Failing Relationship Due to Weight Loss

First off let me say how apprehensive I am about posting this but at the same time I know there are others out there that can help me out.

I know it is mentioned every once in a while about how the divorce rate is higher for those that have lost weight. I know that every time I go to the clinic and see the behaviorist he asks me about my marriage.

For those whose marriage/dating changed after surgery can you share with me how you knew something was wrong and what made you decide to "do something about it."

I am posting this because my marriage has changed and part of me thinks it's easier to just leaves things as they are, but the other part of me knows that I'm not happy and I want to be happy.

PM's are welcome if people aren't comfortable posting here.

I lost my hubby. I struggled with his absence and the fact that he was with someone else. I struggled with the notions that Ill never be good enough for anyone. Then for whatever reason, I came to understand that the problem was with, and how he viewed women. Ive come a long way (mentally) as well as physically.  I allowed another person to dictate how I should feel about myself! I now pay for my own home, answer to me, and if it takes all week to finish a meal that I prepped on Sunday.......so be it.  I answer to me and me only. I like being JUST ME. It is enough for me for now. I find, that my dogs needs and mine are enough, and I am in a happy place without drama. And especially , I am taking the time I need. My advice, take all the time you need to be YOU!!!  You need it, go easy on yourself, learn your eating techniques, what you can tolerate and most of all KNOW YOUR LIMITS.

Thank you for sharing and your advice. It's so hard to put ourselves first.

Hello Katie,

I take from your post that you have had your surgery and you have been losing weight?  If so I can understand the marriage "pains".  I am still waiting for surgery and it is one of the big worries I have. My husband is also a big guy and so much of our lives have been centered around food. Going out for meal, sharing pizza, making wine together, Camping and BBQ's....he absolutely loves food...more so than I ever will....With all that said he is on board with me doing the surgery, but I honestly thing he just sees the simple picture...me getting thin.....even after I have sat and explained to him that this is not just going to be a lifestyle change for me...but as well for him....we will need to find other things to enjoy together....besides FOOD....Our lives will change drastically. He says he gets it, but I am not sure if he really does.

I also believe as we lose weight and our self esteem expands we may not want to "put up" with things we did in the past.... as we lose weight we may begin to draw attention from the opposite sex...and some men don't like this...the reality is more doors open for us....our worlds become bigger...and sometime for insecure or controlling partners this can be very hard for them to except....

In the past I have lost 100 pounds and I used to say....People treated me different.....but in hindsight and upon reflection....I was different tooo....I become more ME....I was not afraid to speak up.....I didn't feel I had to hide behind the "fat" anymore....I became truer to myself...and therefore people around me treated me differently... obviously I regained the 100 pounds plus some mainly because of those uncomfortable feelings and feeling as if I did not FIT in with all my "fat friends and family"....For me the HEAD work is most important....understanding ourselves as we transform and being able to truly embrace this new person who will find joy and excitement in NEW things is wonderful . being able to do this and understand that people may treat us differently and that is OK ...we are OK....it is so important to free ourselves....

Have you Talk to you SW at the hospital about your feeling and your relationships issues? I am curious to know if you are finding any other relationships changing and if so in what way? Thank you for having the courage to bring this topic up. As I am sure you are not the only one going through this.

Take care of YOU and be true to YOU Katie ....you deserve to be celebrated !

while I can't offer advice or even relate to what you or others like yourself are going through I just want to applaud you for looking realistically at your life and what it is you need to do in order to grow as a more fulfilled person.

I am happily married for 25 years, had my surgery 5 years ago and the toughest obstacle was at the very beginning because my DH did not sully support my decision to have RNY..but then again he has never struggled with his weight and this comes from a person who can eat an entire carton of ice cream in 2 sittings and never worry about it. 

He wasn't supportive of the surgery, he was however supportive during and after..he just couldn't relate to having an operation instead of just (dieting), that's the difference when you want to lose 10lbs and not 100!

My marriage has changed, I go out more often I don;t hide in the house or under a huge jacket and I enjoy life,.  My husband has always been a homebody he prefers it that way and has no worries about when I am out with friends for dinner or celebrations and he is not there...we compliment each other.

KUDOS to you and your journey ahead