just babbling...

Hi everyone

I was away on vacation in Europe and honestly, i'm just glad to be back.  It feels like being fat in Europe is a crime.  I'm not saying everyone was mean, but I FEEL like they were all judging....especially my family!  Anyway, everyone in my family in europe is a surgeon  and all of they were very encouraging when I told them I was going to pursue WLS.  Obviously they are family and they have known me forever, so they know my struggles...but ONE of my cousins...she thought I should lose weight "naturally".  She felt that my quality of life would go DOWN if I got WLS.  I thought to myself - spoken like a person who's NEVER struggled with weight.  Truth be told I was actually really upset, because I think this world is pretty mean to obese people.

A while ago when I wasn't as heavy as I am now...I lost about 50 lbs and EVERYONE treated me like I was gold.  I got a lot of attention from men, and even women were much nicer to me.  In the stores, the clerks just bent over backwards for me.  All of them would bring me clothes, asked me what I thought about this and that...etc...at that time I REALLY great a special appreciation for my friends who were with me when I was fat, skinny and back again.  But i have grown a pretty big resentment for others.  People who were haters, judgmental, didn't give you time of day in a store...etc.

I'm wondering after WLS if I'll feel resentment towards some of my family and others.  This time around it was more VIVID to me, because now I'm fat again, and so i really feel it.  Anyway, just wondering if I made any sense (!) and if anyone else has felt this...

THANKS EVERYONE!

As the pounds melt away so will your attitude and resentment. Many of us wondered the same thing. Its a form of anger. You will soon understand the value of the words how to "Let it go!" Trust me...I have 25 years experience with a "large" family. Some have hurtful words because they are covering up for their own fears and jealousy. I put it in my head a long time ago that the fat pockets were toxic and trapped resentment toward others. As I started to loose weight, I reminded myself that I needed to stop this toxic thinking. Even learned to "let it go" when someone looked at me the wrong way. I carry my head high....I move on to the next challenge....I can speak to an audience...I can open my mind and be creative. Who cares they are judgmental, you are doing this for you. Happy travels and realizing how to let go of the pounds and resentment.

thanks for the encouragement.  clearly I was having a little pity party for myself!  Yes I do hope the resentment all melts away :)

I think we go through phases where we are embarrassed by the new attention weightloss brings, and then we are a little bit of a showoff, and then we look at the volume of food that others are eating and are shocked and feel a little guilty that we ever ate that much.  I'm still going through different phases.  We are always a work in process.  

What is important for me right now, is to become stronger physically and mentally, and to be more mindful when I do eat.  I will NEVER be perfect, but if I keep trying to improve than that is as close as I will ever get to perfection.  

There will always be people that think they need to share their opinions. I have a friend who is my "food friend". She has a lot of horrible things to say right now about my decision. It is hard but we need to start doing things for ourselves and not care what others say. It is their issue. Hard to take.