Emotional eater here! Tips and tricks on how to NOT do that!

Good morning everyone!

I am an emotional eater and I believe that may be a problem for me going through this entire process!  When I get upset/frustrated with my kids I know I do it.  But only when I get to the point of being fed up.  It happens other times as well but not as often as I used to. 

Does anyone else have any ideas or suggestions of how I can divert myself not to do that?  I know it is will power but any suggestions would be really helpful!  I really do not want to screw this up and so terrified that I will or already have! I really do not want to be fat again after this surgery!

Thank you to everyone!

Morning!

I'm 3 months post op, and an emotional eater.  I started putting new practices into my lifestyle pre-op so that my life wasn't completely upside down after surgery.  Things like making sure I had healthy snacks in the house (raw almonds) or go drink some water.  I replaced a lot of self-comforting with food with my sneakers.  Put them on - go for a walk.  At night, after dinner I'd brush my teeth.  I still do that.  Most of all recognizing and being honest with myself that I need to eat to live, not live to eat.  My old patterns didn't do me any good, so I really had to buckle down and make a serious effort and commitment not to revert to those ways.  So far so good.  One day at a time.  And to be honest, being terrified is a good motivator.  Like you, I don't want to return to my 287lb self.  The fear of that keeps me moving forward and embracing this new, healthier lifestyle.  You can totally do this!!

Great advice!  Love the running shoes idea and also not having bad food in the house is key. Thankfully I'm not an emotional eater but I still have to watch what I eat no matter what. My go to snacks are Melba toast laughing cow cheese and turkey pepperettes. Making egg salad and tuna salad at the beginning of the week is also a great go to. You can have it for any meal or as a snack. The odd time I might eat it on Melba but more often I just eat it plain. 

Good luck!

Emotional eating is a problem, but you realize some of the triggers.  I'd suggest seeing if there are any classes for it through the clinic, or talk to a counselor/therapist.  They would be able to help you with being able to deal with the emotions.  That will be the best route.  There are things that you can do when you are stressed/depressed like using a journal.  But if you don't deal with the emotions, then no matter what you do, it's just transferring it to something else.  It may not be food, but it may not be better for you either.

I wish you well on your journey.

Cathy

I am approaching 4 years post RNY and am very happy with where I am today physically.  Emotionally I have lots of work still to do but am proud of all I have achieved to date.  I searched out every support I could muster.   I have been seeing a therapist which I started early in my pre-op stage.  I have attended a mindfulness eating course.  I work on my exercise routine all the time finding ways to ensure I stay on the activity track.  I have read books, journaled as much as a can (a totally new phenomenon for me) and attended course through humber on emotional eating.  Intellectually I understand a lot more about my eating but emotionally still struggle with it.  I suspect I will be working on this the rest of my life but have made a kind of peace with that.  I too am terrified of re-gain.  I think most of us are as chronic dieters and we completely understand this.

I don't believe there is any magic answer but honestly I think you should try challenge yourself, work on being non-judgemental with yourself as you can and know there is no quick fix.  You will have better days and days that aren't so good but don't let those days side track you from the long-term.  Each moment is a new beginning.  I think as much as possible you need to address the emotional eating directly.  Look for all the support your program offers you.  Attend support groups, make use of the social work or therapist they provide.  Look for other eating or general programs that are within your budget either through your local hospital or other groups like overeaters anonymous or local general mindfulness courses.  And of course this site!

If you remember the goal is long-term health and that requires long-term work and will include days that are more challenging than others you have a better chance at success.

Good luck with this journey...it's an incredible ride.

Andrea.

Thank you Andrea for all of your advise. I just hope I can be strong enough. I feel like sometimes I have nothing else left to give and that's what drives me to the emotional eating. I guess I get tired of trying so hard. Trying to be a good person, wife, sister and mother when it seems everyone else doesn't care. Today post op I feel like I may have made mistake because I feel like I will fail. This is not who I want to be, a fat person that can't keep up to her kids, that feels humiliated each time I go outside. But it's an endless cycle because you feel bad about yourself so you eat because you are emotional and because you are emotional you eat. I know about smart eating. I am very much aware and I was not the type of person who would eat mcd's every night. I made meals that were balanced and it still happened. My Dr said it was probably my body, not my eating that caused all of this weight gain. It's just a issue with my body holding on and I'm afraid that even now post op it will be the same. Emotionally draining. I just tired of having to try so hard I guess. Total rant and I'm sorry. I just hope that I didn't make a mistake.

Firstly, buyers remorse is super common after surgery.  I remember waking up and thinking "What have I done!?!?!?"  Having spoken to others I know this feeling is very normal.  

Secondly, most people I have spoken to several years post op tell me they have no regrets with surgery.  Even those that have had a complication or re-gained significant weight, they still are better off than not.  Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but that has been my experience.  

Thirdly, it sounds to me like you are ahead of the game.  You already have good habits in terms of shopping and preparing healthy foods.  This surgery will hopefully help you with portion control as well as give you time to work on some of the emotional triggers to your eating.  I can so identify with your feeling of just being tired of fighting.  I would often lament, "Why can't I just eat like normal people?  Why does food have to be such a preoccupation for me??"  My journey to date has taught me a number of things.  From reading your words some of what I have learned may resonate with you.  Firstly my black or white/all or nothing thinking.  This fed into my doing and being everything to everyone.  If I didn't make everyone happy, if I wasn't perfect then I was a failure.  Overcoming this (an ongoing battle) was probably the first step for me.  Learning to be forgiving to ME and gentle with ME was surprisingly difficult.  My self judgement was severe.  This definitely spilt over into my eating.  I had "good" days and "bad" days there was nothing in-between.  This is definitely where working with a therapist has benefitted me. 

Lastly, I think most of us live with fear of failure.  After all, failure has been the name of the game for us when it has come to eating/dieting/appearance etc.  We are all "failures" otherwise why would we be undergoing surgery?  However, I keep trying to remind myself that that attitude will become a self-fulfilling prophecy if I don't work hard to change my mindset.  I have to have faith that it can be different this time.  That surgery gives me a tool to start working on the long-term goals.  My goal of self respect, self discipline and self awareness.  It is a never-ending journey.  I have some days that are better than others but every day I can re-commit.  Even when things are not going "perfectly" I am doing things differently.  I know I will be working on this probably for the rest of my life but given where I am (a place I have never been - a healthy weight, running 10k when I had never run (willingly) more than 100m in my life and watching my kids embrace a healthier lifestyle) I am at peace with this struggle.

I hope you will take strength in knowing you are not alone.  You are starting on a journey which is rocky, emotional and filled with surprising both good and bad but, from my experience, definitely worth the ride.

Good luck!

Andrea.