Emotional Concern - Any guidance appreciated!

I am afraid that I have fallen down the rabbits hole and I won't make it back out. The last 3 weeks, I have not been as strict as I normally am.  I have ate way more bread then I normally allow (allowance is usually 1 pita every 2 weeks), I have eaten more rice as well and have snacked (cheezies, cookies and mini cinnamon buns) among other things.  Granted this is not an everyday occurrence but it is out of the normal.  I am very ashamed of myself.  I have lost weight in these three weeks but my weight loss is slowing down now since I am 8 months post-op!  I am coming close to the top weight of what they consider a "safe weight" and feel that I am still fat/overweight.  I would like to lose 75 to 90 more pounds depending on my body but I am scared that this slip up will cost me big time.

I do know what the cause of this hatred and sabotage to myself is, as I saw my first love 3 weeks ago for the first time in a long long time. Our families were friends when we were younger and the love started then.  We had never dated due to him being 3 years younger than me plus he did move away.  We both have our own families and spouses now.  But when I saw him I did not expect the emotional overload that I felt.  I had anxiety for 3 days after I saw him because of the intensity of the emotions I felt.  I do not believe this is a "what if" situation but just an intense love that I feel for him.  Love of my life kind of thing.  I will not be seeing him anytime soon due to him living far away.  He also never gave any indication that he felt the same.  Please don't get me wrong, I do love my husband but this was and is different. 

I am not sure how to get back on track and wondering if this has happened or something similar to someone here. How did you manage to get your head straight?

I know that this is not the typical question that is posted here as it has a lot to do with emotional concerns but this might be the only place I can find an answer. We have all had different experiences and someone might be able to help me out.

I am afraid that I will fail as like most of us here. I do not want to be that person I was.  Trapped in a body that did not feel like my own.  I just want to get back on track.

Any words might help.

Thank you for your time everyone that has read this post.

Emotions can be very hard to deal with.You have been able to identify wt triggered your eating which is a great first step. You are still early out. I would contact your centre and make an appointment with the Dietitian and Psychologist ASAP. They are there to help post op too.

Go back to your literature and start again measuring your food, making sure you are drinking and staying hydrated. Do something nice for yourself.  

You are losing weight, and you are in the middle of a major hormone dump.  Hormones are stored in fat and as you lose they dump in your system.  

As for the love of your life, you never dated him so you see the dream, not the reality.    You didn't get to see him when he scratched himself, or farted, or any of the other things that people do when they are comfortable with someone.  You know it's the love of your life when they are there for you through the rough times, when you've seen them at their worst and you still love them.  This takes time.

Call your centre and ask for an appointment with the SW to see if they can give you guidance about the bad food choices.  I'm sending you a big hug and hoping you can ride this out.   You do not want to waste your honeymoon period. 

Thank you both for the words.  Now I know what is happening to me and I will work on getting myself back to level.  I went to the gym last night and it felt really good.  I think it might be the first step to getting back to who I want to be.  It just really threw me for a loop.

Again thank you!

Weight loss surgery is quite the excitement generator for the first six months.  Weight falls off and people are amazed at the way you look.  Then the weight loss slows down and so do the compliments.  All of this weighing, measuring food and exercising gets pretty boring.

You are looking for a new adventure.  Seeing your first love brought excitement.

Start dreaming of new things that you can experience.  Get out your bucket list or write one if you have not already. 

Mine is a binder with dreams and goals.  I cut pictures out of magazines and add them to my wishes.  A picture of a beach in Hawaii, the home you hope to buy, countries you want to visit, books you want to read, pets, clothes, cars, anything you would find exciting.

Stick to your diet and exercise, but look for new ways of having adventures.  Then make those adventures happen.

Thank you!  I might just do that and get an adventure binder.

Thank you for sharing this.   I had forgotten that someone had told me before about emotional dumping.   It's good to have it on my radar for when I get there.  

I love the idea of an adventure binder.  I've been making a list of things I'd like to do after I lose some weight.   Mostly my goals have been to fit in chairs again (movies theaters, concerts, comedy shows) or to sit at a friends place without worrying about breaking their patio furniture.   Sad really, but what I'm most looking forward to.   I did have another thought pop into my head last week, not sure where it came from, but I'd really like to go horseback riding with my kids.   I will add that to my binder.

My goal is the same as yours - not breaking lawn/patio furniture!  We will get there!

Plus I have always wanted to go horseback riding.  I think it would be such an adventure!