Did you have a lot of support?

I'll start out by saying that I am very early in my journey.  I have a very supportive family in general, they supported me a lot with my ups and downs with losing 100 lbs on WW and subsequently gaining back 35 lbs of it.  

Unfortunately, they are not supportive of me having this surgery, YET.  Almost 10 years ago, they watched a Dateline NBC program on Gastric By-Pass and unfortunately back then things weren't done the way they are now and the risks were more significant.  This sticks in their minds.  

I brought it up to my mother and she basically told me that she cannot support me in the decision. I was shocked because it isn't like her. I think she will come around.  My father may be okay with it.

My plan is to wait until after I have my orientation and all my ducks in a row so to speak to sit down and talk with them again.  My sister will come as well as she is supportive of me doing this.

Anyone else have problems with support? How did you deal?

For the record, I am not 10 years old, haha.... I know I am an adult and will ultimately do what I wish but I would like to go into this with full support of my family.

Thanks :)

It is hard having people you care about seem unsupportive of such a huge decision. I went through something similar with my own parents. They really had no idea what the surgery entailed and was just plain scared for me, as it turns out. I spent time explaining the procedure and let them know very clearly that my body could no longer lose weight, despite best efforts, it just wasn't capable anymore due to metabolic destruction from all the years of yo-yo dieting. I would no longer have high blood pressure, possibly not have sleep apnea, would no longer be pre-diabetic, and would be able to move and walk with no pain.

My resolve had a lot to do with their acceptance. I also took my mother with me to an appointment with my surgeon. Meeting him and having him explain things to her made all the difference. They now understood and felt confidence in the surgeon.

Most times the seeming lack of support comes from fear.

Karen

Edited to add: I would be very remiss if I didn't mention the incredible support both my parents have given me since WLS. They are my biggest cheerleaders, they love that I host a support group for others to connect them with the WLS community and ask frequently about specific members as they follow their journeys as well through me. It has been quite astounding to me how fighting obesity has become an interest and passion to them as well. :)

You would also be very remiss if your own energy and kindness wasn't mentioned as well, Karen. 

You have always been there and I appreciate that. More than you know

Despite having three relatives who had the procedure, neither of my parents were thrilled when I told them I was having surgery. It didn't matter though because it was MY choice. 

Once I was committed they were supportive but still unsure.  When I started to lose weight my mom started to get excited for me and loved buying me clothes.  My dad went with me to my one year follow up and was a man of few words but said it was the best thing I'd ever done.  

Ironically they started talking to the manager of their dental office (Teresa) who was a bigger girl.  She asked about me and they showed her picture and my dad pretty much was instrumental in convincing her to consider surgery.  She later asked to meet up with me and had surgery.  Teresa ended up running my support group with me.  

Teresa also had parents who tried to convince her to not to surgery.  She often shared at our meetings at how her parents tried everything including offering to buy her a treadmill or gym membership.  Her mother was VERY against surgery.  But just like mine, her parents became huge advocates for surgery when they saw Teresa's success. 

Most of the negative reactions come from worry and stress.  There's a lot of misinformation about surgery. 

As you heard from Karen and Dawn, the biggest cause of not being supported is fear.  I was lucky, my Mom did support me.  My ex didn't really express one way or the other, and I didn't tell those I thought would be against me until I had to (had to explain why I was drinking shakes and not eating at a weekend of family parties, the Opti days).

Bringing your Mom to orientation may help her to understand what the journey you are undertaking is all about.  And encourage her to ask any question that she wants.  This is where she can get answers for herself.  Then she may be more comfortable with your choice.  She may still be scared, but not quite as much.

Cathy

I second Catw's suggestion about bringing your mom to orientation...the clinic I'm going through actually highly recommends you bring someone with you to the orientation for support as well as helping them understand what you've decided to go through.

My mother is one of those people that judges me, and harshly. I literally cannot do anything right, ever. If I was on welfare I was a bad mother for not supporting my children. Now that I work full time (from HOME, mind you) I'm a bad mother that neglects her children. I dated a guy and I was a bad parent for that, but when we split up I was selfish because he could provide the lifestyle that my children "deserved" (he was wealthy even though I did not love him).

So, I lied. I lie to her about it. I've made up a story with my best friend about horrible and painful stomach aches, and when my surgery date comes around, I'll make up a story about a gall bladder being removed, or something. I don't even know yet. I know that I'll mostly do it on my own and my oldest son is 19, old enough to care for my youngest child, so I don't need her or anyone else. I'm doing this for me and for my health, and she will never approve. No time will be the right time, no time will be convenient, and in her eyes, everything I do will be just putting my children in some sort of jeopardy. 

My mom was scared, and still is. She is thrilled with the new me, but now worries that my training will hurt the surgery somehow. 

I did have one friend who debated me for months. He was concerned with me dying. Plain and simple. Did all sorts of research and came up with reasons why I shouldn't have the surgery. He still thinks it was too drastic, and that I should have just got it off myself. Sigh. Love him to bits but this is one thing we can't agree on.