Help! Dating after surgery weirdness

Thanks for replying Cc, I really appreciate it.  I hear you about frogs.  As of today I have been out on dates with 14 men and only 4 of them would I want to see again.  That is a lot of effort just to get to a second date, and I guess I just thought I was a better judge of character than that.  But then again people act different the first time you meet them, they are more careful what they say.  I have another date today, meeting for drinks with someone at noon.  If you were in my shoes would you tell him about the surgery or not?  Would you see him for fun knowing how he thinks?  To me it is a turn off because I feel so conflicted.

I personally wouldn't waste another minute with him, fun or not.  He is far too critical and outright rude if you ask me.  How does he know you don't have overweight or homeless people in your own life.  I wouldn't tell him a damn thing about your own weight issues as it will just be a reason for him to diss you.  Keep your power and to hell with him.  We all have preferences and if he doesn't like dating larger women that is one thing but to bash all overweight people for no reason is disgusting and then throw in the comments about homeless people.  Huge red flags to me to run as far away as possible. I wouldn't give up on dating because of one jackass or that you didn't connect with all the men you have dated.  Dating online is different than the old ways of meeting people and you may end up on 100 dates before you connect.  It's a lot easier online to set up a date than it was when you had to be introduced or meet in a bar or at work, etc.  The exposure is bigger online so of course you are going to end up meeting way more people and it may take longer to meet the right guy for you.

Thank you Tracey, it is good to hear from different points of view on this.  I was thinking the same re his comments, and I do have a family member who was periodically homeless due to mental health issues, that is why his comments did not sit well with me.  I also have several family members who are or have been obese.  I guess I just wanted him to be something he is not because he was my best first date so far, I so wanted it to work.  Does he deserve to know about my surgery just because he bought me a couple of dinners? I certainly did not feel like he did last night, dinner or no dinner.  I just wish I were brave enough to tell him outright that I completely disagree with his comments, but I so wanted him to like me, guess I am really insecure still.  It is becoming clear that this will not be an easy task, it is a little overwhelming.  Anyone else do online dating after surgery? 

You don't need to tell any man you had wls, it's none of their business.  I know a member that is almost 10 years out and has never told any men she dated that she had surgery, sure she has loose skin and they know she obviously lost weight but she never says she had surgery as she feels it's none of their business.  She's even in a long term relationship and still hasn't told him about it.  

I am guessing you will likely find him less attractive now after his comments.  You found him physically attractive but seeing this side of him is likely going to make you see him in a different light.  His comments for date two are damn ballsy if you ask me, I'd never speak to someone I had just recently met about anything like that.  I have a feeling that was just a small glimpse into his hatefulness.  

If you want to keep seeing him, open your mouth and debate issues that bother you.  I wouldn't stay bottled up about everything.  You don't have to blast him but you can try like you did try to explain not everyone gets fat by overeating and he just brushed you off. You don't have to give him personal reasons for your not agreeing with him but you can try and open his hateful eyes just a bit.  If he is fun and you want to just do fun things then keep dating him but I'd not divulge anything to him about your own surgery.  If he keeps bringing up the weight thing, you could simply say something like I don't appreciate all your comments about overweight people as I myself have not always been this size and struggled with weight for years until I got it under control.  Don't have to say you had surgery as then he'd likely you say you took the easy way out, diet and exercise are what you did with surgery but it's none of his business.

I agree with Tracey.  I really can't see this going anywhere, because I don't think he will change and you would always hate his hurtful comments.  If you felt the need to, you could say that you previously had weight issues and you worked very hard on them, but it is a daily struggle.  I really don't think it would change his opinion of obese people, and you want to be able to be in this for the long haul.  In my opinion he is not worthy of you.

Personally Ziz I would tell him about your surgery and say you were one of those people he feels the need to hate and that you have worked very hard to get where you are today. Then I would tell him you can't see him again because of his ignorance. 

I am not sure he is worth telling about my surgery, he seems pretty judgemental.  I wish I had to balls to do that but am not sure.

My only advise is when someone shows you who they are believe them 

if he is showing you this behaviour this early,  I'm scared to know whats coming next :-(

there are many wonderful people out there, don't waste it on people that don't share your values 

Good points as usually people are on their best behaviour at first.  Kind of scary.

You have to decide you are worthy of the right person.  I would rather be alone and masterbate then be with the wrong person.  

I'm going to give you another car analogy.   I'd rather walk then drive a hummer.  I'd rather drive an old car that I owned and paid for myself then  be with someone that hurt my soul, just to ride in their convertible.   ( not the best analogy! )

This guy is a douche in a pretty wrapper.  I'd run .