I think i'm becoming too obsessed...

Lately i've been thinking too much about weight and i'm becoming obsessed. Every minute/hour, i'm thinking of food, how much i'm going to eat, micro manage on MFP to the smallest of macro's. I feel very fat, thunder thighs and always bargaining on what and how much to eat. I look fine to others but i'm stuck on losing 10-20 more pounds. I still fit my med sized clothes, but i feel very FAT... to the point my niece told me the other day that i'm talking/talking  too much about weight and it's starting to bother/affect her and she's only 14. I don't want to send a negative image to her, but i cannot help myself. I even feel guilty when i eat a banana for heavens sake that i can't look myself in the mirror. I've gone back to limiting my food to 6-750 cals from 9-1000 cals and i'm 2yrs out. I don't want to go from one extreme to another, but i can see it happening. 

This all started when i had knee surgery in the summer and I had terrible water retention for months as i gained almost 20lb. overnight. The retention is slowly receding and my legs still indent when i put pressure on them. I have lost 7lb. yet i'm still conscious/paranoid about it now. I'm trying to exercise more than necessary and eat as little as possible so i can lose the water weight. My doc did some lab work and said everything was fine and to be patient as i seen to take longer than most to lose the water weight. 

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Call your centre and talk to a psychologist. Body image is a problem for a lot of people when they first lose weight but also you need to figure out how to make this a life long lifestyle,

Good luck

Thanks Pat. I have still yet to go for my 2yr check up due to school scheduling, but i'm going next month during school break and i will definitely mention it. I thought i got over it and for awhile i felt great, but now all i see in a mirror/photo is fat.

What Pat said is a wonderful suggestion.  Just want to send you hugs.  You are doing a great job and you have taken on a lot lately with a new job and school.

I don't know where you're going to school, but they prob have people there to talk to (in the meantime - before you get to your clinic appointment).  I'm a grad student and my school offers all sorts of wellness activities/people.

And, saying it out-loud here is a good start!  Try to head off this trend!

Goodluck!

Thanks Jilly. I attend Fanshawe, Simcoe. They do have resources i will tap into, just never thought i'd be so engrossed in this.

Thanks CC. I can always count on you guys to make me feel better. Hugs.

Nia did you have surgery at TWH? The support group there is pretty good. Also , I find my therapist really helpful too, I definitely encourage one to one therapy if you can fit it in.

Good wishes!

I had surgery in Guelph. Thanks for the suggestion for therapy because i thin****rtainly need some. Just not feeling happy these days.

Great suggestions here! In the meantime, I am wondering if you took a picture of yourself today and put it beside a picture from 2 years ago --- might this help? Things I don't acknowledge in the mirror become more real for me in photos. I'm a slow loser too - so appreciate what you are saying about obsessing.