I think i'm becoming too obsessed...

Thanks. The funny part is i take a pic everyday as i like taking pics now, i cannot even bear to look at my old pic though. Just don't feel good anymore.

Just checking in -- how are you doing today? Have you followed up with your Bariatric team? Hope things are taking a turn for the better.

I'm doing a bit better.. Just in a foul mood at times. I have still yet to f/u with Guelph as my appt. is next month during xmas break. Will keep you posted though. Thanks.

It is hard to stop the thoughts from running through your head but you can and must stop talking about them to others. Not only is it harmful to your niece, no one really wants to hear it. You will alienate everyone. Find a good counselor.

Thanks Laura. I have since stopped talking about weight to my niece as i realized that wasn't fair as she has her own body issues being a teen and all. I trying to take steps towards self care and love. I was planning to call my doc soon as i sense a bit of sadness almost depression like.

I think we all have this obsession to a certain degree.  To go through the all the  things we have to hope to achieve and maintain a healthy weight.... we have a lot invested.  It makes perfect sense to me why you are feeling the way you are, and the fears that you have ( just like the rest of us) about going back to what and who you were.......its scary.....and it should be!!!   Your internal voice is trying to keep you in check.

  As for you niece... Im sure if you think back there were many things along your journey that were uncomfortable for those who were close to you, and you would likely still be feeling guilty about your behaviour and the example you are setting if you were still that obese unhealthy aunt who talked about eating all the time and was miserable and too uncomfortable to go anywhere.  I think sometimes even though we look changed on the outside its sometimes hard to break the old habits inside... of being too hard on ourselves and looking for ways to create guilt, shame and failure...those old emotions that we clinged to in the past.  (Ive been guilty of this many times!!)

By all means see a dr or specialist for advise and help.  The biggest thing in your favour is you have awareness.  You are acknowledging that you are struggling (that's the good news!!)  But also don't forget that you are 2yrs out.  You KNOW how lose weight and follow the program, and what works and what doesn't for you.  You know what is a sensible and healthy approach.  You might want to just go back and review the basics (when you just started out) and truly believe that you are a strong, intelligent and capable person who has achieved amazing things.........and don't doubt for a second that you cant handle this.  Its a bump in the road (as they say).

 Remember to always be safe, treat yourself with kindness and NEVER stop believing in the power of YOU!!!!!

That was truly beautiful MonaLisa. I hear you and i will try hard to stay on the healthy track. I've worked so hard to get where i am and the thought of failure sure puts a lot of fear in me. I never even used to think and obsess over food when i was heavier or even watch food network. I think because i ate what i wanted i didn't think of food at all and what was off limits. Now i have to think before i eat and count calories and it's stressing me out. I just feel a lot of pressure from myself to stay smaller.