change your life and your health.  You are on the right road now, try to leave the painful stuff behind you and focus on this amazing opportunity and giving your son your best and happiest you.

I wish you well

I have to there. Only 3 yrs ago I was 65 lbs lighter. Not slim, but way smaller than I am now. I beat myself.up for getting this big. I know what I need to eat an how much, but I always cave. Now, everything aches and I can't do activities I would like to and I hate doing anything social/in public. My surgery is Sept 23.....it can't come.fast enough. I know I need to stop beating myself up, it is what it is, and get in to a new chapter of being healthy. I plan on starting therapy going through this journey so I can address my core issues with food (food is my drug!) hang in there!

Catherine 

After my RNY surgery it was so easy to eat less.  I was never hungry and I could only eat a small amount when I did eat.  I still have lots of restriction and no hunger nine years later.

We all have been there, some of us still are. Just know that you are working on fixing the problem now. My son just turned 9 and also had lots of questions. I wouldn't worry about him feeling guilty.  He will see how much more you will be able to do with him and he will be so happy. Just keep keeping on, things always get better.

Put the past failures behind you. This is a new journey and one that will hopefully take you to the ife you want. Write down all the reasons you want this surgery for you. Not other peoples expectations just yours. Perhaps you can share this with your son so you are honest with him about why you want this and not just for him.

Get involved with your process. With every appointment look at it as a step forward. Start making some small changes now that will help you. Drink more water. Do more walking. Try not to focus on your weight right now.

Good luck