I hate food.

I never, EVER thought I'd feel this way.  I'm almost 5 weeks post-op and I really am having a love/hate relationship with food.  I rarely, if ever "hungry".  I still deal with cravings (especially when my ass of a boyfriend brings home some of my favourite junk foods and eats them in front of me), but am managing to resist all the bad stuff.

But I've found there's very little I enjoy eating any more.  I eat because I have to, and I really don't enjoy it.  I know this sounds weird, but it makes me a little sad.  I use to really enjoy food.  Tastes, textures, smells ... now none of it really appeals.  I can't eat the foods I want to, and probably never will.  Oddly enough, one of the things I'm craving the most (aside for some wonderfully spicy Thai food) is a big, crunchy salad full of different veggies.  I know that eventually I can have *some* salad but right now, nada.

Anyway .. I'm just whining.  I'm having a rough week (it was my first week back to work and the stress levels went through the roof on day 1) and feel *****y.

Congratulations TES,

You have taken a big step, one we are all on here in our own ways. Food to me at this point has been comfort, a cure to boredom, and a social function with extended family. It is at every major intersection in the City, and on TV. I have a dysfunctional relationship with food for most of my life and it has taken the past year to really see its deleterious impacts.

I want to eat only to sustain myself, and to not be the junkie I created. I would be very happy with myself, happy for you!!, that If I was in your shoes to be able to 'pass' on food. To force myself to find other things, exercise, sport, going out for coffees, the theatre arts, playing volley ball at the beach with my shirt off with friends, and or sun tanning at the beach.

Being able to snow board, or cross country speed skate at the nordic ski club without feeling like I got hit by a truck! Your post made me very excited!!!

Well done! And be as *****y as you like!! Direct it LOL at your boyfriend

You had nerves cut in your stomach. The feeling of fullnes will come and the enjoyment of food will return. Some days I wish I was at your point. LOL

As a foodie and a really good cook I hear your pain.  I too am craving salad and waiting for the day I can add crisper veggies to the mix.  I've decided to experiment with some finely chopped Slavs and see how that goes.

i also had spicy chinese beef and broccoli last night which is low sugar, high protein.  I used a hand blender to gring it up a bit but the flavour tastes the same if the look is a bit unusual.  I've also been doing a lot of Thai and Malay inspired dishes with Tofu which I tolerate quite well and it absorbs all of the spicy goodness.

I don't think a lifelong love of the taste, textures, and diversity of food is likely to go away forever.  Think of he things your mind wants and look for ways to adapt them to fit the guidelines of the post surgery diet.  Hang in there and hopefully things will get better.  I'm back to work in another week and also apprehensive of what the daily grind will do to my routine.

Hi remember you are only 5 weeks post op, you will in time enjoy foods again, just not to the extreme that you used to. You whole insides have been through hell, give them time to catch up with what has happened and you will eventually enjoy

TES, I understand what you're saying. I do. I felt the same way for a long, long time.

I am a foodie, self admitted. I love food, I love to cook food, I love to create food. I am being very honest when I tell you that since surgery which was March 2006 (so just about 8.5 YEARS ago) I have yet to feel hungry. Yes, I'm lucky, Yes, I know it's rare. It is what it is.

I was so sad for a long time because I too hated food. Not really the taste, but the way it made me feel. And I was never hungry so it just really felt like it sucked.

What I have learned: I am still a foodie. I love food, love how it tastes when cooked well, love every damn thing about it. I am assuming I will never feel hunger since it's been over 8 YEARS since my surgery. I can live with that now. My love of cooking and creating came back. I can appreciate what tastes awesome and eat what I will in my moderated amounts..... and ENJOY IT. That took a while. Now, and for several years, I've had a renewed energy with cooking and enjoying. Cooking for others who enjoy and appreciate my efforts quite frankly rocks my world.

Hang in there. Right now eating is your full-time job. It. Will. Get. Better.

And more normal.

Karen xo

Thank you everyone.  You've made this whiny, weepy chick feel a lot better.  Just gotta keep my head down and focus on my health.  The fact that I'm already down two pants sizes and at least 55 lbs (I don't own a scale and only weigh in with the doctors - or else I'll get number-obsessed) are the positives I need to focus on.  Eating is just a necessary function right now.  I know it'll get "fun" again.

You guys all rock hard.  :)

I miss food too & what it meant to me & how it made me feel pre-op. I found it quite depressing for a very long time. I still have times that are difficult.

At 17 months post-op, I don't feel hunger (other than feeling sick when I wait too long to eat). Sometimes I really enjoy food, like the first couple bites, but not often. Like you, I am eating because I need to, not because of the enjoyment, like I used to. I do find that I will eat out of boredom now, so I need to be careful of that.

But, one really interesting thing happened for me. I used to hate baking. I found it stressful & didn't understand how people enjoyed it & found it relaxing. Well, I have baked more since my surgery than probably the whole rest of my life. I love it now! I try all kinds of new recipes, with different ingredients. I really, really like it :) The behaviorist at my clinic said it's my new way of connecting with food & I believe he is right :)

I didn't start enjoying food (sometimes****il the last few months & my new love of baking didn't start until about 6-8 months post-op. I wanted to share this with you in hopes that it might make you feel better & give you hope that sometime soon some, if not all, of your desire for food & enjoyment of it will come back :)

I am four weeks post op, and feel the exact same way as you.  Every time I try something other than yogurt, cheese, or some soups I feel like I get sick.  I had a total breakdown when we went out to dinner  last night.  I stupidly tried clam chowder and got so sick.  Seeing everyone e else around me eating big meals and having ****tails just got to me.

But, we all chose this for a reason.  We will get to eat semi normally in the future.  But I totally get what you mean, I hate good right now and only eat because I have to.  My therapist equate fit to mourning a loss, and I think she is so tight.  We are very similar in surgery dates, 55 lbs is amazing!  I and down 47 and feel so much better already.  I am planning on taking that energy I used to have on food and putting it on working out.  Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you want to keep in touch!