Learning to ask for help...

Throughout the process of moving toward surgery, I've learned so much about myself.  And never anything more valuable than what I learned today, not only about myself but about the people closest to me in my life.

Today I found out that my pet care fell through for the days that I'll be in the hospital in January.  I freaked!  I have a dog and a cat, both are senior pets and my cat can't be moved from my home (it would stress him out too much and he needs medication).  So putting them in boarding is not an option.  My family all lives out west so help from that quarter is also not possible.

I don't know if many of you feel the way I do, but I hate asking people to do favours for me, I hate inconveniencing others in particular.  I've never been comfortable asking for help, although I actually think that's not a very healthy attitude to have and through this process I'm realizing that I have to stop thinking like this.  Never was this more apparent to me than today.

When I found out that two of my possible pet sitters were not available, I was devastated.  Devastated enough to reach out to my friends and ask for help.  One of my friends has already sacrificed four days of her vacation to stay with me after surgery (and she has two little kids at home), so I didn't feel that I could place a further burden on her.  I asked two of my other friends and both of them were willing to move hell and high water to help out (even given their own obligations at home, which are many).  I am so grateful and I'm also annoyed that I found it so difficult to ask for help in the first place.  Part of this process is learning to value yourself enough to make yourself a priority, and believe that you are valuable enough to deserve the help, support, and love of others.  This process has also confirmed for me that I have very strong and supportive friendships that I can count on throughout the post-op period when the going gets tough.  I'm humbled and very grateful for this lesson. 

I'm glad you were able to find someone to watch your pets while you are in the hospital.  You did learn a big lesson, and it's one that I've had to swallow my pride and learn as well.  It's OK to ask for help when you need it.  There are times when we truely can't do it ourselves, no matter how hard we try.  I have helped many in the past, but it was hard to ask when I needed it myself.  But like you, my friends moved hell and high water for me.  Actually, last time it was litterally.  I had sold my house and needed to move.  I can carry a lot, but some things just need more than one person to move.  I was so thankful for them those days!  As I'm sure you are of your friends to look after your cats.

Cathy

I think it's hard when you are the one who is often the "go to" person for help, to be able to admit that you need help yourself.   I really struggle with that.  And then there's the fear that someone might let you down if you ask for help and that person is unable to give it.  I've come to the conclusion that part of "fixing" me, beyond the surgery, is that I need to get over myself and learn that it's ok to show vulnerability sometimes, and it's ok also if it doesn't always have a happy ending (but in this particular case I'm very glad it did).

I'm exactly the same way... Part of it, for me, stems from not wanting to burden others, and the other part, is likely because I've been let down so frequently. 

I didn't even have anyone to pick me up from the hospital. I finally had to ask my mother (who never offered) if she could. And the same thing happened with my pet sitter, he backed out last minute. I know the stress it all causes... 

For me, I've been going through this journey alone, well minus the support I get on the forums, and I'm OK with that. 

Youre re lucky to have such a great support system. 

This is why I love OH... I think everyone can relate to being let down by people they have trusted. This is particularly difficult if that is a family member.  I've had challenges dealing with my parents - in fact, our relationship broke down completely for about 10 years and we have slowly been trying to rebuild it.  Unfortunately, when a parent lets you down, it's quite hard not to extrapolate on that experience when you consider your relations with others. I've definitely done that and I think that is something I'm going to have to work on over the coming year.

I was very encouraged to read your post.  I too have problems asking for help. Thank-you.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that finds this difficult!

You are truely blessed. There is nothing more important than true friends

Thanks, Pat - I agree!

I'm really happy for you that you were able to ask for help and that your pets will be well taken care of during your hospital stay.  

Your post made me cry and still, I had to read it a second time.  It was like I had written the first part of your post.  I find it extremely difficult to ask anyone for anything.  I am always there to help others and have been let down when I needed help the most.  My brother and sister have been the worst.  My fiancé, whom I've been with for 5 1/2 years keeps telling me that I need to ask for help, no matter what it may be with.  I even have a difficult time asking him and his 3 teenage children for help with the dishes and other household chores, instead I do it all myself.  

I hope that as I go along with this journey, I can learn to make myself a priority and realize all that I deserve.